Articles Funny Random

[ExAm]

I personally don't mind bizzare news threads, although it might be better to revise them all into one thread, where people can c/p articles with a comment.

There you have it. Buckshot (and anyone else who happens to find an interesting news post or link on the internets), do your thing.

Okay, let me lay down a couple of guidelines. Since this thread will probably be both for posting and commenting on articles, please quote the post of the article you're commenting on, just to avoid any confusion. If it's long, clip it short. The point is to have a link to the post you are referencing.

Here, I'll start it off (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/7865868.stm):







Shoe hurled as Chinese PM speaks




A protester has thrown a shoe at Wen Jiabao during a speech at Cambridge University and called the Chinese prime minister a "dictator".
The shoe landed about a metre away from Mr Wen and the protester, a young man, was then removed by security guards.
Mr Wen, who earlier signed a series of trade agreements with Gordon Brown on the final day of a three-day UK visit, described the incident as "despicable".
Protests have taken place about human rights and Tibet during his visit.
Protests
Five people were arrested in London on Sunday after trying to approach Mr Wen.
According to eye-witnesses, Mr Wen was interrupted near the end of a speech he was giving in Cambridge on the global economy.
According to the Press Association, the shoe was thrown from the back of the hall and landed "well away" from Mr Wen.
Reports said the protester urged the audience to challenge the Chinese prime minister, shouting "how can the university prostitute itself with this dictator?"
http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/45437000/jpg/_45437875_006819719-1.jpg Mr Wen has faced protests throughout his UK visit

AFP reported that fellow members of the audience shouted "shame on you" as he was escorted out of the auditorium.
Police later confirmed that the man had been arrested on suspicion of a public order offence.
As Mr Wen arrived to deliver the speech, he was met by both pro-Chinese supporters and people demonstrating against China's human rights record in its own country and in Tibet.
The incident was similar to an event in December when US President George W Bush was forced to duck to avoid shoes thrown at him during a visit to Iraq.
'Determination'
Earlier, Prime Minister Gordon Brown called for greater collaboration on trade between the UK and China during talks with Mr Wen at Downing Street.
Mr Brown said they shared a determination to reverse the economic downturn and Mr Wen said "concerted efforts" were needed to "address the common challenges that we face".
Mr Wen said the economic crisis showed the "dangers of a totally unregulated market".
He added: "Only by working together, only by making a concerted effort, can we address the common challenges we face."
Mr Brown said the 4 trillion yuan (£400bn) fiscal stimulus announced by the Beijing authorities in November would help British exports to China, particularly in low-carbon technologies.
"The strength of the relationship between China and Britain will be a pivotal force in helping us through the downturn and a powerful driving force behind our future growth and prosperity."
Mr Wen met Conservative leader David Cameron for 45 minutes on Sunday to talk about topics including the economic crisis and fighting climate change.
Mr Cameron raised human rights issues with the Chinese leader and emphasised the importance of "greater participation" in Beijing's political process.
Mr Wen's European tour includes visits to Germany, Spain, and Brussels.


Edit by suggestion of Timo:
Apparently shoe throwing has become pretty popular as a form of expression. The Chinese PM deserves it about as much as anyone, for all the shit China puts its citizens, as well as the Tibetans through. Buckshot, if you try to argue any further that China is even close to alright when it comes to ethics, you'd best prepare yourself for a shitstorm. Trying to claim that the Tibetans have it coming is like saying that the Gazans deserved what they got because they fired a shell back after the Israelis bombed them to hell.

[Heathen]

Technically my idea for this thread :[


Throwing shoes is the best new meme ever.

[Mr Buckshot]

Thanks. About the shoe-throwing thing, that wasn't any better than the Iraq one. This guy didn't have a damn thing to do with the gruesome stuff of '89. As for Tibet, I support its independence but the way in which it's being "fought" for is stupid.

[English Mobster]

What is up with people and throwing shoes?

[legionaire45]

Sad that he missed, tbh.

[Timo]

A couple of ground rules:

Always link to the source of the article A brief comment of your opinion too, instead of just ".", "discuss", etc.

[Mr Buckshot]

Sad that he missed, tbh.

Hit or miss doesn't make a difference.

[Bodzilla]

Buckshot are you seriously that ignorant to the well of human right violations china continues to ignore?

fucks sake man open your eyes. They're people too.

[ExAm]

A couple of ground rules:


Always link to the source of the article
A brief comment of your opinion too, instead of just ".", "discuss", etc.

Source is linked in the words, "start it off", but I should add a comment.

[TeeKup]

Oh god that reporter has started a trend. I expect shoe wars soon.

[=sw=warlord]

Oh god that reporter has started a trend. I expect shoe wars soon.
Well einstein did say we would be fighting world war 4 with stgicks and stones but didnt know what world war 3 would be faught with.
Now we know.

[ExAm]

Well einstein did say we would be fighting world war 4 with stgicks and stones but didnt know what world war 3 would be faught with.
Now we know.In a world, where clown shoes are considered weapons of mass destruction...

[Mr Buckshot]

Buckshot are you seriously that ignorant to the well of human right violations china continues to ignore?

fucks sake man open your eyes. They're people too.

China stands out among its Asian neighbors in terms of advancements in rights, beaten only by Japan and South Korea. Trust me, Taiwan and Singapore mistreat their predominantly Chinese populations FAR FAR MORE.

There are many worse cases of human rights/neglects in Asia (i.e. the caste system is not official, but still tacitly practiced in India) that deserve more attention than what goes on in China.

Tibet - I said I support its independence. But the steps being taken right now show that the world isn't actually caring about Tibet. You want an effective means of persuasion? Use economic sanctions - it did help South Africa end segregation after all. That means halt trade, pull out branch plants, do something that HURTS. Trying to put out Olympic torches and throwing shoes is only going to make them laugh. Do something that actually hurts. Hell, send delegates to negotiate, no one's going to kill them.

Pollution and the recent milk scandal =/= government's fault. The people did it to one another.

e.g. what's the point of "freedom of information" in Taiwan (something mainland China needs to work on) if people suffer too much to benefit from it? Get priorities straight.

you may think the chinese think people are "expendable and exploitable" - did you come to the 21st century in a time machine from 20+ years ago?

1. when there was an earthquake, there was a government-sponsored effort, very expensive and potentially dangerous, to save the victims and gie them shelter.
2. Chinese military has not fired a shot at any other nation since the PRC formation. IMO, invading another nation = expending and exploiting your own people (soldiers) and the people of the other nation.
3. Laws galore, modelled after Singapore's, to reduce pollution.
4. Evil people who tainted food were not ignored - they were detained, tried, and executed/life imprisonment.
5. if you attempt seditious libel online, the worst that can happen is that your post is deleted (whereas in other places you can be arrested or killed)
6. Laborers paid higher than the imported labor used in much of Asia, also given better working conditions.
7. Sweatshops are illegal now
8. electric train system being built for the benefit of the people and the air.
9. zero conscription.
10. Hong Kong and Macau were allowed to maintain their internal affairs more or less post-transfer.

I thought the Iraqi shoe-throwing was wrong, but at least he had a reason - the U.S. invasion killed his fellow people, god forbid his own friends and family. Here, the Chinese did nothing to the British, rather it happened the other way round but that's ancient redundant history.

[ExAm]

China stands out among its Asian neighbors in terms of advancements in rights, beaten only by Japan and South Korea. Trust me, Taiwan and Singapore mistreat their predominantly Chinese populations FAR FAR MORE.
That's like calling a serial killer a saint because he decided to kill two less people than he usually does per year.

[Mr Buckshot]

That's like calling a serial killer a saint because he decided to kill two less people than he usually does per year.

Oh looky, look whose country bombed the hell out of Vietnam, parts of Korea, and Iraq, without provocation I might say.

As I said, if you do care about Tibet's well-being, then start getting China where it actually hurts. Standing with a poster or throwing a shoe won't help matters, it just demonstrates your own stupidity. It's like trying to break down a stone wall by throwing individual grains of sand at it. There are many nonviolent means of crippling a nation, and the fact that the Western governments who supposedly "care about Tibet" don't try to take those measures shows that they're just saying and not really caring.

[ICEE]

HEY DAMMIT DON'T FORGET CAMBODIA

[Cojafoji]

http://news.vgchartz.com/news.php?id=2937

The shitty, just got shittier...

Electronic Arts posted a $641 million net loss for its most recent quarter, compared to a $33 million net loss over the same period a year ago. EA was in the midst of restructuring, so it profited 56 cents per share before the costs of restructuring are factored in to the accounting.
Revenue for the quarter was $1.65 billion, up from $1.5 billion in the previous quarter but below analyst estimates of $1.9 billion.
The company will cut staff at all levels, according to EA execs, including "managers, directors, VPs and above" and put a freeze on raises. Around 1,100 jobs will be lost, around 11% of its work force. It will also cut 30% of its SKUS in 2010, expecting to publish 50 titles across 125 SKUS. The company published 145 SKUs in fiscal 2009.
It announced delays to upcoming marquee titles The Sims 3 and Dragon Age: Origins alongside its quarterly earnings results and that the portfolio of EA franchises will be narrowed due to the revenue shortfall and ongoing restructuring.
EA's total take for the holiday quarter was $1.74 billion, which was driven by sales of games like FIFA 09 , Rock Band 2 , Need for Speed Undercover , Rock Band , Left 4 Dead , Dead Space , Madden NFL 09 , Littlest Pet Shop , NBA Live 09 and Mirror’s Edge .

[Mr Buckshot]

http://news.vgchartz.com/news.php?id=2937

The shitty, just got shittier...

Electronic Arts posted a $641 million net loss for its most recent quarter, compared to a $33 million net loss over the same period a year ago. EA was in the midst of restructuring, so it profited 56 cents per share before the costs of restructuring are factored in to the accounting.
Revenue for the quarter was $1.65 billion, up from $1.5 billion in the previous quarter but below analyst estimates of $1.9 billion.
The company will cut staff at all levels, according to EA execs, including "managers, directors, VPs and above" and put a freeze on raises. Around 1,100 jobs will be lost, around 11% of its work force. It will also cut 30% of its SKUS in 2010, expecting to publish 50 titles across 125 SKUS. The company published 145 SKUs in fiscal 2009.
It announced delays to upcoming marquee titles The Sims 3 and Dragon Age: Origins alongside its quarterly earnings results and that the portfolio of EA franchises will be narrowed due to the revenue shortfall and ongoing restructuring.
EA's total take for the holiday quarter was $1.74 billion, which was driven by sales of games like FIFA 09 , Rock Band 2 , Need for Speed Undercover , Rock Band , Left 4 Dead , Dead Space , Madden NFL 09 , Littlest Pet Shop , NBA Live 09 and Mirror’s Edge .

Yep, gaming isn't recession-proof :(

[DarkHalo003]

Kidney Removed Via Vagina:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7867837.stm

I sort of lolled just looking at the title. :lmao:

[ExAm]

Demonic Squirrel (http://www.vtwinmama.com/demonic_squirrel_riding_story.htm)



Neighborhood Hazard
(or: Why the Cops Won’t Patrol Brice Street)

I never dreamed slowly cruising through a residential neighborhood could be so incredibly dangerous!
Studies have shown that motorcycling requires more decisions per second, and more sheer data processing than nearly any other common activity or sport. The reactions and accurate decision making abilities needed have been likened to the reactions of fighter pilots! The consequences of bad decisions or poor situational awareness are pretty much the same for both groups too.
Occasionally, as a rider I have caught myself starting to make bad or late decisions while riding. In flight training, my instructors called this being “behind the power curve”. It is a mark of experience that when this begins to happen, the rider recognizes the situation, and more importantly, does something about it. A short break, a meal, or even a gas stop can set things right again as it gives the brain a chance to catch up.
Good, accurate, and timely decisions are essential when riding a motorcycle…at least if you want to remain among the living. In short, the brain needs to keep up with the machine.
I had been banging around the roads of east Texas and as I headed back into Dallas, found myself in very heavy, high-speed traffic on the freeways. Normally, this is not a problem, I commute in these conditions daily, but suddenly I was nearly run down by a cage that decided it needed my lane more than I did. This is not normally a big deal either, as it happens around here often, but usually I can accurately predict which drivers are not paying attention and avoid them before we are even close. This one I missed seeing until it was nearly too late, and as I took evasive action I nearly broadsided another car that I was not even aware was there!
Two bad decisions and insufficient situational awareness…all within seconds. I was behind the power curve. Time to get off the freeway.
I hit the next exit, and as I was in an area I knew pretty well, headed through a few big residential neighborhoods as a new route home. As I turned onto the nearly empty streets I opened the visor on my full-face helmet to help get some air. I figured some slow riding through the quiet surface streets would give me time to relax, think, and regain that “edge” so frequently required when riding.
Little did I suspect…
As I passed an oncoming car, a brown furry missile shot out from under it and tumbled to a stop immediately in front of me. It was a squirrel, and must have been trying to run across the road when it encountered the car. I really was not going very fast, but there was no time to brake or avoid it—it was that close.
I hate to run over animals…and I really hate it on a motorcycle, but a squirrel should pose no danger to me. I barely had time to brace for the impact.
Animal lovers, never fear. Squirrels can take care of themselves!
Inches before impact, the squirrel flipped to his feet. He was standing on his hind legs and facing the oncoming Valkyrie with steadfast resolve in his little beady eyes. His mouth opened, and at the last possible second, he screamed and leapt! I am pretty sure the scream was squirrel for, “Banzai!” or maybe, “Die you gravy-sucking, heathen scum!” as the leap was spectacular and he flew over the windshield and impacted me squarely in the chest.
Instantly he set upon me. If I did not know better I would have sworn he brought twenty of his little buddies along for the attack. Snarling, hissing, and tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy of activity. As I was dressed only in a light t-shirt, summer riding gloves, and jeans this was a bit of a cause for concern. This furry little tornado was doing some damage!
Picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a t-shirt, and leather gloves puttering maybe 25mph down a quiet residential street…and in the fight of his life with a squirrel. And losing.
I grabbed for him with my left hand and managed to snag his tail. With all my strength I flung the evil rodent off the left of the bike, almost running into the right curb as I recoiled from the throw.
That should have done it. The matter should have ended right there. It really should have. The squirrel could have sailed into one of the pristinely kept yards and gone on about his business, and I could have headed home. No one would have been the wiser.
But this was no ordinary squirrel. This was not even an ordinary pissed-off squirrel.
This was an evil attack squirrel of death!
Somehow he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands, and with the force of the throw swung around and with a resounding thump and an amazing impact he landed square on my back and resumed his rather anti-social and extremely distracting activities. He also managed to take my left glove with him!
The situation was not improved. Not improved at all. His attacks were continuing, and now I could not reach him.
I was startled to say the least. The combination of the force of the throw, only having one hand (the throttle hand) on the handlebars, and my jerking back unfortunately put a healthy twist through my right hand and into the throttle. A healthy twist on the throttle of a Valkyrie can only have one result. Torque. This is what the Valkyrie is made for, and she is very, very good at it.
The engine roared as the front wheel left the pavement. The squirrel screamed in anger. The Valkyrie screamed in ecstasy. I screamed in…well…I just plain screamed.
Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a slightly squirrel torn t-shirt, and only one leather glove roaring at maybe 70mph and rapidly accelerating down a quiet residential street…on one wheel and with a demonic squirrel on his back. The man and the squirrel are both screaming bloody murder.
With the sudden acceleration I was forced to put my other hand back on the handlebars and try to get control of the bike. This was leaving the mutant squirrel to his own devices, but I really did not want to crash into somebody’s tree, house, or parked car. Also, I had not yet figured out how to release the throttle…my brain was just simply overloaded. I did manage to mash the back brake, but it had little affect against the massive power of the big cruiser.
About this time the squirrel decided that I was not paying sufficient attention to this very serious battle (maybe he is a Scottish attack squirrel of death), and he came around my neck and got IN my full-face helmet with me. As the faceplate closed partway and he began hissing in my face I am quite sure my screaming changed tone and intensity. It seemed to have little affect on the squirrel however.
The rpm’s on The Dragon maxed out (I was not concerned about shifting at the moment) and her front end started to drop.
Now picture the large man on the huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a very ragged torn t-shirt, and wearing one leather glove, roaring at probably 80mph, still on one wheel, with a large puffy squirrel’s tail sticking out his mostly closed full-face helmet. By now the screams are probably getting a little hoarse.
Finally I got the upper hand…I managed to grab his tail again, pulled him out of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I could. This time it worked…sort-of. Spectacularly sort-of, so to speak.
Picture the scene. You are a cop. You and your partner have pulled off on a quiet residential street and parked with your windows down to do some paperwork.
Suddenly a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a torn t-shirt flapping in the breeze, and wearing one leather glove, moving at probably 80mph on one wheel, and screaming bloody murder roars by and with all his strength throws a live squirrel grenade directly into your police car.
I heard screams. They weren't mine...
I managed to get the big motorcycle under directional control and dropped the front wheel to the ground. I then used maximum braking and skidded to a stop in a cloud of tire smoke at the stop sign at a busy cross street.
I would have returned to fess up (and to get my glove back). I really would have. Really. But for two things. First, the cops did not seem interested or the slightest bit concerned about me at the moment. One of them was on his back in the front yard of the house they had been parked in front of and was rapidly crabbing backwards away from the patrol car. The other was standing in the street and was training a riot shotgun on the police cruiser.
So the cops were not interested in me. They often insist to “let the professionals handle it” anyway. That was one thing. The other? Well, I swear I could see the squirrel, standing in the back window of the patrol car among shredded and flying pieces of foam and upholstery, and shaking his little fist at me. I think he was shooting me the finger…
That is one dangerous squirrel. And now he has a patrol car…
I took a deep breath, turned on my turn-signal, made an easy right turn, and sedately left the neighborhood.
As for my easy and slow drive home? Screw it. Faced with a choice of 80mph cars and inattentive drivers, or the evil, demonic, attack squirrel of death...I’ll take my chances with the freeway. Every time.
And I’ll buy myself a new pair of gloves.
This one had me lollin' for extended periods of time :lmao:

