English Mobster
April 5th, 2009, 02:27 AM
NOTE: FOR THE PURPOSE OF THIS PIECE OF LITERATURE, EVERYONE IN THESE FORUMS KNOWS EACH OTHER IN REAL LIFE AND KNOWS WHERE ONE ANOTHER LIVE, HOWEVER CREEPY THAT MIGHT BE. ALSO, UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED, ALL THE ADMINS LIVE WITHIN WALKING DISTANCE OF ONE ANOTHER.
THE MODACITY EVENT
CHAPTER ONE
It was a cold night in upstate New York.
TheGhost, admin and manager of a small, Halo-themed website called Modacity relaxed in front of his computer. While he was the manager of the site, he was also lazy as fuck and liked to sit there and fap instead of doing productive things. His apartment was cluttered with useless Halo junk and Mountain Dew cans. The entire place was a mess. A Playboy magazine lay on the floor nearby. He considered picking it up and reading the articles, but then decided to call up his buddy (and fellow admin) Jcap for a night on the town. He picked up his phone and began to dial Jcap’s number.
After a few rings, Jcap’s voice came over the line.
“Hey.”
Ghost, surprised that Jcap actually picked up his phone for once, was a little slow to respond.
“Oh, hey Jcap! Wanna get a few drinks at the bar downtown?”
“Sure, sounds great!”
“Great, what time are you going to be over here?”
“Yeah, totally!”
“Uhh… What time?”
“Hah! Just joshing you! I’m not here right now, and you just started to talk to my answering machine! Please leave a message after the beep.”
There was a slight pause and then a beep.
Ghost sighed and hung up his phone. Jcap was an asshole, and that just confirmed it.
He began to look out his apartment window when there was a banging at the door.
“Hello?” He asked.
The door banged again.
Ghost walked over and answered the door. Three burly men, dressed in all black, pounced on the frail webmaster. After a short scuffle, Ghost’s vision went black.
Ghost awoke on the bed of a couch in a fairly large house. He looked around; it was daylight outside, and it sure didn’t feel like he was in New York anymore.
“Hey, look who’s finally up!”
Ghost turned to face one of his moderators, Conscars.
“Con, where the FUCK am I?”
“Search me. Jcap’s here, too. And Lag. And Polar. And a whole shitload of people from Modacity.”
“Is EVERYONE from Modacity?”
“Past and present. Some members were banned, others simply gave up on the site altogether, but they’ve all had pretty active accounts in their prime.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. BANNED people are here? Who?”
“Umm… Neuro, Jay, Masterz… And that’s all, I think.”
“Holy fuck. And where are we? Why are we here?”
“I don’t know.”
An all-too familiar face came around the corner. He looked a bit like Rick Astley, enough for it to bug you every time you looked at him, but not quite enough for him to win a Rick Astley lookalike contest. He wore stereotypical Australian garb, consisting of a boomerang and a wide-brimmed hat.
“Oh, no. Noobinator, not you…” Ghost lamented.
“Oh, hey Ghost. Teekie’s making pancakes in the kitchen if you want any. We found a bunch of ingredients in the cupboard, and he volunteered to make some. But be quick, because I heard we were all supposed to gather around the TV at 11.”
“What time is it now?”
“Umm…” Noob glanced at his watch. “4:30 AM. Shit, no, that‘s Australian time. There’s a clock on the wall, look at that.”
10:30 AM. Ghost considered getting some pancakes from Teekup, but thought against it. Finding out why he was here was much more important.
The next half-hour flew by fast, and Ghost saw a host of Modacity personalities. Not all the members of the forum were here, but there were quite a few that Ghost saw: Heathen, Masterz1337, Freelancer, Wave of Lag, Exam, Bodzilla, Rob Oplawar, CtrlAltDestroy, Mr. Buckshot, Llama Juice, Dano, Snafubar, Jay2645, NeuroKoNeza, Teekup… And, at 11:00 sharp, they gathered on the couch in front of a 150” big-screen TV.
Immediately, the screen lit up and a blue screen was shown on the TV. The voice of Microsoft Sam began to emanate from the TV.
“Hello. You may be wondering what you are doing here,” the TV spoke, with the words appearing in white type across the screen, “You may have noticed the cameras scattered throughout the house.”
