[WIP]Wrath of the Forerunner

[TeeKup]

Wrath of the Forerunner

You claim to worship us, yet caste genocide on our children,
You are our enemy.
You abuse technology which you have stolen,
You are our enemy.
You lay false judgment on the chosen of the galaxy,
You are our enemy.
You have forsaken the guardians of the Mantle,
You are our enemy.
You will be swept away by our merciless and unending Wrath,
For we are your enemy.


This was inspired by Phoenix-06's little poem on this Mantle page:

When your species first came into existence, we were old
When your planet was young, we were old
When your star burst into existence, we were old
When your galaxy was formed...........we celebrated
We are your creators
We made all of what you see for you
We are your ancestors, and you are our children
Look into the heart and you will find the truth
Look into the heart and you will find us.......We will be waiting

I've nicknamed his "The Writ of Creation." Personally I wish to make my own Writ of Creation, because right now I'm in the process of my own story with the Forerunner, in my story the Forerunner return to the galaxy; so I need something good to represent their return.

What do you think so far?

EDIT: Revised version.


You claim to worship us, yet caste genocide on our children,

You are our enemy.

You abuse technology which you have stolen,

You lay false judgment on the chosen of the galaxy,

You have forsaken the guardians of the Mantle,

You will be swept away by our unforgiving Wrath,

For we are your enemy.

[SnaFuBAR]

This sounds interesting so far.

[thehoodedsmack]

If the Forerunner saw the Elites, Prophets, Jackels, Drones, Grunts, Hunters, and Brutes worth saving from the initial Halo blasts, I think they'd be a little more foregiving about the whole war thing, especially since everything worked out in the end. Also, I'd put just one "you are our enemy" near the beginning, and one "we are your enemy" at the end. For me, the danger of being singled out by an ancient and powerful race became more diluted the more it was repeated.

[TeeKup]

If the Forerunner saw the Elites, Prophets, Jackels, Drones, Grunts, Hunters, and Brutes worth saving from the initial Halo blasts, I think they'd be a little more foregiving about the whole war thing, especially since everything worked out in the end. Also, I'd put just one "you are our enemy" near the beginning, and one "we are your enemy" at the end. For me, the danger of being singled out by an ancient and powerful race became more diluted the more it was repeated.

I'll need to explain a bit on my story to clarify some things. But do you mean like this?


You are our enemy.
You claim to worship us, yet caste genocide on our children,

You abuse technology which you have stolen,

You lay false judgment on the chosen of the galaxy,

You have forsaken the guardians of the Mantle,

You will be swept away by our merciless and unending Wrath,
For we are your enemy.

[thehoodedsmack]

Well, I had meant to keep the first one where it was, so the reader response follows the line of:





You claim to worship us, yet caste genocide on our children,

Excuse me?
You are our enemy.
Oh... snap.
You abuse technology which you have stolen,
Oh, Covenant.
You lay false judgment on the chosen of the galaxy,
Humans. I like where this is going.
You have forsaken the guardians of the Mantle,
Bastards...
You will be swept away by our merciless and unending Wrath,
Badass. (Actually, "merciless and unending" could be changed to something less common to "epics")
For we are your enemy.
Yeeeeeeeeah! :awesome:


But it really doesn't make much difference. It's lookin' good.

[TeeKup]

I feel the same about "merciless and unending" further suggestions would be appreciated, I think I'm going to keep it in that format smack.


You claim to worship us, yet caste genocide on our children,

You are our enemy.

You abuse technology which you have stolen,

You lay false judgment on the chosen of the galaxy,

You have forsaken the guardians of the Mantle,

You will be swept away by our unforgiving Wrath,

For we are your enemy.

EDIT: What about "unforgiving"

[Gwunty]

i was expecting a model, fuck you you lied to me
<3