[Bodzilla]

FUCKING LOL

[DarkHalo003]

It just called for it:
HdiXSsFp29s
:lmao:

[Heathen]

Oh god that reporter has started a trend. I expect shoe wars soon.
When the bush shoe was thrown, why didn't they have ten and a half secret service guys jump at the guy and jumping at the shoe to check for grenades or something?


Also, what the hell did that have to do with anything dark?

[ExAm]

Bill Gates released a swarm of mosquitoes on the audience during his TED talk (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,488348,00.html)



Bill Gates Unleashes Swarm of Mosquitoes on Crowd

Microsoft founder turned philanthropist Bill Gates released a glass full of mosquitoes at an elite technology conference to make a point about the deadly disease malaria.
"Malaria is spread by mosquitoes," Gates said while opening a jar onstage at the Technology, Entertainment, Design Conference — a gathering known to attract technology kings, politicians, and Hollywood stars.
"I brought some. Here I'll let them roam around. There is no reason only poor people should be infected."
First reported on social networking site Twitter, Facebook's Senior Platform Manager Dave Morin blogged (http://twitter.com/davemorin/status/1177476379), "Bill Gates just released mosquitos into the audience at TED."
Gates then waited a minute or so before assuring the audience the freed insects were malaria-free.
The unusual presentation on malaria prevention was confirmed by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation's media office. A spokesman said the insects released were not carrying malaria.
Gates retired as head of Microsoft last year to focus more on his foundation. One of its key projects is ending malaria and it has spent millions on fighting the disease.
The philanthropist has been pushing to reduce malaria deaths through the nonprofit. In September, Gates announced that the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation would provide $168.7 million to the PATH Malaria Vaccine Initiative to help develop a vaccine for the deadly disease.


:lmao:

[Syuusuke]

Just because they don't have malaria doesn't mean they have...something else =D

[TeeKup]

Bill Gates released a swarm of mosquitoes on the audience during his TED talk (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,488348,00.html)




:lmao:

That is amazing.

[Bodzilla]

He's brilliant, he's also one of the most if not THE most charitable person on the earth.

good on ya bill.

[klange]

I'll just leave this here:
http://news.aol.com/health/article/teen-sex-change-kim-petras/331320

[Heathen]

Lol @ bill.

bacon, give me a reason to go to that link.

[klange]

Lol @ bill.

bacon, give me a reason to go to that link.
Hot pics of chick*



* said chick may not be genetically female. Hotness is still guaranteed.

[ICEE]

Pretty gorgeous for an ex-guy. It sounds like he/she had the whole shebang operation. I wonder if she kept her cock in a jar or something?

[Bodzilla]

holly shit.

well i guess thats what happens when you decide those things very early on and beat the effects of your body's hormones to the punchline.

thats incredible.

[n00b1n8R]

http://fyfi.files.wordpress.com/2007/07/must_not_fap.jpg

[klange]

Pretty gorgeous for an ex-guy. It sounds like he/she had the whole shebang operation. I wonder if she kept her cock in a jar or something?
It's still down there. It just goes the other direction. (That's how they do it, btw)

[Mr Buckshot]

It's still down there. It just goes the other direction. (That's how they do it, btw)

Can it move?

[Heathen]

Holy crap.

That's a dude? :gonk:

THE WORLD ISN'T SAFE ANYMORE!

[PlasbianX]

http://www.forumspile.com/That-Is-A_Trap_(Star_Wars).jpg

Shes hot :gonk:

[Heathen]

She's He's hot :gonk:
ftfy

[ICEE]

It's still down there. It just goes the other direction. (That's how they do it, btw)

I thought that they had the choice of removing it?

[klange]

I thought that they had the choice of removing it?
They turn it inside out and make it into a pseud-v-jay. That's how sex change operations work.

[ICEE]

ah. gross.

[Rentafence]

Now what happens when I'm about to go at it and see an inside out penis? :gonk:

[Hotrod]

There's just something about her/his eyes that kind of give it away though. If you just look at them, they're not quite right. Personally, I find that a girl's eyes are usually softer-looking, and a guy's are more rough, if you get what I mean.

[n00b1n8R]

But the real question:

Would teek tap that?

[TeeKup]

NO.

[Heathen]

Well technically they slit it down the bottom of it and pull it down and inside. Then they attach the skin to the body. THEN they plug hair and blablabla.

Gross to watch but we got to.

[Bodzilla]

NO.

i thought you liked girly guys :-3

[PlasbianX]

i thought you liked girly guys :-3

His BF is a black dude; Ofcouse not.

[ICEE]

His BF is a black dude; Ofcouse not.

There are some pretty girl black guys (http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/08/Michael-Jackson.jpg)

[n00b1n8R]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/lilyallen/images/celeb_samwell.jpg
Even I'd tap that.

[Heathen]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/lilyallen/images/celeb_samwell.jpg
Even I'd tap that.
wat

[Con]

wat in the butt

[Hotrod]

I thought the thread name was "Articles Funny Random #1", not "Pictures Black Dudes Random #1"...

[thehoodedsmack]

All in favour of name change? ,:3

[ultama121]

Welp, it appears some 2chan members are trying to make an English textbook...
http://waranote.blog76.fc2.com/blog-entry-1506.html
:v:

[ExAm]

Oh god, I lol'd :lmao:

[klange]

I like where this is going.

[Heathen]

This is Japan.
Where is Korea?
It is not a country.
Then...what is Korea?
It is a piece of shit.

HAHA,
Two hamburgers and two colas prease.

Also, HAHA WTF.
http://blog-imgs-41.fc2.com/w/a/r/waranote/eng339_20090204014927s.jpg (http://blog-imgs-41.fc2.com/w/a/r/waranote/eng339_20090204014927.jpg)

http://blog-imgs-41.fc2.com/w/a/r/waranote/eng635s.jpg (http://blog-imgs-41.fc2.com/w/a/r/waranote/eng635.jpg)
http://blog-imgs-41.fc2.com/w/a/r/waranote/eng649.jpg (http://blog-imgs-41.fc2.com/w/a/r/waranote/eng649.jpg)

[Llama Juice]

http://i.gizmodo.com/5141974/google-maps-car-hits-a-deer-records-entire-ordeal-on-google-maps

...


Here's a sad one: the Google Maps (http://gizmodo.com/tag/google-maps/) car took out a baby deer, and it recorded the entire process for all Google Maps (http://gizmodo.com/tag/google-maps/) users to see. For shame, Google Maps car! As you follow the street view scene down Five Points Road in Rush, NY, you can see the deer run out in front of the car, get hit and then see it on the side of the road before the car pulls over. And that's the end of the Street View data for Five Points Road.
Google Maps (http://gizmodo.com/tag/google-maps/) is recording real life, guys. And yes, the Five Points joke kind of writes itself, doesn't it?

Click the link for pictures... haha

[jngrow]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/lilyallen/images/celeb_samwell.jpg
Even I'd tap that.

GAAH FUCK YOU I HATE THAT GUY

[ExAm]

The real fucking bear cavalry. Almost. (http://community.atom.com/Post/An-Ode-to-Voytek-The-Most-Badass-Soldier-in-WWII/03EFBFFFF0182C7B8000800A747EC)


An Ode to Voytek: The Most Badass Soldier in WWII

by Robert Brockway

http://filesll.fluxstatic.com/00A391680182C7B80007B8C78201/TN1/Jpg/B-1218/AR120x120,Crop/633591576000000000

I’m not quite comedically inept enough to make Polack jokes, but if I was, I would apologize for every single one right now. Recently, the Polish have rallied around a cause: To have a memorial built in Great Britain that honors one of their most beloved war heroes, a soldier simply known as “Voytek.” He was a hard-drinking, hard-smoking, hard-fighting son-of-a-bitch who won his valor in the battle of Monte Cassino, one of the bloodiest conflicts of WWII. Voytek stood about 6’5 tall, and weighed in around 600lbs, which wo-wait, 600 pounds?! Either this Polish war-hero was also undisputed King of the Fatties, or he’s some sort of fucking bear.

Oh, wait, he was a fucking bear!


http://filesll.fluxstatic.com/00A747D90182C7B800073EFBFFFF/633702202447140790

Voytek was an Iranian Honey Bear, as well as a credited, ranked, and official member of the Second Polish Transport Company. He was found in the hills of Iran when the company, upon seeing a malnourished, starving bear cub, not only found the heart to nurse him back to health but then, eventually finding themselves with a full-grown, loyal, trained bear and a shitload of Nazis to fight, did the perfectly logical thing and decided to enlist him. I would normally comment here about the sheer insanity of the era's military for allowing a bear into the armed forces, but honestly? It makes perfect sense.


http://filesll.fluxstatic.com/00A747D80182C7B800073EFBFFFF/633702202447140790
"Hmm...it's not quite intimidating enough. You think you could maybe ride him into battle naked, covered in blood, holding a rocket launcher?"

The Nazis knew all about the power of image, (their emblems and uniforms stand to this day as the epitome of tyranny and evil,) so when it came time to fight fire with fire, what better way to counter the powerful symbolism of the Axis, than a god damn drunken bear in an Allied uniform? If, upon leaping into the trenches prepared for a brutal hand to hand fight, a Nazi soldier found it filled with bloodthirsty bears slamming whiskey - their immense paws filled with gargantuan artillery shells - you can safely count that soldier out of the rest of war. Even if he survives, he’s not fighting again.

“Sir, I’ve seen the enemy gunners. They’re bears!”

“You mean they fight like mighty bears!? My God!”

“No, sir! They’re literally fucking bears! I just went crazy as hell! I’m going home!”

“Weinerschnitzel!”

http://filesll.fluxstatic.com/00A747D70182C7B800073EFBFFFF/633702202447297040
Pictured About To Horribly Lose A Fight: That Guy.

On duty, Voytek was trained to carry cases of ammunition and mortar shells down the line to waiting artillery, each one weighing hundreds of pounds. On one occasion, he wandered into an empty shower stall and surprised an Arabic spy who had been listening in on top secret information. The spy quickly surrendered and immediately confessed to all of his crimes, probably because he was smart enough to realize that any military unit possessing Anti-Espionage Bears are likely going to be on the winning side of the war.

When off duty, Voytek enjoyed the same luxuries as any other WWII era soldier. He drank cases of beer, smoked cases of cigarettes, and loved to wrestle with his fellow troops - a fact which leaves me in somewhat of a quandary: Who was more badass, the Nazi-fighting bear who wrestled full platoons of trained soldiers, or the men who routinely got body-slammed by him for shits ‘n giggles?

Voytek was so fearless in battle, and so beloved out of it, that the Second Polish Transport Company officially changed their insignia to this:


http://filesll.fluxstatic.com/00A747D60182C7B800073EFBFFFF/633702202447297040

All military insignia are pretty uniformly badass. Their imagery is rife with skulls, guns, bombs, and lightning bolts; but all that shit’s got nothing on this simple, modest, and entirely accurate depiction of what appears to be a grizzly bear with bullets for fists.

After the war, Voytek retired to the Edinburgh zoo, and the rest of his company settled in the area around him. They visited him frequently, tossing him cigarettes and beer over the fence, and occasionally jumping the barricades to wrestle with him again. He lived to a relatively old age, eventually dying of natural causes, and I’m sure that he’s up there somewhere right now, drinking a case of whiskey, smoking a cigar, and eating Nazis in heaven.

:awesome:

[klange]

That is one awesome bear.

[Agnaiel]

All I could think about while I was reading that was "Bear Cavalry."