Masterz spoke up. “Umm… NO. Not until right now. Now why are we here?”
“If you had not so rudely interrupted me, you would know by now. Now, don’t do it again. Anyway, you may have noticed that there are cameras scattered throughout the house. Do not remove or change any of these cameras or face the consequences. You are on national TV, and have been chosen to take part in a reality show for our audience’s entertainment.”
Now it was TheGhost who interrupted. “Why did you only choose members of Modacity?”
“Yes. On April 29th, 2008, at 6:38 AM, Bodzilla made a thread listing candidates for a Modacity version of the Big Brother house. The Google bots who visit your site logged any promising candidates nominated by your users who posted there and the list was submitted to us. We have just now managed to locate and find all of you, through several attempts. Whenever one of you stopped posting on the forums for a while, that meant that we had begun our abduction plan, but ran into governmental or financial problems, wiped your memories, and returned you. But no more. You are now here to stay.”
At this, Mr. Buckshot spoke up. “And how did you find us and kidnap us? That is unlawful, is it not?”
“Do not speak of that or face the consequences. We cannot let our viewers know of your abduction. All of you were legally taken, don’t worry.”
Dano spoke up. “Legally taken? Does this mean Obama’s behind this? And that he had passed a law granting your studio the permission to take us out of our fucking beds and put us in this hellhole of a house?”
“Obama does not know of this.”
“Then who the fuck authorized you to do this?”
“Our studio did.”
“So a multinational corporation which is slowly conquering the world and creating a new world order under our very noses allowed you to do this?”
“Dane, calm down.” Heathen interjected.
“No, I will NOT calm down, not until I know WHY THE FUCK Obama allowed this SHIT to happen! I TOLD YOU about this! I TOLD YOU ALL!”
“Dane, do us all a favor and SHUT THE FUCK UP. Thanks.” Snafubar said.
“Snaf, YOU shut the fuck up. YOU didn’t believe me.”
“Guys, calm down or I’ll infract all of you.” Conscars threatened.
“You can’t infract us, this isn’t the internet!” Masterz said.
“What? No internet? NO /B/?” Jay cried.
“Shut the fuck up, cross-dresser.”
“How’s your sister?”
Finally, amidst all the chaos, Polar spoke. “Did anyone else notice the TV turned off?”
Everyone turned and stared at the blank screen.
“Shit.” CtrlAltDestroy said, and summed it up for almost everyone.
THE MODACITY EVENT
CHAPTER ONE
It was a cold night in upstate New York.
TheGhost, admin and manager of a small, Halo-themed website called Modacity relaxed in front of his computer. While he was the manager of the site, he was also lazy as fuck and liked to sit there and fap instead of doing productive things. His apartment was cluttered with useless Halo junk and Mountain Dew cans. The entire place was a mess. A Playboy magazine lay on the floor nearby. He considered picking it up and reading the articles, but then decided to call up his buddy (and fellow admin) Jcap for a night on the town. He picked up his phone and began to dial Jcap’s number.
After a few rings, Jcap’s voice came over the line.
“Hey.”
Ghost, surprised that Jcap actually picked up his phone for once, was a little slow to respond.
“Oh, hey Jcap! Wanna get a few drinks at the bar downtown?”
“Sure, sounds great!”
“Great, what time are you going to be over here?”
“Yeah, totally!”
“Uhh… What time?”
“Hah! Just joshing you! I’m not here right now, and you just started to talk to my answering machine! Please leave a message after the beep.”
There was a slight pause and then a beep.
Ghost sighed and hung up his phone. Jcap was an asshole, and that just confirmed it.
He began to look out his apartment window when there was a banging at the door.
“Hello?” He asked.
The door banged again.
Ghost walked over and answered the door. Three burly men, dressed in all black, pounced on the frail webmaster. After a short scuffle, Ghost’s vision went black.
Ghost awoke on the bed of a couch in a fairly large house. He looked around; it was daylight outside, and it sure didn’t feel like he was in New York anymore.
“Hey, look who’s finally up!”
Ghost turned to face one of his moderators, Conscars.
“Con, where the FUCK am I?”
“Search me. Jcap’s here, too. And Lag. And Polar. And a whole shitload of people from Modacity.”
“Is EVERYONE from Modacity?”
