The Un-Official Chuck Norris Jokes Thread

[Co Redsonic]

Jokes, post 'em here. Ill start it off:

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

[jngrow]

How about you never do this again? Please?

[thehoodedsmack]

Jesus could walk on water...
But Chuck Norris can SWIM through LAND!!!

Also, this thread probably won't go very far...

[Agnaiel]

Chuck Norris once shot down a Mig by pointing his finger at it and yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris doesn't teabag. He potato-sacks.

If you knock on wood three times and say "Chuck Norris" with a lisp, he will personally come up and roundhouse kick you in the face.

[CN3089]

It's this. This is the worst thread. http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c251/CN3089/Emoticons/emot-frogout.gif

[rossmum]

You're about four or five years late

[cheezdue]

"Around here we only use Chuck Norris toilet paper. Rough, tough, and dont take crap from no one"

[ultama121]

Meh nonetheless...

One day Chuck Norris walked outside with a huge boner... there were no survivors.

One day Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands... now they're just called the islands.

[teh lag]

...

:suicide:

[ICEE]

worst thread ever

[BobtheGreatII]

Why is everyone bashing this thread of all things. Tons of other shit threads worse than this one to go pick on... why post just to say pointless things?

[LlamaMaster]

And the award for shittiest thread ever goes to...

[Kalub]

ME!

[armoman92]

I love these, they crack me up every time ever since I saw delta force...

Chuck Norris once had sex in a tractor-tailer and a bit of his sperm got into the engine. We now call this truck "optimus prime".

Cuck Norris's tears cure cancer: too bad he never cries.

When girls have sex with god, they scream CHUCK NORRIS!!

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.

There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Chuck Norris.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Chuck Norris doesnt sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

The following is a short list of things Chuck Norris cannot do: .

Chuck Norris got his virginity back.

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

Chuck Norris reads his top ten...
LV8Lw-ZgVd4

[TeeKup]

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

[Limited]

They were funny at the start, now they are just stupid.