[mech]

Updated: Feb 23, 2009 03:38 PM EST
http://wwsb.images.worldnow.com/images/9888797_BG1.jpghttp://wwsb.images.worldnow.com/images/static/gfx/pxl_trans.gifhttp://wwsb.images.worldnow.com/images/static/gfx/adtext_horiz_180.gifhttp://wwsb.images.worldnow.com/images/static/gfx/pxl_trans.gif


BRADENTON, FL. - A 19-year-old man is arrested after stealing a laptop computer so he could check his Facebook page online.
According to the Manatee County Sheriff's Office, at around 4:45 Gary Lyman was inside Starbucks on the 5500 block of Factory Shops Blvd.
Lyman was using his laptop computer when 19-year-old Corey Kinney approached him and asked if he could use his computer.
Kinney told Lyman that he wanted to access his Facebook internet website. Lyman told Kinney he was busy and he would not let him use his computer. Kenney then turned away as if he was going to leave, then suddenly turned back around and grabbed Lyman's laptop computer. Kenney then ran out of the business with the laptop.
Lyman took chase and followed Kinney to the parking lot where two unknown bystanders saw Lyman chasing Kinney. The two bystanders tackled Kinney in the parking lot and held him until the Ellenton Mall Security Guard arrived.
Lyman was given his laptop back valued at $4,000.00.
While Kinney was being transport to the Port Manatee Jail, Kinney told the Deputy he just wanted to do a crime that did not hurt anyone. He said he couldn't find work and needed money to get back to Texas. He also said he knew people had computers while at Starbucks and it would be easy to grab one.
Kinney was charged with Robbery By Sudden Snatching.

[Bodzilla]

The real fucking bear cavalry. Almost. (http://community.atom.com/Post/An-Ode-to-Voytek-The-Most-Badass-Soldier-in-WWII/03EFBFFFF0182C7B8000800A747EC)



:awesome:
that is insanely awesome.

theres no words to describe how insanely awesome it is.

[ultama121]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OS-tan
Funny idea.
Oh and btw, without looking at who each of them are, can you guess what os is which?
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/b/b6/Ostans.jpg
Fap away pedos.
Oh yeah... and there are some applications in there. :-3

[ultama121]

http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/review/dragonball-evolution

Oh man.

[Bodzilla]

Pro's and cons of the DBZ movie:

+ Might be fun when you're hammered and surrounded by friends. Or suicidal, and need something to push you over the edge.
− Basically everything.

that review made me laugh out loud, but my inner child cries and rocks in the corner wit ha razor blade.

HOW COULD THEY DO THIS!

[p0lar_bear]

This is like mature art on DeviantArt: I want to see it just to fucking facepalm at it now. :lol:

[mech]

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/crime/2009/04/10/fried.chicken.theft.dnt.wjxt















































GIVE US THE CHICKEN

[k4is3rxkh40s]

Bump for great justice.



A hairdresser from the small Russian town of Meshchovsk has subdued a man who tried to rob her shop, and then raped him for three days in the utility room, Life.ru reports.


The incident occurred on Saturday, March 14. The working day was coming to an end at a small hairdressers, when a man armed with a gun rushed in and demanded the day’s earnings.
The frightened employees and customers agreed to fulfill his demand, but when the shop’s owner, 28-year-old Olga, was handing the money to the robber, she suddenly knocked him down on the floor and then tied him up with a hairdryer cord. The 32-year-old Viktor couldn’t have known that the woman was a yellow belt in karate.


Olga locked the unlucky robber in the utility room and told her colleagues that she was going to call the police – but didn’t do so. When everybody left home, she approached the man and ordered him to ‘take of his underpants’ threatening to hand him over to the police if he refuses to cooperate.Source (http://russiatoday.ru/Top_News/2009-04-14/Hairdresser_turns_robber_into_sex-slave.html?fullstory)

[Donut]

wow dont fuck with russians :XD:
and she would be named olga. go figure

[n00b1n8R]

lucky guy

[ExAm]

Good kind of rape or bad kind of rape?
As long as she's hot and isn't sodomizing me i'd be pretty okay with it for a day or so.

[Pooky]

Yeah I'm not really sure what he was complaining about <_<

[ExAm]

She gave him food and a thousand rubles man, that's like 30 bucks! I'd be all "Yo dudes i'm droppin' the charges see ya".

[Bodzilla]

roll on the fucking floor laughing.

thats unreal!

E:
BRB Robbing Olga's hair salon.

as if you'd say no to that shit. incredible.

[TreborMaharg]

LOL, I've never heard of a woman raping a man before.

[LesserOf2Evils]

http://www.cracked.com/article_16546_6-raunchiest-most-depraved-sex-acts-from-bible.html

[Bodzilla]

oh my fucking god

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

[LesserOf2Evils]

oh my fucking god

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

Yeah that pretty much sums it up.

[klange]

http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1894410_1893837_1894180,00.html

It's real, too.

The world has already started imploding.

[Con]

I took one look at that and laughed.

[nooBBooze]

My god, the old media really IS dying.

[ThePlague]

This isn't quite an article, but I think it fits close to the category. It's a business letter I made for my LA class, and it's funny as hell.


326 Ash Boulevard
Florence, AZ 85310
April 30, 2009






Dr. Octa Gonapus
Chargin The Lazer Department Chair
St. Firin College
1234 Lazer Street
Tucson, AZ 82351




Dear Dr. Gonapus:


In response to the ad I saw and acquired from your college, I am applying for a position on the staff of the Lazer News. I have enclosed many recommendations from Shoop Da Woops as well as some articles I have written for my high school newspaper, Chargers Anonymous.




I have been the head on the staff of the Chargers Anonymous for four years. I have always enjoyed writing, and this year I hope to major in writing at St. Firin College. I am very creative, well organized, and have yet to miss a paper's deadline. In addition to writing, I can also do editing and layout work.


If you would like more information, please let my know by calling 623-867-5309 anytime during the day or by e-mailing me at <immacharginmuhlazor@hotmail.com>. Thank you very much for reading and considering my application. I hope to and look forward to hearing from you.


Sincerely,








John Anonymous




Encl. Recommendations and writing letters.

[ultama121]

But that wasn't funny... :ugh:

[LlamaMaster]

But that wasn't funny... :ugh:
This. Don't claim you're funny when you're not.

[Pyong Kawaguchi]

http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/47170
The name of that made me lol.

[cheezdue]

http://www.ttthings.com/images/uploads/if_i_was_a_robot.jpg

[Syuusuke]

I think you got the wrong thread my dude.

And uh let's get this going (http://www.toplessrobot.com/2009/05/the_9_least_necessary_female_versions_of_male_supe .php)

[ExAm]

I think he just read "funny random" at the end of the topic link and posted.

[mech]

http://scitech.blogs.cnn.com/



May 12, 2009
Bill could mean jail for Internet flamers (http://scitech.blogs.cnn.com/2009/05/12/bill-could-mean-jail-for-internet-flamers/)
Posted: 11:32 AM ET
A cyberbullying bill introduced last month has the potential to put half the Internet behind bars.
http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2009/images/05/12/myspace.webpage.jpg
The Megan Meier Cyberbullying Prevention Act (http://thomas.loc.gov/cgi-bin/query/z?c111:H.R.1966:) is Congress’ response to the 2006 suicide of a 13-year-old girl who was harassed on MySpace. (http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/11/26/internet.suicide/index.html) The bill makes electronic communication a felony if “the intent is to coerce, intimidate, harass, or cause substantial emotional distress to a person.”
Congressmen probably aren’t the most Web-savvy bunch, but anyone familiar with trolling, flaming, and various other forms of online bullying could see a problem with this bill.
Network World examines the bill and explains this new breed of Internet criminal: (http://www.networkworld.com/news/2009/050809-bullying-bill.html)

Given the freewheeling exchanges that characterize everything from SMS text messages and instant messaging to blogs and Web site comments, the broadly written bill potentially could turn a lot of flamers and bloggers into felons.
Amid growing online criticism, (http://volokh.com/posts/1241122059.shtml) bill sponsor Rep. Linda Sanchez defended the Cyberbullying Prevention Act in a Huffington Post article (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rep-linda-sanchez/protecting-victims-preser_b_198079.html) this month:

Congress has no interest in censoring speech and it will not do so if it passes this bill. Put simply, this legislation would be used as a tool for a judge and jury to determine whether there is significant evidence to prove that a person “cyberbullied” another… So — bloggers, emailers, texters, spiteful exes, and those who have blogged against this bill have no fear — your words are still protected under the same American values.
While Rep. Sanchez’s assurances may be comforting, judges tend to follow the wording of a law rather than its sponsor’s intent. So before you text your cheating ex, slam those Apple forum fanboys, or call me a ‘moron’ in the comments, consider the possible consequences of this new bill, or at least put your lawyer’s number on speed dial.

Posted by: Wes Finley-Price -- CNN.com Webmaster (http://scitech.blogs.cnn.com/tag/wes-finley-price-cnncom-webmaster/)
Filed under: Internet (http://scitech.blogs.cnn.com/category/internet/) • Politics (http://scitech.blogs.cnn.com/category/politics/)



:ohdear:

[LlamaMaster]

http://img300.imageshack.us/img300/3897/whattheshit.jpg (http://img300.imageshack.us/my.php?image=whattheshit.jpg)

Sums up my thoughts pretty well.

[sdavis117]

Well, there goes 4chan.

[ICEE]

Well, there goes 4chan.

I was appalled by the very idea of the bill until i read this post.

[ultama121]

Lol. Biggest newfags ever= U.S. Congress.

[n00b1n8R]

Turns out yelling at my screen makes me feel better.

SHIT THESE FUCKING MORON CUNTS BACKSEAT MODERATING MY INTERNET FUCKING FAGGOTS

I've never verbally raged at anything IRL that I saw on the net before :ohdear:

[LlamaMaster]

Turns out yelling at my screen makes me feel better.

SHIT THESE FUCKING MORON CUNTS BACKSEAT MODERATING MY INTERNET FUCKING FAGGOTS

I've never verbally raged at anything IRL that I saw on the net before :ohdear:
Really? I flick off my TV every day. The unbelievable bullshit that unfolds before me is too intense not to take some form of physical action. Same goes for interwebs. (although MUCH less often)

[Con]

On a scale on 1 to serious, this is a 2. These bills never get anywhere, and even if it does it'll be as the guy described. It's not like they're going to hunt people down for calling each other gay over the internets. It's a tool is all.

[LlamaMaster]

How To Suck Your Own Dick (http://www.collegesexadvice.com/suck-dick.shtml)
NSFW drawings inside. :gar:

[itszutak]

How To Suck Your Own Dick (http://www.collegesexadvice.com/suck-dick.shtml)
NSFW drawings inside. :gar:
I see somebody else frequents FP :v:

[LlamaMaster]

I see somebody else frequents FP :v:
:iamafag:

[Mr Buckshot]

How To Suck Your Own Dick (http://www.collegesexadvice.com/suck-dick.shtml)
NSFW drawings inside. :gar:

Oh god, hilarious.

[Disaster]

:mech2:

[LesserOf2Evils]

http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/blog/ball_dont_lie/post/Shaq-admits-to-taking-performance-enhancing-cere?urn=nba,163521

[mech]

This guy can suck his own dick

Some might find this disturbing

gettin some head (http://www.snopes.com/photos/gruesome/decapitation.asp)

[LlamaMaster]

Hahahahaha, oh wow.

[p0lar_bear]

I'm with the guy in that article, the pictures were less gross, and more surreal.

[n00b1n8R]

For once, I didn't laugh.
wow. O_o

[OmegaDragon]

Man Charged with penis 'puppet' incident (http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2009/05/21/Man-charged-in-penis-puppet-incident/UPI-25521242932014/)

FEDERAL WAY, Wash., May 21 (UPI) -- Police in Washington state said a suspect used his genitals as a puppet while standing over an air conditioner intake at an apartment complex. The police report of the incident said Timothy Wayne Martin, 44, of Auburn, Wash., was arrested after residents of the Arcadia Apartment Complex in Federal Way called police at about 10:30 a.m. May 13 and reported a man standing over an air conditioner intake wearing only an unbuttoned flannel shirt and "was apparently manipulating" his penis with a string "like a puppet," Seattlepi.com reported Thursday.
Police said Martin was arrested at the scene and still had the string attached to his penis. He was charged under the state's felony indecent exposure statute due to having two prior convictions for similar crimes.
Martin was also in possession of a small quantity of methamphetamine at the time of his arrest. Police said he also had a pornographic magazine.
The suspect was taken to the Norm Maleng Regional Justice Center in lieu of $25,000 bail.
:gonk:

[sdavis117]

MAKE THE MENTAL IMAGES GO AWAY!!!

[Timo]

Don't let these people borrow your car. . .


This new Airbus A340-600, one of the largest passenger airliners
ever built sits just outside its hangar in Toulouse, France
without a single hour of airtime.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_97xiVJFB8jo/SXi7wBlbYnI/AAAAAAABahY/Pqoe7FKV-bU/s400/A-340-600_5.JPG
Enter the flight crew of Abu Dhabi Aircraft Technologies
(ADAT) to conduct pre-delivery tests on the ground, such as
engine run-ups prior to delivery to Etihad Airways in Abu Dhabi.
The ADAT crew taxied the A340-600 to the run-up area.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_97xiVJFB8jo/SXi8eEL3EMI/AAAAAAABah4/5rFmi5fb0D8/s400/6a00d8341ca08d53ef00e54f2ea87e8833-800wi.jpg
Then they took all four engines to takeoff power with a
virtually empty aircraft. Not having read the run-up
manuals, they had no clue just how light an empty
A340-600 really is.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_97xiVJFB8jo/SXi7wJ2GMtI/AAAAAAABahg/Q0Q039NI8Lo/s400/airbus_a380_interior04.jpg
The takeoff warning horn was blaring away in the cockpit
because they had all 4 engines at full power. The aircraft
computers thought they were trying to take off, but it had
not been configured properly (flaps/slats, etc.).
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_97xiVJFB8jo/SXi7wnMWMhI/AAAAAAABahw/auHKyk4hxk0/s400/Singapore_airlines_12.jpg
Then one of the ADAT crew decided to pull the circuit
breaker on the Ground Proximity Sensor to silence the alarm.
This fools the aircraft into thinking it is in the air. The computers
automatically released all the brakes and set the aircraft rocketing
forward.The ADAT crew had no idea that this is a safety feature
so that pilots can't land with the brakes on.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_97xiVJFB8jo/SXi6HdClo2I/AAAAAAABahI/EwRp7VTIUSo/s400/etihad05.jpg
Not one member of the seven-man crew was smart
enough to throttle back the engines from their max power
setting, so the $200 million brand-new aircraft crashed
into a blast barrier, totaling it.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_97xiVJFB8jo/SXi6HLT6clI/AAAAAAABahA/zhDxI1JtLv0/s400/etihad04.jpg
The extent of injuries to the crew is unknown due to the
news blackout in the major media in France and elsewhere.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_97xiVJFB8jo/SXi6GkFO17I/AAAAAAABag4/JUiWUoctnDo/s400/etihad03.jpg
Coverage of the story was deemed insulting to ADAT
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_97xiVJFB8jo/SXi6GtBLRgI/AAAAAAABagw/A72GWvvC4IY/s400/etihad02.jpg
The photos are starting to leak out.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_97xiVJFB8jo/SXi6Gbw_z_I/AAAAAAABago/frFpM_efgwc/s400/etihad01.jpg
Airbus $200,000,000.00 Nice.

