ExAm
August 5th, 2008, 08:51 PM
You will find this funny.
After every flight, Qantas (http://www.qantas.com.au/regions/dyn/home/qualifier-region-au) pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet,' which tells mechanics about any problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,
and pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P), and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas has the best safety record of any major airline.
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.Original here (http://www.disaboom.com/Blogs/saydrah/archive/2008/08/05/aircraft-problems-listed-by-pilots-and-the-solutions-recorded-by-mechanics.aspx).
Note that the site this is from is a community for the disabled, so they changed "midget" in the original quote to "toddler". I've read the original quote elsewhere, so I have restored the original word in the quote here.
I lol'd, discuss.
After every flight, Qantas (http://www.qantas.com.au/regions/dyn/home/qualifier-region-au) pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet,' which tells mechanics about any problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,
and pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P), and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas has the best safety record of any major airline.
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.Original here (http://www.disaboom.com/Blogs/saydrah/archive/2008/08/05/aircraft-problems-listed-by-pilots-and-the-solutions-recorded-by-mechanics.aspx).
Note that the site this is from is a community for the disabled, so they changed "midget" in the original quote to "toddler". I've read the original quote elsewhere, so I have restored the original word in the quote here.
I lol'd, discuss.