“Past and present. Some members were banned, others simply gave up on the site altogether, but they’ve all had pretty active accounts in their prime.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. BANNED people are here? Who?”
“Umm… Neuro, Jay, Masterz… And that’s all, I think.”
“Holy fuck. And where are we? Why are we here?”
“I don’t know.”
An all-too familiar face came around the corner. He looked a bit like Rick Astley, enough for it to bug you every time you looked at him, but not quite enough for him to win a Rick Astley lookalike contest. He wore stereotypical Australian garb, consisting of a boomerang and a wide-brimmed hat.
“Oh, no. Noobinator, not you…” Ghost lamented.
“Oh, hey Ghost. Teekie’s making pancakes in the kitchen if you want any. We found a bunch of ingredients in the cupboard, and he volunteered to make some. But be quick, because I heard we were all supposed to gather around the TV at 11.”
“What time is it now?”
“Umm…” Noob glanced at his watch. “4:30 AM. Shit, no, that‘s Australian time. There’s a clock on the wall, look at that.”
10:30 AM. Ghost considered getting some pancakes from Teekup, but thought against it. Finding out why he was here was much more important.
The next half-hour flew by fast, and Ghost saw a host of Modacity personalities. Not all the members of the forum were here, but there were quite a few that Ghost saw: Heathen, Masterz1337, Freelancer, Wave of Lag, Exam, Bodzilla, Rob Oplawar, CtrlAltDestroy, Mr. Buckshot, Llama Juice, Dano, Snafubar, Jay2645, NeuroKoNeza, Teekup… And, at 11:00 sharp, they gathered on the couch in front of a 150” big-screen TV.
Immediately, the screen lit up and a blue screen was shown on the TV. The voice of Microsoft Sam began to emanate from the TV.
“Hello. You may be wondering what you are doing here,” the TV spoke, with the words appearing in white type across the screen, “You may have noticed the cameras scattered throughout the house.”
Masterz spoke up. “Umm… NO. Not until right now. Now why are we here?”
“If you had not so rudely interrupted me, you would know by now. Now, don’t do it again. Anyway, you may have noticed that there are cameras scattered throughout the house. Do not remove or change any of these cameras or face the consequences. You are on national TV, and have been chosen to take part in a reality show for our audience’s entertainment.”
Now it was TheGhost who interrupted. “Why did you only choose members of Modacity?”
“Yes. On April 29th, 2008, at 6:38 AM, Bodzilla made a thread listing candidates for a Modacity version of the Big Brother house. The Google bots who visit your site logged any promising candidates nominated by your users who posted there and the list was submitted to us. We have just now managed to locate and find all of you, through several attempts. Whenever one of you stopped posting on the forums for a while, that meant that we had begun our abduction plan, but ran into governmental or financial problems, wiped your memories, and returned you. But no more. You are now here to stay.”
At this, Mr. Buckshot spoke up. “And how did you find us and kidnap us? That is unlawful, is it not?”
“Do not speak of that or face the consequences. We cannot let our viewers know of your abduction. All of you were legally taken, don’t worry.”
Dano spoke up. “Legally taken? Does this mean Obama’s behind this? And that he had passed a law granting your studio the permission to take us out of our fucking beds and put us in this hellhole of a house?”
“Obama does not know of this.”
“Then who the fuck authorized you to do this?”
“Our studio did.”
“So a multinational corporation which is slowly conquering the world and creating a new world order under our very noses allowed you to do this?”
“Dane, calm down.” Heathen interjected.
“No, I will NOT calm down, not until I know WHY THE FUCK Obama allowed this SHIT to happen! I TOLD YOU about this! I TOLD YOU ALL!”
“Dane, do us all a favor and SHUT THE FUCK UP. Thanks.” Snafubar said.
“Snaf, YOU shut the fuck up. YOU didn’t believe me.”
“Guys, calm down or I’ll infract all of you.” Conscars threatened.
“You can’t infract us, this isn’t the internet!” Masterz said.
“What? No internet? NO /B/?” Jay cried.
“Shut the fuck up, cross-dresser.”
“How’s your sister?”
Finally, amidst all the chaos, Polar spoke. “Did anyone else notice the TV turned off?”
Everyone turned and stared at the blank screen.
“Shit.” CtrlAltDestroy said, and summed it up for almost everyone.