Source (http://kevintren.posterous.com/dont-let-these-people-borrow-your-car)

lol.

[thehoodedsmack]

Lol. Indian drivers. :iamafag:

Seriously, though, that's just rage-inducing. Such a waste. >__<

[sdavis117]

A car? Those guys shouldn't be allowed near anything that has any wheels and/or can move.

They fucked up. Big time.

[Bodzilla]

holly fucking shit XD

"dam man this thing keeps fucking beeping at me, somehting about safety or proper use or someshit, really fuckign annoying"
"i think it comes from this cord, should i yank it"
"fuck yeah man yank that shit, fuckign stupid things annoying as fuck"

and that my friend is how you waste 200 million dollars.

[LesserOf2Evils]

http://www.badassoftheweek.com/mmburugu.html
http://pixlpixies.com/?p=3003

[OmegaDragon]

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2009/05/28/state/n073959D94.DTL&tsp=1

[Heathen]

Man Charged with penis 'puppet' incident (http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2009/05/21/Man-charged-in-penis-puppet-incident/UPI-25521242932014/)

:gonk:
HAHAHAHAHAH

[ultama121]

500 Internal Server Error

Sorry, something went wrong.

A team of highly trained monkeys has been dispatched to deal with this situation.
Also, please include the following information in your error report:

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uEFN70ZS5bW5wJ0ef7RIljZtD7YKYZlO8L3yjQJyoxm-39FF38xIya_PELv8
CL2m_FC2efiusQX81shhTe740l_Ja3vxvihsqCRkpCYNqd0MY3 Zn6K6GtdKq
MouauLpmzlbfVBxhqcP_n56jokkiTCLaYC_2rnMik4MXG-PTIXIR-a4xHnej
AGLDMhrGmzOmCdz-YsZFgySHSXFhIkTr9lHoIq_VPyd9rOUMAStlUd2hrxC1
mGDIEwmfmTz9Wp32wfpGsq8M1Ex7s9YwJWfpjr7UE9KaTu28bV cWBV2ZSdKe
5FXbv2PRYbePhaFMm9fpxyO0LD7xTvRj2A5lKTE8apJXTG7bft B1nYyCE9Fl
QYMu3zGQmVpypzvGPHJqxShAtZNU40Oj2aKmHPBT-A1x6KwMPY_m96DfWYQ9
_o8vNdlhgACMCN8xJIczEGCdlDjCSubkQhnXKZZsb90KXQkdcD 8AorbQjQka
VKuOkdQQwXc_CKq8vaeGMjgaImcFkCkxS0Wf28Kg-QQmQoCIbXmcUXIxEJAG
5p_gnKErs8WEX5skEH1N-FTiPmDlYsWIOAMx8u8J130dcxhHRRoJQsRYgNqq
6AkW_YRZxOseL-p6YuMzleqHcU8VfJIFcnuliUhazsHjOcxEt8GzSgcnmsBI
Jsd7HSUmFKWWEDErryZ57FakdDdSsqBG1D1lKpvi0y8VN2-svt8Xo02-pfwb
3bZuLiOd6AcKBZyxF-8TCvwxqP0CZgd_gHhpvp6XRP1IhlGZ1lRwURKXZg==
:saddowns:

[ExAm]

Construction Crew Severs Secret ‘Black Line’ (http://www.wired.com/threatlevel/2009/06/blackline/)


A construction crew working on an office building in Virginia in 2000 severed a fiber optic cable that wasn’t on anyone’s map. Apparently it was a ‘black line’ used for carrying secret intelligence data, according to sources who spoke recently with the Washington Post.

Within minutes of cutting the cable, three black SUV’s pulled up carrying men in suits who complained that their line was severed.

“The construction manager was shocked,” a worker told the Washington Post. “He had never seen a line get cut and people show up within seconds. Usually you’ve got to figure out whose line it is. To garner that kind of response that quickly was amazing.”

AT&T crews arrived the same day to fix the line, an unusually prompt response. When AT&T tried to bill the construction company $300,000, the company balked and the charges “just disappeared.”

The cut occurred in the Tysons Corner region, where the neighbors include the Office of the Director of National Intelligence and the National Counterterrorism Center. The Central Intelligence Agency is a few miles away.

Tysons is also home to a site belonging to the Warrenton Training Center, a communications training center and support facility for the National Communications System that is suspected of handling some communication for the CIA.
I lol'd

[Bodzilla]

fucking ownd

[itszutak]

http://www.varasanos.com/PizzaRecipe.htm

Starts off kind of like a normal recipie, if not a bit too much fanfare for some pizza.

Then you see the sidebar.

It is over 100 pages on how to cook a single kind of pizza. A pizza that only cooks for less than a minute.

Does anybody else find this a bit...I don't know, obsessive?

[Heathen]

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3067/2629733503_84b6da3912_o.jpg
And it looks fucking gross

[itszutak]

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3067/2629733503_84b6da3912_o.jpg
And it looks fucking gross
n, I've actually had great pizzas that looked like that. Just not worth 100 pages of effort and tomatoes from some specific place in milan or whatever

[Heathen]

n, I've actually had great pizzas that looked like that. Just not worth 100 pages of effort and tomatoes from some specific place in milan or whatever
D: you would eat that shit?

[ExAm]

D: you would eat that shit?>_>

wtf dude it just looks like some specialty pizza, not a piece of shit. It actually looks like it'd taste good.

[MetKiller Joe]

D: you would eat that shit?

Starvin' Marvin would.

Italian pizzas are great. Put some olive oil on it, and its delicious.

[Heathen]

>_>
not a piece of shit
not too far from it

[p0lar_bear]

not too far from it

Just because it doesn't look like Dominblows or Fappa Gino's pizza doesn't mean it sucks. I've made homemade ones that looked worse than that, and they were still fucking awesome.

[Heathen]

I just wont eat something that looks like ass.

I cant get passed the big black spots and the way the cheese looks like fungus.

I'm sure its very tasty.
It just looks fucking nasty.

[itszutak]

I just wont eat something that looks like ass.

I cant get passed the big black spots and the way the cheese looks like fungus.

I'm sure its very tasty.
It just looks fucking nasty.
When you live in the bay area, you get used to it

[Mr Buckshot]

This machine makes better pizza than that:

http://www.engadget.com/2009/03/26/lets-pizza-machine-cooks-you-a-pie-in-three-minutes-wont-as/

(I know I posted a thread about it once, but this technology is still damned awesome)

[itszutak]

This machine makes better pizza than that:

http://www.engadget.com/2009/03/26/lets-pizza-machine-cooks-you-a-pie-in-three-minutes-wont-as/

(I know I posted a thread about it once, but this technology is still damned awesome)
It looks like cooked frozen pizza :<

[jngrow]

When you live in the bay area, you get used to it

yeeyee






OH GOD

[Heathen]

It looks like cooked frozen pizza :<
better than looking like shit imo

[itszutak]

better than looking like shit imo
Trust me, those half-burnt thin-crust pizzas are among the best I've ever had.


Just not worth the insane amount of effort that guy puts into his pizza :v:


yeeyee






OH GOD
lolwut
E: Bit of clarification for Buckshot: yes, California bay area.

[n00b1n8R]

I just wont eat something that looks like ass.

I cant get passed the big black spots and the way the cheese looks like fungus.

I'm sure its very tasty.
It just looks fucking nasty.
oh no the crust is a little burned!
oh dear the cheese isn't yellow!
i've never seen a real fire baked pizza in my life!

Look at dis scrub.

[Bodzilla]

thats right n00b. look at dat scrub.


but you know whats cool?
on sunday i made The Bac0n8r.

Bacon cooked and weaved together to make a matt,
Mexican mince with garlic, rosemary and cheese stuffed inside the rolled bacon and the outside covered in bread crumbs.

Greatest thing ever.
http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i80/bodzilla_1/DSCF0290.jpg

served with a some avocardo, lettuce, cucumber and carrot.

i took a heap of pics, was thinking about doing another silly thread, then i remembered i dont like raping innocent memes.

[n00b1n8R]

it looks like an aborted cow foetus

:iamafag:

[Bodzilla]

incredible does not describe the flavour of bacon infused with mexican goodness and cheese.

450 000 callibers in every bite.

[n00b1n8R]

incredible does not describe the flavour of bacon infused with mexican goodness and cheese.

450 000 callibers in every bite.
more like 450 000 calories.

[Bodzilla]

the taste of god comes in many forms.

[itszutak]

thats right n00b. look at dat scrub.


but you know whats cool?
on sunday i made The Bac0n8r.

Bacon cooked and weaved together to make a matt,
Mexican mince with garlic, rosemary and cheese stuffed inside the rolled bacon and the outside covered in bread crumbs.

Greatest thing ever.
[NSFW pic removed]

served with a some avocardo, lettuce, cucumber and carrot.

i took a heap of pics, was thinking about doing another silly thread, then i remembered i dont like raping innocent memes.
Dude I think you're supposed to remove the strings on that before you serve it

[Bodzilla]

i dont know about you guys, but doesnt everybody eat off the frying pan rather then grab a plate?

these kids today!

[LlamaMaster]

Jesus, that looks disgusting! I'm not saying I wouldn't eat it, but :gonk:

[Hotrod]

Jesus, that looks disgusting! I'm not saying I wouldn't eat it, but :gonk:
I think it looks pretty good actually :)

[Heathen]

thats right n00b. look at dat scrub.


but you know whats cool?
on sunday i made The Bac0n8r.

Bacon cooked and weaved together to make a matt,
Mexican mince with garlic, rosemary and cheese stuffed inside the rolled bacon and the outside covered in bread crumbs.

Greatest thing ever.
http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i80/bodzilla_1/DSCF0290.jpg

served with a some avocardo, lettuce, cucumber and carrot.

i took a heap of pics, was thinking about doing another silly thread, then i remembered i dont like raping innocent memes.
oh god D:
Naw looks good.

And I was just being difficult. I know its probably tasty, it just looks nasty.

Shit. I'm from Louisiana, who am I to be talking about nasty looking food.
Boudin, Crawfish, all that tasty shit.

[ICEE]

that looks sounds fucking awesome bod. the rest of you guys are wusses, wont eat ugly food. shit don't you know ugly food is the best?

look at this ugly fucker
http://kaweahoaks.com/html/crawdad03opt.jpg

And yet his insides are delicious. You just boil him, pop off the head and suck out whatever you can from the cavity. its fucking amazing.

E: FFFFF heathen mentioned it already

[Heathen]

that looks sounds fucking awesome bod. the rest of you guys are wusses, wont eat ugly food. shit don't you know ugly food is the best?

look at this ugly fucker
http://kaweahoaks.com/html/crawdad03opt.jpg

And yet his insides are delicious. You just boil him, pop off the head and suck out whatever you can from the cavity. its fucking amazing.

E: FFFFF heathen mentioned it already
FUCKING DELICIOUS
Going eat some tonight actually.

[ICEE]

D: I want some god damn havent had them in years

[Heathen]

D: I want some god damn havent had them in years
come down here.
Its fucking fantastic.
Where do you live clad? Cali iirc.
And where did you eat it?

[ExAm]

I won't eat lobster, because when you open them up they've always got this green shit inside them, which I assume is just that.

[Heathen]

I won't eat lobster, because when you open them up they've always got this green shit inside them, which I assume is just that.
then you wouldn't like crawfish :fail:
http://whatscookingamerica.net/Seafood/PouringCrawfish3.jpg
Look at that tasty shit right there.


IcfQGQLQCOA
And yes, imported crawfish is NASTY

[ExAm]

then you wouldn't like crawfish
Precisely. I hate all shellfish.

Except for crab legs and cakes.

Those are good.

[ICEE]

Precisely. I hate all shellfish.

:toughguy:


But yeah I live in southern cali heathen. Had them at my dad's buddies mardi gra party. My dad doesn't talk to that guy anymore so I have zero access to the innards of crawdads. Theres some living in a creek near my house, but I suspect that water is contaminated.


Since I shat in it myself

[ExAm]

Repostin' Voytek 'cuz he's awesome and requires reposting. (http://www.badassoftheweek.com/voytek.html)



Voytek the Soldier Bear
http://www.badassoftheweek.com/voytek.jpg
"He liked a cigarette, he liked a bottle of beer - he drank a bottle of beer like any man."

