The Violent Cure

[tommy92L]

PPL hated this vid, I just dont think that I am cut out for machinima :(

Sorry if its long, boring and makes you wanna kill yourself. But take a look

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohdzYEWLnyM

[SMASH]

Not bad dude, in fact I really liked it. The cinematography was good, the battles seemed pretty epic, and the story and ending was really good.

[tommy92L]

at other places, like machinima sites they said it was fail...

[SMASH]

well I looka t things for the entertainment value. If I dont turn it off half way through outta boredom it's a success. It was good man, try someone else though with a deeper voice for the main character though and you'll be golden.

[legionaire45]

I kind of liked it too, and normally my eyes just kind of glaze over with this stuff.

The only part I thought was kind of funny was when he said "The Highway that I used to drive on". That, and maybe practice your voice acting a bit more. Nice stuff though.

[flibitijibibo]

What smash said. In fact, I thought it had better editing than you find in most machinima on the internets today. If you end up taking his advice on the deeper voice, I'd be glad to assist. Just PM me or something.

Were the negative comments something along the lines of "lol thsi sux wuznt funi liek rvb cabuse rulz!!11"? If so, I'd suggest taking your material elsewhere.

[tommy92L]

Yea, I may need some body actors, obviously I did that one by myself in 3 days so lol. BUt I guess they got annoyed with me, they said I was an "Attention whore" because I didnt even like my own video, w.e. though

[DEElekgolo]

In the dramatic beginnings is needed more of a sense that he was alone. Like a "I am legend" feel.

[thehoodedsmack]

"Life is a Highway" bit was unnecessary. You voice doesn't make for a believable Spartan, either. Aside from that, story is good, and the piece as a whole is decent.

[Ki11a_FTW]

yeah it was generally good except the "Life is a highway" was something i didn't excpect

[Hotrod]

I agree with the "life is a Highway" bit, but other than that, it was good.

However, there are a few things that could have really made it better than it was. The first is the battles. The video was fine, but the audio wasn't the best. The gunshots didn't go with the video, and a lot of the time, you'd hear gunshots, but nobody would be firing. Maybe you could try to improve in that for next time.

Second of all, the vocabulary was kind of simple. You kept on saying "I carried on my journey". You should try to make it sound more sophisticated, maybe have some diverity, such as "I continued on the same path" or "I kept to my goal". No offense, but some things sound kind of childish, such as "small battle" and "small war". I feel that something such as "I saw a small group of surrounded marines, who looked like they could have used my help, so I went to help them". And when you said "We took out as many as we could, to go through the barrier", you could have said something like "We fought until the way through the barrier was clear."

In short, your vocabulary could use some work in future titles.

And personally, I found the ending a bit strange, but the rest of the story was great. Keep on working on machinima, because I believe that you have a lot of potential in this.