FluffyDucky™
July 28th, 2008, 07:35 AM
Joke 1;
A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those
Headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"
His wife replies, Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me To
Stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat
"I do not Have a Headache;
I do not have a headache,
I do not have a headache.."
It Worked! The headaches are all gone."
The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful."
His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball
Of Fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the
Hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?"
The husband agrees to try it
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his
Clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.
He Puts her on The bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into The Bathroom and comes back. A few minutes later and jumps into bed And makes Passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!"
The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes
Back Into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than The First time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning.
Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With
That, He goes back in the bathroom.
This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the Bathroom,
She sees him standing at the mirror and saying,
"She's not my Wife.
She's Not my wife.
She's not my wife..."
His funeral service will be held on Friday.
Joke 2;
A woman goes into a store to buy a fishing rod and reel for her
grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over
to the counter
The salesman is standing there, wearing dark glasses.
She says, Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?'
He says, 'Madam, I'm completely blind; but, if you'll drop it on the counter,
I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes.'
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, 'That's a two meter Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel
and 5-kg.test line. It's a good all around combination,
and it's on sale this Week for $44.'
She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it
dropping on the counter.
I'll take it!'
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the
floor.'Oh, That sounds like a Visa card, says the salesman.
As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts.
At first she is really embarrassed but then realizes there is no way
the blind salesman could tell it was she who had farted.
The salesman rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $58.50 please.'
The woman is totally confused by this and asks,
'Didn't You tell me it was on sale for $44? How did you get to
$58.50?' 'The Duck Caller is $11 and the Fish Bait is $3.50.'
A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those
Headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"
His wife replies, Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me To
Stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat
"I do not Have a Headache;
I do not have a headache,
I do not have a headache.."
It Worked! The headaches are all gone."
The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful."
His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball
Of Fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the
Hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?"
The husband agrees to try it
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his
Clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.
He Puts her on The bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into The Bathroom and comes back. A few minutes later and jumps into bed And makes Passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!"
The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes
Back Into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than The First time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning.
Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With
That, He goes back in the bathroom.
This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the Bathroom,
She sees him standing at the mirror and saying,
"She's not my Wife.
She's Not my wife.
She's not my wife..."
His funeral service will be held on Friday.
Joke 2;
A woman goes into a store to buy a fishing rod and reel for her
grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over
to the counter
The salesman is standing there, wearing dark glasses.
She says, Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?'
He says, 'Madam, I'm completely blind; but, if you'll drop it on the counter,
I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes.'
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, 'That's a two meter Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel
and 5-kg.test line. It's a good all around combination,
and it's on sale this Week for $44.'
She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it
dropping on the counter.
I'll take it!'
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the
floor.'Oh, That sounds like a Visa card, says the salesman.
As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts.
At first she is really embarrassed but then realizes there is no way
the blind salesman could tell it was she who had farted.
The salesman rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $58.50 please.'
The woman is totally confused by this and asks,
'Didn't You tell me it was on sale for $44? How did you get to
$58.50?' 'The Duck Caller is $11 and the Fish Bait is $3.50.'