For centuries, Poland has been known specifically for two things – badass spicy sausages, and getting epically fucked over by every other European nation in every possible way. Polish people are constantly getting about as much respect as the Duke University football program, and the once-proud nation has been carved up more times than Joan Rivers’ face. The early days of World War II was no exception, when the unsuspecting, peaceful Poles all of a sudden found themselves getting sneak-attack double-teamed by the international military superpower dickheads Germany and the Soviet Union. Sure, the Communists and Fascists fucking hated each other, but apparently they were willing to join forces and work together to oppress the citizens of Poland, steal their land, and imprison anyone they damn well pleased.
Of course we know about what the Germans did to the people of Poland, but it certainly wasn’t any picnic being on the receiving end of the sickle and hammer either. Captured Polish POWs that weren’t executed on the spot by the Russkies were shipped out to fucking hardcore Gulags in Siberia, where the spent twelve hours a day eating disgusting borscht and gruel, mining snow from ice caves with pickaxes like the Dwarves in Snow White and toiling away in temperatures that never got above negative fifty degrees in the summertime. However, once Germany double-crossed the Soviets and started beating the holy living shitburgers out of the Red Army, Josef Stalin all of a sudden had a change of heart and decided to let captured Polish POWs out of prison so they could help fight for the Allies. Since the Poles weren’t too keen on fighting on behalf of the Russians who had oppressed and imprisoned them, they decided to serve under the British instead. A large number of these men were put on trains and sent to Iran, where they formed up into the Polish Second Army Corps. II Corps’ first mission was to travel to Palestine, link up with the British 8th Army and assist in the Allied invasion of Italy.
On their trip through Iran, the men of the Polish 22nd Transport Artillery Supply Company came across a young Iranian boy wandering through the desert like Jim Morrison tripping balls, and carrying a large cloth sack. The men thought the boy looked tired and hungry, so they gave him some food and a Crunch bar or some shit. When the kid thanked them, the Poles asked what was in the bag. The boy opened it up and revealed a tiny, malnourished brown bear cub. Since the soldiers knew the little cub was in very poor health and needed attention quickly, they bought the bear from the kid for a few bucks (or whatever the hell they used for money in 1940’s Iran – I can’t be bothered to look it up), and fed it some condensed milk from a makeshift bottle. For the next several days, they nursed the bear back to health, giving it food, water, and a warm place to sleep.
Over the long journey from Iran to Palestine, the bear, now named Voytek (it’s spelled Wojtek in Polish but pronounced "Voytek” because Polish is a crazy fucking language) quickly became the unofficial mascot of the 22nd Company. The bear would sit around the campfire with the men, eating, drinking, and sleeping in tents with the rest of the soldiers. The bear loved smoking cigarettes, drank beer right out of the bottle like a regular infantryman, and got a kick out of wrestling and play-fighting with the other soldiers. Of course, he was the most badass asskicking wrester in the entire company, thanks in part to the fact that he grew to be six feet tall, weighed roughly five hundred pounds, and could knock small trees over with a single swing of his massive, clawed paw. He grew to be a part of the unit, improving the morale of men who had spent several years getting their asses kicked in slave labor camps, and was treated as though he were just another hard-drinkin’, hard-smoking’, hard-fightin’, hair-growin’ soldier in the Company. When the unit marched out on a mission, Voytek would stand up on his hind legs and march alongside them. When the motorized convoy was on the move, Voytek sat in the passenger seat of one of the jeeps, hanging his head out the window and shocking the shit out of people walking down the street.


http://www.badassoftheweek.com/voytek1.jpg


In addition to kicking peoples’ asses and drinking beer, Voytek also enjoyed taking hot baths for some reason. Over the summer in Palestine, he learned how to work the showers, and you could pretty much always find him splashing around the bath house. Once, he entered the bath hut and came across a spy who had been planted to gather intelligence on the Allied camp. Voytek growled, slapped the dude upside his stupid head, and the man immediately crapped his pants and surrendered. The Soldier Bear was lauded as a hero for successfully capturing an enemy agent, who in turn was interrogated and gave up vital intelligence on enemy positions.
When it was time to stop fucking around and get “in the shit” as they say, II Corps linked up with the hardcore British 8th Army and headed out to the middle of the Category 5 Crapstorm the was brewing in Italy. The problem, however, was that British High Command did not allow any pets or animals in their camp, so the Polish Army formally enlisted Voytek the Bear into their ranks. He was given the rank of Private, assigned a serial number, and from that point on was included in all official unit rosters. The Brits were like, “whatever chaps”, and didn’t even bat an eye when Voytek marched ashore with the rest of the 22nd Company.
The Poles’ Finest Hour of the war came in the incredibly bloody battle for Monte Cassino. By the time II Corps arrived, the Germans were deeply entrenched in the hilltop monastery, and three previous Allied assaults on the position had all proved more fruitless than a South Florida orange tree in the middle of a worldwide Nuclear Winter. The campaign was proving to be one of the bloodiest battles of the Western Front, and the Poles were brought in to make the final push to capture the fortress. During the fighting, Voytek the Hero Bear actually hand-carried boxes of ammunition, some weighing in at over 100 pounds, from supply trucks to artillery positions on the front lines. He worked tirelessly, day and night, bringing supplies to his friends who were bravely battling the Nazis. He never rested, never dropped a single artillery shell, and never showed any fear despite his position being under constant enemy fire and heavy shelling. His actions were so inspiring to his fellow soldiers that after the battle the official insignia of the 22nd Artillery was changed to a picture of Voytek carrying an armful of howitzer ammunition. In the same vein, you have to assume that it was pretty fucking demoralizing to the Germans to see that the Poles had a fucking GIANT GODDAMNED BROWN BEAR fighting on their side.


http://www.badassoftheweek.com/voytek3.jpg


Thanks in part to the heavy shelling by their artillery, the Polish forces broke through the Nazi defenses and captured Monte Cassino. Voytek and his comrades would go one to fight the Germans across the Italian peninsula, breaking through the enemy lines and forcing the Krauts out of Italia for good. After the war, some elements of the Polish Army, including Voytek, were reassigned to Scotland, since Poland was under USSR control, and many Polish soldiers did not like the prospect of living in a Soviet-run police state. Voytek lived out the rest of his days in the Edinburgh Zoo, where he passed away in 1963 at the age of 22. It was said that he always perked up when he heard the Polish language spoken by zoo guests, and during his life in there he was always being visited by his old friends from the Polish Army – some of whom would throw cigarettes down into his open arms, some of whom would even jump into the bear enclosure and wrestle with him for old time’s sake.
The idea of a fucking alcoholic Nazi-fighting bear is so awesome that you’d think it was something out of a bizarre cartoon or a Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie. It’s the sort of shit that, even with all of the historical evidence, seems too totally awesome to be true. The bear was a hero of World War II, and there are statues of him and plaques memorializing his brave service in Poland, Edinburgh, the Imperial War Museum in London, and the Canadian War Museum. Unbelieveable.

http://www.badassoftheweek.com/voytek4.jpg

[Heathen]

Repostin' Voytek 'cuz he's awesome and requires reposting. (http://www.badassoftheweek.com/voytek.html)
rofl i saw this on stumble :downs:

[ultama121]

This is it guys. The HL2 Ep 3 ending...

Ok, I appear to be the ONLY ONE on this ENTIRE INTERNET that knows how Half-Life 2: Episode 3 is going down. I'm posting here because it's pretty closely linked to TF2.

Ok, firstly, Gordon Freeman gets on that boat. The Aperture boat. The reason that guy Vanse or whatever didn't want him on that boat is because that boat is actually where GLaDOS (is that right?) is being stored, IN THE FUTURE FROM PORTAL!

Ok, spoilers from Portal start now, so look away if you actually haven't played Portal, you poor, misguided soul.



After Chell got rid of the giant hanging computer, GLaDOS, she ended up in some sorta outdoor area, am I right or am I right? Turns out that was actually a field in what Washington (the state, in the northwest.) She walked awhile and found a boat. That was the Aperture boat. The entire game took place on a boat. Once she saw that thing was from Aperture, she sunk it faster than Lindsay Lohan became obscure.


Portal spoilers END HERE. http://forums.steampowered.com/forums/v4_images/smilies/biggrin.gif !!!!


Ok, time for a little history lesson. The events of Portal, as explained in files from the boat (as played in EP3) occurred in 1968. The events of TF2 also occur in 1968. The Black Mesa incident occurred about 30 years afterward. Then Gorduhn Freeman got in a coma or totally wasted or whatever and basically couldn't remember the last 20 years. This is all starting to fit together, right?

Moving to how it works with TF2, and why all the humans were dead in Aperture. Yeah they were dead. Because guess what you find in EP3. The cryogenically frozen cast of TF2. All the humans died in Aperture after a horrible long-distance experiment gone wrong released a confused RED team upon the labs, after which a massacre occured. GLaDOS, recognizing their power, had them frozen.

In an attempt to find who was strongest, GLaDOS started to conduct tests using the Portal Gun on them. The first test subject, the Spy, became horribly deluded and was unable to face the pressures of the test (he's the one who wrote on the walls in his own blood.) He eventually disguised himself as a cube permanently, which Portal players may know as the Weighted Companion Cube.

Test subject #2. The Pyro. For the cryogenic freezing to occur, the Pyro's iconic suit had to be removed. Its wearer? Chell Freeman... Gordon Freeman's mother.

The events stated in the Portal spoilers section above occur. Chell then moves to the Arizona (New Mexico? whatever) desert, to a secret facility known as Black Mesa, where her scientific expertise (yeah she has some) is needed. Eventually, she hooked up with the (then-dashing) up-and-coming young scientist, Breen, and they had a kid. Gordon Freeman. Yeah. That was 1977 or 1978.

Shortly after Ep. 3's release, a patch will be released for TF2 that sets it in 1969 (AFTER the RED team is captured) that removes both the Pyro (whom we now know as Chell) and the Spy (Companion Cube) and replaces them with Zoey and Louis from Left 4 Dead, to be explained later.)

Anyway, so Gordon Freeman ALSO finds on the boat in EP3 proof that the disaster (with the Combine and all?) isn't nearly as bad as everyone thought it was. Turns out it was just a bad year for Detroit, and so Gordon and Alyx and that old woman escape the hellhole of a tourist city to find a perfectly normal world.

EXCEPT.

Far away: zombies. After settling down to live a peaceful life in New York in what appears to be the epilogue of EP3, zombie stuff starts going down and now they (Freeman & co.) gotta escape. They head back to a now stable Detroit (well, stable RELATIVE to Detroit) to find out how to stop the zombies. That's where they run into the L4D crew, whom they start stalking silently, figuring they could lead them to an answer.

In a hilarious Ugly Betty-esque moment, they are discovered when Gordon falls out of a ceiling grate. Suddenly overcome with emotion, Gordon recognizes Zoey as his own mother. But she's younger than him! They realize together (somehow) that she must go back in time to fulfill her destiny as Freeman's mother, or else this entire run-on plot might not have ever existed. So, she changes her name to Chell, and uses the time-machine technology Gordon stole from the Combine to go back to 1968 and become a pyromaniac. At the last second, Louis decides he loves her and goes with her. Later, we recognize him as the Demoman. Suddenly, the zombies are all gone and the plot is resolved.



Wow! I just blew your freakin' minds! That's just my theory, but my second theory is that both of my theories are gonna be proven 100% true, so get to retooling whatever crappy plot ending YOU came up with, Valve.
http://forums.steampowered.com/forums/showthread.php?t=897995

[p0lar_bear]

Oh god, that's the best fan spec I have ever read in my life.

[klange]

Oh god, that's the best fan spec I have ever read in my life.
.

[ultama121]

http://i44.tinypic.com/mv4yzn.jpg

[Jean-Luc]

:ohdear:

[Bodzilla]

wow.

[n00b1n8R]

this is my face right now: :v:

incest rape by a chick to a guy

:v:

[rossmum]

that's fucked up

[Cagerrin]

Is it just me, or does that sound suspiciously like copypasta?

[ICEE]

Is it just me, or does that sound suspiciously like copypasta?

Not only this, but it sounds like bullshit. If the girl was that fucked up, then there would be other signs, and someone would believe the kid

[n00b1n8R]

Is it just me, or does that sound suspiciously like copypasta?
It even sounds familiar, but then I might have just seen the article on /b/ before.

Not only this, but it sounds like bullshit. If the girl was that fucked up, then there would be other signs, and someone would believe the kid
http://www.pastdeadline.com/images/2008/01/07/dexter1.jpg

[rossmum]

this site owns

http://www.wikihow.com/Dig-a-Bullet-Out-of-Yourself
http://www.wikihow.com/Hide-an-Erection
http://www.wikihow.com/Act-Like-a-Baby-on-Club-Penguin-and-Be-More-Cute
http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Your-Mom-to-Approve-of-Your-Friends
http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Better-at-Playing-Counter-Strike
http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Furry-Persona-(Fursona) (http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Furry-Persona-%28Fursona)
http://www.wikihow.com/Tell-Your-Mom-You-Are-Gay
http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Your-Girlfriend-to-Play-Video-Games
http://www.wikihow.com/Treat-a-Burn-Using-Honey
http://www.wikihow.com/Eliminate-Squirrels
http://www.wikihow.com/Adopt-a-Child-if-You-Are-Gay
http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Remembered-After-You-Die
http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Others-Stop-Annoying-Behavior
http://www.wikihow.com/Avoid-Getting-Beat-Up-by-a-Bully
http://www.wikihow.com/Play-with-Your-Dog
http://www.wikihow.com/Persuade-an-Atheist-to-Become-Christian
http://www.wikihow.com/Teabag-in-Halo-3
http://www.wikihow.com/Refill-a-Stapler
http://www.wikihow.com/Browse-Internet-Websites-Without-Your-Parents-Knowing
http://www.wikihow.com/Avoid-Becoming-a-Sexual-Predator

could do this all day

[ultama121]

Now I can teabag in Halo 3 like a pro!

[ultama121]

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=animals

[n00b1n8R]

Wait did he finally update?

[DEElekgolo]

http://img269.imageshack.us/img269/1883/captureaou.png

[sdavis117]

http://www.ghacks.net/2009/06/30/the-piratebay-sold-to-swedish-software-company/



We had to check the date on the story that was posted on Techcrunch (http://www.techcrunch.com/2009/06/30/swedish-software-firm-acquires-the-pirate-bay-for-77-million/) this morning which basically stated that Swedish software company Global Gaming Factory X bought The Piratebay for 60 million Swedish crowns. It is rare that websites like The Piratebay get bought off, they usually cease to exist either by legal pressure or by being closed by its administrators.
The two most important questions right now for the millions of users who use The Piratebay are these two: Who are Global Gaming Factory X and what are their intentions with the website. According (http://www.globalgamingfactory.com/Default.html) to the company “Global Gaming Factory X AB has the biggest network of internet cafés and gaming centers in the world and provides advertisers, software publishers and service providers with an unprecedented access to the large group of tourists and the large gamer community that visit these centers”.
Neither the new owners nor the Piratebay administrators revealed a lot about the changes that are about to happen to the website and business model. The only outlook can be found in the full press release:
“We would like to introduce models which entail that content providers and copyright owners get paid for content that is downloaded via the site.”
Paying the copyright owners for content that is downloaded via the site (which actually are only torrent files and not copyrighted content) can mean different things. They could share advertising revenue with copyright holders which would probably be the only revenue sharing model that would not have a huge impact on visitor numbers. It would surely be different if they would roll out a subscription based model.
We keep you updated on how things evolve from here. If you have any thoughts on the issue post a comment so that we can discuss the matter.

[English Mobster]

That's a joke... Right?

[ExAm]

Nope, they bought it. Nothing will change though, they will be "legal", in that they will have made the system so that they have no way of knowing about illegal activity on the site and therefore are not liable.

[ExAm]

Jacko fans are killing themselves...? (http://www.spike.com/blog/michael-jackson-fans/83008)



Michael Jackson Fans are Committing Suicide



According to Michael Jackson's largest online fan club, MJ fanatics have been recently committing suicide because of the pop star's tragic death.
The Sun is reporting that up to 12 die-hard Jackson followers have taken their own lives since his passing on Thursday.

Gary Taylor, who runs MJJcommunity.com, recently said, "I know there has been an increase, I now believe the figure is 12. I believe there may have been one Briton who has taken their life. It is a serious situation that these people are going through but Michael Jackson would never want this. He would want them to live."

This crazy news came to light when it was revealed that a Jackson lookalike in Russia cut his wrists after Michael's death was announced last week. The fan, Pável Talaláyev, was found bleeding heavily at his home in Moscow just hours after it was announced that Jackson had died. Luckily for him, an ambulance crew found him in time and managed to save his life. Apparently others have not been so fortunate.

The most insane aspect of this story has to be the conversation that took place in the ambulance after the paramedics had saved Talaláyev from death.

One of the paramedics stated, "He was in a terrible state and kept on saying: 'It's all the same to me. I'm going to kill myself. It's the worst tragedy of my life and I don't want to live any more. I don't know why you saved my life, I want to be with him'."

Pável is supposedly Russia's most famous Jacko lookalike and apparently modeled himself after MJ from the age of nine.

Hot damn.

[n00b1n8R]

Good riddance.

[Bodzilla]

told my dad.
"i reckon it's an excellent idea! It's about time we put some chlorine in the genepool"

[StankBacon]

fucking pathetic morons.... hope more do it.

[Hotrod]

Now that's just dumb, killing yourself because somebody else died. I don't see any logic in that at all. :/

[DrunkenSamus]

They volunteered for population control. 'Nuff said.

[Hotrod]

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/content_display/news/e3ic3a4730761c7eaf661f8482734bf73f9

Universal has won a four-studio bidding war to pick up the film rights to the classic Atari video game "Asteroids." Matthew Lopez will write the script for the feature adaptation, which will be produced by Lorenzo di Bonaventura.
...
As opposed to today's games, there is no story line or fancy world-building mythology, so the studio would be creating a plot from scratch. Universal, however, is used to that development process, as it's in the middle of doing just that for several of the Hasbro board game properties it is translating to the big screen, such as "Battleship" and "Candyland."
...
Wait...what?

[n00b1n8R]

This is a joke right?

[Bodzilla]

apparently raping and pillaging my child hood was not enough.

LETS CALL IN THE NECROPHILIACS!

[sdavis117]

"Captain, we are surrounded by asteroids."

"Turn 20 degrees clockwise. Fire. Now 30 degrees counter clockwise. Fire. Now 180 degrees. Fire."

"EACH TIME WE DESTROY ONE MORE TAKE IT'S PLACE *More Panicking*"

"WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"

"Shut up crewman, we didn't just come here from nowhere to be killed by asteroids."

"We've been hit!"

"Quickly, call in the backup ship to pick up where we left off."

This movie will be epic. I can already tell.

[p0lar_bear]

I can already hear the orchestral version of the game's music...

(that would be "boop... BOOP... boop... BOOP..." only with violins and shit)

[PlasbianX]

I hope its as good as "The Last Starfighter" :iamafag:

[Hotrod]

"Captain, we are surrounded by asteroids."

"Turn 20 degrees clockwise. Fire. Now 30 degrees counter clockwise. Fire. Now 180 degrees. Fire."

"EACH TIME WE DESTROY ONE MORE TAKE IT'S PLACE *More Panicking*"

"WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"

"Shut up crewman, we didn't just come here from nowhere to be killed by asteroids."

"We've been hit!"

"Quickly, call in the backup ship to pick up where we left off."

This movie will be epic. I can already tell.
And then we have the sequel, Asteroids 2 : The Revenge Of The Asteroids. It turns out that the asteroids are following some evil ancient asteroid called "The Blown-up", who's mission is to activate the holy space rocks to embark on a holy journey. However, the crew of the A.S.S Adventure-A have a different plan, them and their 3 other ships will use a variety of new amazing weapons to fight of the horde of asteroids, including space shotguns, space rifles, and even space auto-shotguns. In the end, the Blown-up's apprentice runs into him to save his sun, killing both, and saving the entire universe.

Amazing movie, don't you think?

[OmegaDragon]

World's strongest vagina breaks own record by lifting 14 kilos
(http://mosnews.com/weird/2009/07/07/strongvagina/)

[sdavis117]

http://webzoom.freewebs.com/acen_otaku_sexiness/KILL%20IT%20WITH%20FIRE!.jpg

[English Mobster]

:gonk:

E: I know this is a bit old, but:

told my dad.
"i reckon it's an excellent idea! It's about time we put some chlorine in the genepool"
Is it bad I always read your posts with an Australian accent, Bod?

[n00b1n8R]

:gonk:

E: I know this is a bit old, but:

Is it bad I always read your posts with an Australian accent, Bod?
I read it without an accent. :downs:

[sdavis117]

After talking to Bod on Skype, it's impossible to read his posts without an accent.

[Chainsy]

I read it without an accent wanker. :downs:
Kay.

[Pooky]

I read it without an accent, wanker. Crikey!:downs:


Kay.

Kay.

[sdavis117]

ELK GROVE, Calif. - A Northern California elementary school teacher sent her students home for the summer with a video of class memories, only the DVD included six seconds of her having sex on a couch.

Officials at the Elk Grove Unified School District asked families of the teacher's 24 students to get rid of the DVD after the unintended clip was found spliced in a scene where children were sharing stories in class.

"Just destroy them," said spokeswoman Torrey Johnson.


Johnson said the teacher, whose name isn't being released, sent the DVD home with her students from Isabelle Jackson Elementary on the last day of class Friday. She learned of the mistake after a parent called her. She then called all the parents to ask them to destroy the DVD.

The school district, located just south of Sacramento, initially sent a letter home to parents asking them to return the DVDs, but then asked parents to simply destroy them.I couldn't find the source for the above article (it was e-mailed to me), but I have a source on a less detailed version of this story.
http://current.com/items/90325113_teacher-goes-all-out-for-sex-ed.htm

[p0lar_bear]

How do you fuck THAT up?!

[sdavis117]

By forgetting to organize your folders, that's how.

That is why I make separate folders for Kindergarten memories and sex tapes of myself.

[rossmum]

http://www.shacknews.com/featuredarticle.x?id=1162

Got a bit of a chuckle out of it, and now I have the space I guess I might try the game out... more for the scenery than anything, it looks beautiful. If I wanted to just hunt, I'd go out rabbiting on the farm. vOv

[LesserOf2Evils]

Not really an article but I figured a Craigslist post would fit here best.

http://www.startupconversations.com/2007/10/best-craigslist.html

also


1 The two angels arrived at Sodom in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gateway of the city. When he saw them, he got up to meet them and bowed down with his face to the ground. 2 "My lords," he said, "please turn aside to your servant's house. You can wash your feet and spend the night and then go on your way early in the morning."
"No," they answered, "we will spend the night in the square." 3 But he insisted so strongly that they did go with him and entered his house. He prepared a meal for them, baking bread without yeast, and they ate. 4 Before they had gone to bed, all the men from every part of the city of Sodom—both young and old—surrounded the house. 5 They called to Lot, "Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them."
6 Lot went outside to meet them and shut the door behind him 7 and said, "No, my friends. Don't do this wicked thing. 8 Look, I have two daughters who have never slept with a man. Let me bring them out to you, and you can do what you like with them. But don't do anything to these men, for they have come under the protection of my roof."


Lot was a sorry ass dad.

[Heathen]

I read it without an accent. :downs:
I read them out loud with an accent.

[OmegaDragon]

Masked ball descends into orgy (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/5832956/Masked-ball-descends-into-orgy.html)

[OmegaDragon]

http://business.timesonline.co.uk/tol/business/industry_sectors/transport/article6719191.ece

Long article, so I spoiler tagged:

A TEENAGE boy from Yorkshire succeeded in persuading British aviation executives that he was a tycoon about to launch his own airline. Using the pseudonym Adam Tait, the smooth-talking 17-year-old told airport and airline executives that he had a fleet of jets.
Tait, who said he was in his twenties, even flew to Jersey to attend a 1½-hour long meeting with the director of its airport. Their talks were considered promising enough for a further meeting to be arranged, which was due to be held next week.
Other air industry bosses found themselves dealing by telephone or e-mail with Tait’s fellow executives, David Rich and Anita Dash, who proposed to launch a cut-price Channel Islands-based airline servicing most of Europe.
What no one realised was that Tait, Rich and Dash were all the same person: an aircraft buff with the gift of the gab and an overactive imagination.
His exploits are reminiscent of those of Frank Abagnale Jr, who convinced the Pan Am airline that he was a pilot while still a teenager.
The Yorkshire teenager’s six-month-long ruse, which included placing articles in industry magazines, foundered only after one publication, Airliner World, became suspicious. It started to unravel the complex network that Tait had set up of fake websites, “virtual offices” complete with a real telephone receptionist and bogus names.
Last Monday he was questioned by Essex police while trying to gain access to a 93- seater jet at Southend airport, having convinced the plane’s marketing agent that his “company” wanted to lease it.
The police, who had intervened after being tipped off by Airliner World, discovered the boy’s true identity. Although no further action was taken, his fantasy was finally grounded.
The Sunday Times has agreed not to use Tait’s real name at the request of his father, who did not know of his son’s exploits until he was contacted last week.
He said that his son suffered from a form of autism and was “a phenomenal individual who is enterprising and creative” with an ability to recall the exact detail of every airline’s flight schedules. But the autism also made his behaviour highly challenging.
“He has been passionate about aeroplanes for about two years and his whole bedroom is plastered with them,” he said.
“Before that he came within two days of bringing the US cast of High School Musical to a 300-seat theatre in Shropshire by cutting and pasting mastheads from one company to another, masquerading as this or that.
“It would have happened, except when booking the hotel some queries were thrown up. I don’t know why he did it. He is not nasty or vindictive or malicious.”
The case has parallels with that of Gary McKinnon, 43, the Asperger’s syndrome sufferer who is facing extradition to the United States, accused of hacking into the Pentagon’s computers to look for evidence of UFOs (unidentified flying objects).
Tait began his elaborate hoax by buying up websites in the name of American Global Group and Island Airways. He then approached various established airlines to ask whether they wanted to give him a franchise agreement.
He claimed that the American parent company had a readily available fleet of 12 jets of varying size. His e-mails, like his telephone patter, were impressively well informed and persuasive. Each ended with the sign-off “American Global Group, 35 Countries, 22 Languages, One Team”, followed by a list of all the states in which it supposedly had offices.
Malcolm Coupar, the commercial manager of Aurigny, the airline owned by the Guernsey government, said he and Malcolm Hart, his managing director, had conducted discussions over a period of months with Tait, who was using the name David Rich.
“Some of the things he said were the sort of things that were indicative that there might have been some substance to his claims,” said Coupar. “If they were real then there would have been opportunities for us to expand our business and that’s not the sort of thing we are going to ignore.”
Tait also made approaches, with varying levels of success, to other airlines, including Titan Airways and Aer Arann.
When he made contact with Jersey airport, his patter was convincing enough to effect a 90-minute face-to-face meeting with Julian Green, the airport’s director, who said last night: “Jersey airport can confirm it has had discussions with Adam Tait over recent weeks about an ambitious network of services between Jersey, the UK and Europe.
“As further information has come to light in recent days we can now confirm negotiations on the proposal have ceased.”
Tait gained some initial credibility with an article about his supposed airline which appeared in Airliner World.
Richard Maslen, the deputy editor, said: “We spoke to a few contacts in the industry and they had also heard whispers about this proposed start-up and as a result we ran a small news piece in the magazine.”
When Tait suggested further coverage, Maslen smelt a rat. His reporter recorded Tait talking, then played the tape to Coupar, who confirmed it was the same voice as “David Rich”.
The magazine suggested Tait do some photographs and he suggested Southend airport, where he said one of his company’s jets, a 93-seater BAe 146-200, was hangared.
Tait then contacted Airstream, the agent which markets the plane, and said his company wanted to lease it. Airstream took him at face value, even offering to pick him up and chauffeur him to the airport to inspect the plane.
The teenager’s plans were about to crash, however. Concerned about his stated intention to start up the plane’s engines, Airliner World tipped off police. Officers, who intercepted the teenager and a number of colleagues who he had brought with him, warned Airstream that Tait was using multiple names and it should have nothing further to do with him.
When confronted by The Sunday Times at his family’s home in York, Tait initially denied any wrongdoing. He later admitted that he had “done some things in a bad way”, but said he had broken no laws and insisted he still harboured ambitions to make his “aviation business” take off.
His father argued that sufferers from autism have great potential. He said of his son: “People like him are not criminals, they are just misguided — they don’t understand what they are doing. Can someone grab hold of these people and harness their energy and use them for something that could be good?
“If someone with little or no education who has extreme enterprise and talent could have his energy channelled in the right direction, what could they achieve for themselves and our country?”


That is one smart kid

[rossmum]

That kid owns, quite frankly

[Bodzilla]

what a fucking legend.

he's got some of the most powerful people in the world by the nose and was was leading them where ever he wanted.

Brilliant.

[klange]

I'd bet in three years he'll have started an actual aviation firm through his tactics.

[Hotrod]

Shit, I wish I were that kid. I'm still trying to figure out how he managed to do all that.

[Con]

He should seriously work his way up to a top position in an airline company... I'd hire him.

[OmegaDragon]

The following story contains a furry that planned to get his penis bitten off if his parents were killed by another furry.

http://www.lep.co.uk/news/Son-39in-plot-to-kill.5477291.jp


A man plotted to kill his adoptive parents with the help of a friend he met on the internet, a court has heard.
Christopher Monks, 24, wanted Shaun Skarnes to murder his parents Christopher and Elizabeth Monks while they slept and then perform an extreme sex act on him, Preston Crown Court was told.

The bisexual pair are alleged to have hatched the plot after meeting on an internet site about "Furries" – people who pretend to be animal characters and share sexual role-playing fantasies.

Skarnes, 19, visited Monks' family home in Preston Road, Clayton-le-Woods, near Chorley, in February after weeks of chatting to him online.

The two played computer games before Skarnes left, telling Mr and Mrs Monks he was getting the train home to Ellesmere Port, Cheshire, and thanking them for having him round.

Monks then watched a DVD with his parents while Skarnes waited for hours in a playpark nearby until he received a text from his friend, telling him the couple were asleep in the four-bedroom house they shared with their son.

Mr Monks woke in the early hours of the morning to find Skarnes beside his bed, clutching a kitchen knife.

He grappled with the intruder and yelled for help from his wife, who was sleeping downstairs.

Dad-of-three Mr Monks told the court: "I thought he was trying to kill me. My wife tried to hit him with a stick but it broke.

"She then began to talk to him in a calming way. At that point, his manner changed completely."

The couple went downstairs to find a police officer on the doorstep, who had responded to Mrs Monks' 999 call.

Mr Monks was left with bruised arms, a cut palm and bite marks.

Monks, who was downstairs during the attack, was initially treated as a witness but then later arrested.

Prosecutor Dennis Watson QC told the court that while Skarnes carried out the attack, ex-Runshaw College student Monks stayed downstairs, deleting "incriminating" text messages.

Mr Watson said Monks had talked about his sexual desire for his penis to be bitten off in online chatroom discussions.

He told the jury: "It may seem extreme that he wanted his penis bitten off, but there is ample evidence from websites he visited and conversations with Shaun Skarnes that this was a deeply held interest and one he found sexually stimulating.

"It seems that Skarnes was to receive no money for killing Mr and Mrs Monks but the prospect of biting off Monks' penis. This was the climactic act of the conspiracy."

Elizabeth Monks told the court that her adopted son was a quiet boy who never lost his temper and did well at his temping job at an educational training centre, where she also works.

Her husband added: "We have no doubt that (Christopher) did not intend to go to this extreme.There is no-one in our closest circle of friends who is not shocked at what has happened."

Skarnes, of Sutton Way, Ellesmere Port, and Monks both deny conspiracy to murder Mr and Mrs Monks.
(Proceeding)

[klange]

durp durp durp

e: oh hai, new page

That kid young adult is fucked up.

ee: This brings new meaning to the phrase bite me.

[p0lar_bear]

Furries ruin everything, even their own murder-orgy plans. :realsmug:

[Bodzilla]

what the fuck.

how can you get your dick up to not having a dick

:WTC:

[Con]

How do you get that fucked up?

[ExAm]

what the fuck.

how can you get your dick up to not having a dick

:WTC:
Trannies do it all the time :downs:


Israeli cell phone ad shows friendly game of ball over the israeli/palestinian wall. Palestinians try it out IRL, get tear gas grenades back. (http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/1102059.html)


Soccer game or tear gas? Palestinians put controversial ad to test http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/images/0.gif By Oded Yaron, Haaretz Correspondent http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/images/0.gif Tags: Cellcom (http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/pages/tags/index.jhtml?tag=Cellcom), Israel News (http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/pages/tags/index.jhtml?tag=Israel+News) http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/images/tags/tag_arrow1.gif
http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/images/twitter1.gif (http://www.twitter.com/haaretzonline)


The row over a controversial advert for an Israeli mobile phone operator, which shows Israel Defense Forces soldiers playing soccer with Palestinians on both sides of the security barrier, continues.

In the Cellcom advert (http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/1099857.html), IDF soldiers on patrol along the fence stop their jeep when it is hit by a soccer ball from the Palestinian side of the fence. The ball soon bounces back to the Israeli side, at which point the soldiers decide to hold an impromptu game with the Palestinians, cheered on by female soldiers.

The advert has been extensively criticized for making light of the Palestinian suffering inflicted by the West Bank barrier.

A video recently posted on YouTube has tried to reenact the game in reality, and found that the result could not be further removed from the situation on the ground: when the Palestinians kick the ball to the other side of the fence, what they get in return is a salvo of tear gas grenades.

Et8VGyCDt10

Outraged Internet users have also vented their dismay on Twitter, blogs and other social networks. A Facebook group called "The new Cellcom advert makes me sick too" said on their home page: "You can go on forever about messages and media framings oozing with racism, but if you're here you think it's unnecessary. The unknown copywriter at McCann Erickson [the advertising firm behind the ad] displayed an unbelievably distasteful attitude, which does not deserve additional discussion. One thing the members of this group have in common is the shame we feel when an established Israeli company stands by such a repugnant advert, which brings us to call: remove it now!"

[Alwin Roth]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/picturegalleries/howaboutthat/5878190/Roller-skates-on-a-roller-coaster-Dirk-Auer-rides-the-Mammoth-wooden-roller-coaster-on-in-line-skates.html

roller blading on roller coaster.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/01447/cornering_1447137i.jpg

[teh lag]

(audio is in link)

http://gizmodo.com/5322387/police-sodomize-man-with-taser


OK, this police taser business has gone way too fraking far. Now, Boise officers put a taser inside a suspect's anus—who was already handcuffed—and fired it. Here's a tape. (Warning: Strong audio violence).

Cop: Do you feel this?

Suspect: Yes, sir.

Cop: Do you feel that? That's my …

Suspect: Okay

Cop: … Taser up your ass.

Suspect: Okay

Cop: So don't move.

Suspect: I'm trying not to. I can't breathe.

Cop: Now do you feel this in your balls?

Suspect: I do, sir. I'm not going to move. I'm not gonna move.

Cop: Now I'm gonna tase your balls if you move again.

(A full minute goes by)

Cop: Okay, I'm gonna take this Taser out of your asshole now. Are you going to fight with me?

Suspect: No, not at all, sir.

Cop: (to another cop) So far, for the last two minutes, he's been cooperative. But then my Taser's in his ass.

Then they placed the taser on his genitals and threatened to do the same. The suspect still had burns inside his right buttock 13 days after the brutal attack. [Idaho Statesmen via Carlos Miller—Thanks Gitemsteve]

:hay:

[Con]

bring out the gimp

[Bodzilla]

i'm fucking enraged.

2 days after my rant about tasers a cop killed a guy in QLD by shocking him something like 38 fucking times.

COOL WEAPON BRO.

[n00b1n8R]

Yeah, why didn't they listen to zilla's rant <:mad:>

[rossmum]

bring out the gimp
heh first thing that came to my mind too


i'm fucking enraged.

2 days after my rant about tasers a cop killed a guy in QLD by shocking him something like 38 fucking times.

COOL WEAPON BRO.
yeah why don't we just let them shoot people dead instead

they need to weed out the kinds of idiots who do this shit, don't blame the weapon and don't generalise cops

[Bodzilla]

i'd take getting shot over a fucking taser to my balls and asshole.

At least with guns the fuckers THINK that the consequences of what they're doing could or will kill the person they're shooting.

AND THATS THE FUCKING DIFFERENCE.

[rossmum]

Perhaps if they got proper training they'd treat tasers with the same respect they treat their guns?

[Bodzilla]

not going to happen ross because there are alot of sadistic fucking cunts that will abuse this 'harmless' weapon regardless of the training they receive or the education they get.

It's a serious fucking problem that they can torture these people without barely leaving a mark.
and thats exactly what it is, fucking torture, and you cant teach people not to do that, because if they're willing to do it in the first place it's fucking evident they dont deserve the badge in the first fucking place.

But what do we do, we let them off, people jump to there defence, the cunts lie to save each others ass and at the end of the day where left with the same cockheads.
Justify those that die by wearing the badge they're the choosen whites.

they're was a report out ross in the paper not long ago and 75% of all 2nd use of tasers on a suspect, the suspect was in hand cuffs and already subdued.
something like 60% of all use of them where Abuse of power.

and no i'm not pulling these figures out of my ass. this was an independent report, (the numbers may be off a bit because i'm working from memory but it was far to high to be acceptable and these figures i'm posting ARE NOT EXAGERATIONS)

[Bodzilla]

In a report on Tasers tabled in the NSW Parliament in November, the Ombudsman expressed concern about the use of stun gun mode. When Tasers were rolled out to senior officers in 80 commands across NSW, four out of the first five uses were in stun mode.

''This rings alarm bells for me, as we are already seeing a completely different type of use by general-duties officers,'' the Ombudsman said.

Mr Rowlings said stun gun mode tended to be used for compliance because it could only be used close to somebody, ''and normally in those situations the person is restrained in some way''.


oh wait so i was wrong, it's actually 80%



Bruce Barbour told state parliament yesterday that general-duties police, who were issued the stun guns last month, were using Tasers at a higher rate than special operations police, who began using them in 2002.

"It is clear the number of incidents where Tasers will be used in the future will increase significantly," Mr Barbour said.

"There is already evidence of this. Tasers have been used on people on five occasions in the first two weeks of general-duties use. This compares with only 48 incidents over a five-year period" by special unit officers.

Oh wait so giving mark free weapons to a bunch of power tripping egotistical fucks WAS A BAD IDEA?

FUCK SOMEBODY ALERT THE PRESS's
And NO special ops is NOT THE SAME as street police they work in ways under much more intense training as well as regulation.

http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,,24678451-5006784,00.html
http://www.canberratimes.com.au/news/local/news/general/tasers-will-kill-australians/1391870.aspx?storypage=0
http://www.theage.com.au/national/we-will-look-at-tasers-20090302-8mge.html?page=-1

"zero tolerance is not something we want in our community" talking with regards to tasers and crime.

I think it's a bit fuckign hypocritical when you take a look at things such as speeding and p Plate laws (as well as alcohol laws) that this person can stand up and say that with a straight face.
But hey when it earns them money i guess we just gotta sit down and take it with a smile.

Here have some more power, some more rights, some more freedoms while ours are slowly wittled away because afterall we know that whats in my best interest is yours.... dont we??



http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/news/queensland/cmc-critical-of-officer-over-taser-incident/2009/03/04/1235842479883.html


A police officer who fired a Taser stun gun at a 16-year-old girl used excessive force, the Queensland's Crime and Misconduct Commission (CMC) has found. The CMC delivered a scathing assessment of how police handled a situation on the South Bank in April last year when the teenager defied a move-on order.

The girl had been waiting for an ambulance to treat her unconscious friend and when she refused to move on, police held her down and used the Taser on her. The CMC found the officer had shown poor discretion in requiring the girl and her companions to move on when they were waiting for an ambulance to treat their friend.

The officer failed to advise the teenagers of the consequences of disobeying a move-on direction, it said.

The officer also used the Taser contrary to Queensland Police Service (QPS) policy because the girl could have been restrained less forcefully and because the police officer admitted he knew she could be a juvenile.

It is police policy not to use Tasers against those under 18. Despite the CMC finding that the police officer had used excessive force, it recommended he only receive "managerial guidance".


Cool puppet review system bro.
even though he knew she was under 18 and they knew it was illegal to taser her for waiting for her unconscious friend to be taken to hospital when the abulance was to arive.
but we can explain this.
The magical taser theory.
sometimes these tasers just have a mind of they're own adn if you play the tape backwards you can see the cops wrestle with the demon spawned possesed taser before freeing her from it and protecting her and her unconscious friend.


dasbpCBU0hI
managerial guidance inforce~



http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,25479526-29277,00.html
A MELBOURNE teenager will face court after threatening police with a machete.

Officers spotted the 16-year-old, with a large machete stuffed down his trousers, riding a bicycle through the inner Melbourne suburb of Collingwood around 3.45am (AEST) today.

When the officers approached him, he pulled out the machete and held it above his head, police said.

The teenager rode off and again threatened officers with the machete as they chased him through nearby streets.

Police from Fitzroy and Richmond stations assisted Collingwood police in a stand-off with the teenager, using capsicum spray to arrest him.

Police discovered he was also carrying two knives.

He was charged with weapons offences and assaulting police, and was bailed to appear before a Children's Court on July 16.

THEY DIDNT NEED TO USE A TASER??
YOU MEAN THEY USED TO DO IT LIKE THIS BEFORE TASERS EXISTED
WHAT THE FUCK HOW DID THIS HAPPEN I DONT EVEN



Re: Taser Watch Australia - Countdown to Deaths by Less Lethal Weapons
« Reply #61 on: June 12, 2009, 04:54:33 PM »


The more we have these unwarranted shooting stories, the louder the call will be from the "public arena" to have police armed with Tasers in Victoria.


Elijah Holcombe police shooting witness bombshell

By Adam Walters
The Daily Telegraph
June 13, 2009 12:00am


Conflicting claims ... Elijah Holcombe killed in Cinders Lane, Armidale, this month

* Elijah Holcombe "acting casual, not armed"
* Contradicts police claims on shooting
* Family devastated, police no comment

WITNESSES to the fatal police shooting of a young man have contradicted claims the officer had no choice but to shoot him.

Two women have independently sworn they did not see Elijah Holcombe armed with a knife and said he was at least 15m away from officers when he was shot in the chest. In statements obtained by The Daily Telegraph, the women claim Mr Holcombe, who suffered from mental illness, was "calm" when ordered to stop by police in Cinders Lane, Armidale, this month.

"The second person (a plain clothes police officer) was moving fast but never caught up with the first person (Elijah)," one witness said.

"I estimate the distance between them to be four or five car widths."

The second witness said Mr Holcombe's "demeanor seemed casual" and he was "in no hurry just strolling along". She said he had complied with an undercover officer's orders to stop and was calm, contrary to police claims that he ignored warnings to drop his knife.
Related Coverage

* Better to be Tasered than shot NEWS.com.au, 10 Jun 2009
* Readers' Comments: 'They did not have to kill my husband' - Perth NowNEWS.com.au,
* We forgive our son's killer Daily Telegraph, 5 Jun 2009
* 'They did not have to kill my husband' NEWS.com.au, 4 Jun 2009
* 'Cops should be ashamed' over slain man NEWS.com.au, 4 Jun 2009

"The young man turned around casually and I would say he had a look of bewilderment on his face - but he was fairly calm and casual," the woman said.

"He just turned around and stood still. I can't remember anything about his hands - I was looking at his face. He didn't say anything."

On the day of the shooting Assistant Commissioner Geoff McKechnie said the officer had no choice but to shoot Mr Holcombe because he had made threats with a knife and refused to put down the weapon.

One witness said there was no attempt by the undercover officer to negotiate with Mr Holcombe.

"The gun discharged immediately after the third warning. I remember also that the third warning was immediately after the second warning," she said.

"The young man came off the footpath into the gutter. He fell into the gutter. His head moved around a bit. His body moved slightly. I did not see the young man with a weapon."

The sworn statements were made independently by two women who had parked their cars near the scene of the shooting behind the Armidale shopping centre.

Mr Holcombe's widow Allison Garvey had told The Daily Telegraph she is "completely devastated"

"The police were presented with many choices and in every instance they (made) the most careless choice they could make," she said.

A NSW Police spokesman last night refused to comment.

"An independent Critical Incident Investigation team is preparing a report," the spokesman said.

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,25629345-421,00.html


so the homicidal schizophrenic guy they shot with a knife, was actually calm, reasonable and obeying orders by the cop... and he didnt even have a knife?
oh those silly witness's clearly they're only saying these horrible things to make the cop look bad so they can get in the paper!
thats all it is surely.


Data downloaded from the officer's stun gun -- now being rolled out to police across Australia -- has revealed that amphetamines addict Antonio Galeano was shot at least 20 times, each for a duration of five seconds, before he collapsed and died while in handcuffs.

Capsicum spray had also been used on Mr Galeano during the incident, early Friday morning at a unit in Brandon, south of Townsville.

Police initially told the media that an unnamed senior constable had only used the weapon three times on Mr Galeano, 39, who earlier had allegedly assaulted a woman and was wielding a metal pipe when confronted by the officer and his partner, a first-year constable.

But The Australian can exclusively reveal that an inbuilt system in the controversial weapon -- which automatically records each time the weapon is fired -- indicated Mr Galeano was shot more than 20 times.

http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,25652981-2702,00.html

the counter must be on the fritz obviously, the cop already stated he only used it 3 times on a guy who had been put in handcuffs.





http://forum.prisonplanet.com/index.php?topic=30862.40

[English Mobster]

Bodie, calm down. This isn't the thread for that; you should know, you're one of the section mods.
Find random funny articles, stick to them.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8118257.stm

Australian wallabies are eating opium poppies and creating crop circles as they hop around "as high as a kite", a government official has said.
Lara Giddings, the attorney general for the island state of Tasmania, said the kangaroo-like marsupials were getting into poppy fields grown for medicine.
She was reporting to a parliamentary hearing on security for poppy crops.
Australia supplies about 50% of the world's legally-grown opium used to make morphine and other painkillers.
"The one interesting bit that I found recently in one of my briefs on the poppy industry was that we have a problem with wallabies entering poppy fields, getting as high as a kite and going around in circles," Lara Giddings told the hearing.
"Then they crash," she added. "We see crop circles in the poppy industry from wallabies that are high."
Rick Rockliff, a spokesman for poppy producer Tasmanian Alkaloids, said the wallaby incursions were not very common, but other animals had also been spotted in the poppy fields acting unusually.
"There have been many stories about sheep that have eaten some of the poppies after harvesting and they all walk around in circles," he added.
Retired Tasmanian poppy farmer Lyndley Chopping also said he had seen strange behaviour from wallabies in his fields.
"They would just come and eat some poppies and they would go away," he told ABC News.
"They'd come back again and they would do their circle work in the paddock."
Some people believe the mysterious circles that appear in fields in a number of countries are created by aliens. Others put them down to a human hoax.
Here are some of your not so serious responses.
I have seen a stoned wallaby but I don't know about them making crop circles. The one I saw was slurring his words and asking me for a dollar as he was trying to get the boat to see his brother in New Zealand - he looked in no mood to be formulating a series of complex agricultural design patterns. I could be wrong - they might have masterminded the twin tower attacks, who really knows?
Dijon, Hobart, Tasmania


This has to be the funniest headline of the year so far. Trippy Skippy.
Arcadian, Oxford


My cat Monkey, a Tonkinese cat, started to walk in circles mysteriously about two months ago. My suspicion is the radar from the two police cars parked in front of my apartment building has an effect or sonar like sound that humans cannot hear may have an effect. I was struck by this news article and had to respond.
Barbara Ann Levy, West Palm Beach, Florida


I resent this report that we are high as a kite and making crop circles! I haven't been stoned since 1971. A few young hoppers eat the wrong plant and you trash our species in the news. What's this world coming to!
Wally Baby, Australia Bush


I saw a whole bunch of them dingos going mad in my corn field only last night. I'm not sure if they were high or not but I'm pretty sure they were. One of them had a ghettoblaster and they were listening to some kind of fast electronic music. Lock 'em up and throw away the key, that's what I say!
Roger, Melbourne


I was travelling in Tasmania in the summer of last year and witnessed what I believed as dancing wallabies. I was intoxicated at the time and so put it down to the poppies I had consumed earlier that day. However after reading this article that experience made a lot of sense.
Alan Rees , Tring


Bumped into a couple o' stoned wallabies coming out the co-op up Lochgelly high street the other night. This seems to be a problem on both sides of the globe.
John Smith, Lochgelly, Fife, Scotland


I've lived in Tasmania for many years. Not only do wallabies congregate in poppy fields, but also on the local golf courses. They do this mainly at night and I can only assume they're playing several rounds of golf while avoiding greens fees. You only need to be really worried when one of the stoned wallabies gets into a golf buggy.
John Larson, Launceston, Tasmania, Australia


I want to know who sold out the wallabies? Who's the narc? My guess is the platypus, he is such an odd duck.
Chet Guest, St. Paul, Minnesota USA


Don't know about crop circles but I saw one today trying to jack a car, presumably trying to get enough together for his next fix.
Greg Corcoran, Durham, UK

The question should be whether or not those law breaking wallabies should be brought to justice for indulging in illegal substances. The law makes no exceptions for no-one no matter what their excuse is or even what species they may be. They are not setting an example for their joeys nor for any other marsupials and I fear this could become an epidemic of outback size proportions.
Phil, Edinburgh

[rossmum]

e/f;b

"Refusing to move on" is a bit different from physically lashing out at a cop. If you attack a cop, you deserve to get tasered for being so stupid. I'm not even going to bother going through every point you've made there but it's pretty evident that the girl was not as blameless as the written report made her out to be.

If you work under constant threat of being shot at, stabbed, or attacked by druggies with used syringes, you're not likely to take any chances. If someone starts getting aggressive, you're not going to think twice about putting them down. Using a taser more than once or twice is definitely inexcusable and the officers involved should be kicked out of the force, but at the same time, I really want to hurt people who make out like each and every cop is the spawn of the devil himself and tasers are an evil instrument put into their hands to make the innocent suffer.

I don't know about you, but the only dealings I've ever had with the police were when I had to call them or when they came to our school for safety lectures. I don't mouth off or get violent, and I don't expect I'll ever get tased by them. If you stay calm and handle things properly, there is little chance of them pulling a taser on you and even if they do there will be absolutely NO justification for it. If some people are too flat-out stupid to realise that, I honestly don't care what happens to them. It's their own fault.

[Bodzilla]

i'm pretty sure that if i was baby sitting an unconscious friend while waiting for an ambulance and i was told to fuck off i'd tell them to fuck off because i'm protecting them.

you know the whole "Mate" thing.
i'd do the same for you.

[ICEE]

Hey guys, requesting that article, I thought it was posted here, about 5 badass soldiers that were too badass to be believable characters in a movie. or something like that. I looked through here, and did searches but i can't find it. Anyone have it?

[ExAm]

Kanye west declares himself the King of Pop (http://www.examiner.com/x-1994-LA-Celebrity-Headlines-Examiner~y2009m7d28-Kanye-West-is-new-selfappointed-King-of-Pop)



Kanye West is new self-appointed King of Pop

In a move typical of the modest and understated Kanye West, he has deigned (http://scrapetv.com/News/News%20Pages/Entertainment/pages-3/After-Jackson-death-Kanye-West-declares-himself-new-King-of-Pop-Scrape-TV-The-World-on-your-side.html) himself the new King Of Pop. The always demure and self-deprecating reluctantly stepped up to the position no one asked him to fill. He humbly states, "There's no one who can match me in sales and in respect (one assumes he means self-respect) so it only makes sense for me to take over Michael's crown and become the new King of Pop." He added, "First there was Elvis, then there was Michael, now in the 21st century it's Kanye's time to rule."
He then presumably ripped the King of Pop scepter from Michael's bony hands and waited for his procession to his grand, tacky castle. The coronation ceremony is yet to be announced.
This is awesome on multiple levels. First, it has Kanye referring to himself in third person, which is always the greatest sign of douchery. Second, it is more a military coupe than democratic decision, which is actually very typical of monarchy. Screw what the people think! King Henry Kanye iV answers to no one! Third, no offense to the massive talent Elvis and Michael possessed, would you really want to inherit that legacy? They didn't do so well, personal-life-wise.
Can't wait for the Shakespearean play praising his rise to power and his heroic decisions in battle. Unless it plays off more like Richard III.


hahahahaha what a fag.



fish.

[ultama121]

Look at how smug Kanye West is!

[p0lar_bear]

oh god who does he think he is i dont even

[PlasbianX]

SAN ANTONIO (AP) — San Antonio police say a woman accused of beheading her 3-week-old infant son used a knife and two swords in the attack and ate some of the child's body parts.

San Antonio Police Chief William McManus told reporters Monday that Otty Sanchez's attack on her son, Scott Wesley Buchholtz-Sanchez, was "too heinous" to fully discuss.

But he says Sanchez ate part of the newborn's brain and bit off three of his toes before stabbing herself twice.

Police say the 33-year-old Sanchez told officers who were called to her house early Sunday that she killed her son at the devil's request.

Sanchez is charged with capital murder and is being held on $1 million bail. She is recovering from her wounds at a hospital.

:gonk: Source (http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2009-07-27-baby-killed_N.htm)

[BobtheGreatII]

Article is not funny. :gonk:

[ICEE]

lets keep it humorous in here..

[Roostervier]

random is also in the title, and that was both random and interesting to read <_<

[LesserOf2Evils]

http://www.spike.com/blog/how-to-make-girls/84496

This is fucking awesome I want a video of it in action.

[ThePlague]

Holy, yes!

[ExAm]

lets keep it humorous in here..I created this thread to be interpreted as "articles funny/random". Does not have to be both.

[English Mobster]

Hey guys, requesting that article, I thought it was posted here, about 5 badass soldiers that were too badass to be believable characters in a movie. or something like that. I looked through here, and did searches but i can't find it. Anyone have it?
www.cracked.com
It would more than likely be there, do a search. It might be one of their most popular articles, actually.

I love Cracked. <3

[Con]

http://www.cracked.com/article_17019_5-real-life-soldiers-who-make-rambo-look-like-pussy.html
?

[teh lag]

It looks ridiculous and sounds ridiculous but really I don't find myself that shocked, if they want to do that then go for it.
There have been just as strange if not stranger weddings, I know I've seen halo-themed weddings on HBO a few times.

[=sw=warlord]

here have been just as strange if not stranger weddings, I know I've seen halo-themed weddings on HBO a few times.
I want to know how the hell your supposed to kiss the bridge with a helmet on....:v:

[rossmum]

what the living fuck

i mean if it makes them happy then sure go ahead but what the living fuck

[ultama121]

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/1306084234.html

[ultama121]

Ok, a little bit of an update on the above craigslist article. It's actually a troll by my friend WSage... and he's received some interesting responses. Although its more fitting for the quotes section, just read this.


Never tell your password to anyone.
Tetris<3EVERYONE: This is incredibly disturbing.
Sweet Bro: hmm
Tetris<3EVERYONE: You remember my craiglist caper?
Sweet Bro: yeah
Tetris<3EVERYONE: people have decided that they would love to clean my room for no money.
Sweet Bro: quotes
Tetris<3EVERYONE: I taken a look youre post on craigslist, I guess Id send you response
bcause I think we will get along. If you want I can get some photos
and mail them but mail me first. You should tell me a tad about you
and what you'd like 2 know bout me?
Sweet Bro: need em
Tetris<3EVERYONE: The question is, what do i do with THIS one
Tetris<3EVERYONE: this actually a guy, i have no idea what he was doing browsing m4w.
Sweet Bro: wat
Tetris<3EVERYONE: i should just send an email back, "Do you have a broom dude? Seriously I'm gonna get evicted"
Sweet Bro: rofl
Tetris<3EVERYONE: OH MY GOD
Tetris<3EVERYONE: hi How are you? I'm trying to get plans for my weekend to go out and
have a good time and your ad stood out.} Reply to me when you can so I
know your for real and we can make arrangements. TTFN
Tetris<3EVERYONE: GOOD TIME!
Sweet Bro: LOL
Tetris<3EVERYONE: cleaning is awesome.
Tetris<3EVERYONE: i good so horny cleaning.
Sweet Bro: wat
Tetris<3EVERYONE: Ola I am just investigating to see if ur fake or not. Hit me back if
you are, and we'll go from there.
Sweet Bro: srs?
Tetris<3EVERYONE: my respnose to that last one, which i am sending right now:
Tetris<3EVERYONE: Seriously I'm gonna get evicted just clean my damn room
Tetris<3EVERYONE: SENT
Tetris<3EVERYONE: apparently, people in downtown manhattan get horny when they clean!
Sweet Bro: LOL
Tetris<3EVERYONE: Seriously I'm gonna get evicted just clean my damn room
Tetris<3EVERYONE: i sent that to her btw
Tetris<3EVERYONE: for realsies
Sweet Bro: OH GOD
Tetris<3EVERYONE: i never realized exactly how powerful the internet makes people likeme
Sweet Bro: rofl
Tetris<3EVERYONE: hi How are you? I'm trying to get plans for my weekend to go out and
have a good time and your ad stood out.} Reply to me when you can so I
know your for real and we can make arrangements. TTFN
Tetris<3EVERYONE: ok, i'm thinking of how to reply
Tetris<3EVERYONE: Yeah, cleaning is a nice way to spend a weekend. I only have like 2 weeks to get my shit together so please come soon
Tetris<3EVERYONE: yep, i am sending that
Tetris<3EVERYONE: does it have the joey stamp of approval?
Sweet Bro: hell yes
Tetris<3EVERYONE: all right, then it's sent out
Sweet Bro: :D
Sweet Bro: brb articles thread on modacity

[rossmum]

being fucking trolled by the army of two devs got damn

http://www.armyoftwo.com/us/blog/wdcwinner-announcement-2009-08-06


http://ll-100.ea.com/nawp/na/u/f/GPO/eagames/armyoftwo/tfd/wdc_winner_sniperlauncher.jpg
Description:

This nugget of awesome is a combination sniper rifle/grenade launcher! The extended clipazine holds plenty of specialized rounds, while the hopper on top holds small grenades that can blow anything up! The 2 scopes improve accuracy. This weapon, invented by Mack of Future Weapons, combines the firepower of a grenade launcher with the accuracy of a sniper rifle. However, it is bolt-action, which means it is slow to reload.

Of the Sniper Launcher, Alex Hutchinson mentions, "This one was great for gameplay, and was something we thought people would get a kick out of using in the game on a second playthrough. It's a bit unbalanced, so not something we were going to make ourselves for the core game, but I think players will get a kick out of it."

Now that the winners have been selected, Alex mentions that the team is quickly getting to work on getting them into the game, "We've already begun modeling them, then we'll start testing them to see how they feel, and try to make sure that they're satisfying and cool."

The entire team from EA Montreal would like to thank all the fans who participated in the Weapon Design Contest whether by submitting an entry, or voting on your favorite weapon. We hope you enjoy the playing with the winning selections when Army of Two: The 40th Day releases in stores!

[rossmum]

ps this site is literally one huge funny article (http://www.theanimereality.com/)

[Timo]

Man: Naughty Kitty Downloaded Kiddie Porn (http://www.nbcmiami.com/news/local-beat/Man-Naughty-Kitty-Downloaded-Kiddie-Porn-52640667.html)

You've heard the one about the dog eating the homework, now hear about the cat who downloaded the kiddie porn.

Keith Griffin was charged Wednesday with 10 counts of possession of child porn after over 1,000 illegal images were found on his computer, and he claims it's all the work of his kitty.

The 48-year-old Jensen Beach, Fla., man told cops he would leave his computer on and the cat would jump on the keyboard and just like that, the images would appear.

Cops weren't buying Griffin's tale, and busted him in his home. He's being held in Martin County Jail on $250,000 bail, according to tcpalm.com.

Could it all be a sinister plot from a vindictive feline? Maybe. After all, cats have been known to play a smooth tune on a keyboard before. But for now, cops have ruled the kitty out as a suspect and he is resting comfortably with one of Griffin's relatives.

[Cojafoji]

http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-a...rious-basterd/ (http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-08-09/my-father-the-inglourious-basterd/)

a good read. worth the time.