Funny ways to kill people.

[Neuro Guro]

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[thehoodedsmack]

Glue hands to head, then hang with piano wire. Old, but I think it's supposed to give the impression that they ripped their own head off.

[Con]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v350/ghjign/D9/0ff868fd.gif

District 9 ftw

[Neuro Guro]

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[thehoodedsmack]

I think you should post the .gif that is from, just for everybody else to see.

Wait... somebody actually did that? Christ...

[Mass]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nanking_Massacre

[flibitijibibo]

Make someone cartwheel onto a landmine.

[Pyong Kawaguchi]

force them to eat firecrackers
force them to eat grenades that burst into flames, they will burn from the inside out!
skin them with an apple peeler and put them into the dead sea.

[Ganon]

http://4gifs.com/gallery/d/87247-4/Talent_show_arrow.gif

[Bodzilla]

woah did that gif actually happen?
O________________________o

[Ganon]

no clue

[thehoodedsmack]

I think it did. There's a youtube video of it, too.

[Rob Oplawar]

I'm pretty sure it's staged.

I'm not feeling extremely creative right now. Perhaps I'll dream of a good funny/ridiculous death tonight. I have such fucked up dreams...

[Sel]

http://library.thinkquest.org/07aug/00841/HOLOCAUST/holocaust%20pics/holocaust_israel_survivors.jpg

WAIT NO THATS NOT FUNNY AT ALL GUYS

SERIOUSLY STOP LAUGHING

[Aerowyn]

Make the person an entire chocolate cake, replacing the REAL chocolate for chocolate laxatives.

Person shits so much they dehydrate and die.

The cake was a lie. :D

[itszutak]

Every day you sneak into their room and slowly let light from a lantern fall on their one dead eye, more light each night until you can sneak in with a fully lit lantern

then chop them up while staring at the eye

then hide the bits under the floorboard (esp. the heart)

can't possibly fail.

Idea 2: Run up to a sword swallower/fire breather and push hard on the sword/fire until they have a sword through them/are on fire.

[Ganon]

hilarious^

[Alwin Roth]

Cement a persons foot to the ground,
then, put dead skunks all around the person, see how long they can last...

[Neuro Guro]

-

[Cojafoji]

hooks in the wrists, hooks in the ankles. invert the person.

fill their ass with molten lead.

[Rob Oplawar]

http://www.amazon.com/Book-Bunny-Suicides-Andy-Riley/dp/0452285186

I'm sure some of these can be adapted to killing people rather than bunnies.

[legionaire45]

Slowly replace the oxygen in a large room full of people with laughing gas.

Or increase the air pressure and then rapidly release. Exploded lungs ftw.

[Rob Oplawar]

*pop pop pop pop!*

[UnevenElefant5]

This thread is disturbing.

[Cortexian]

Block their nose and mouth so they can't breath, hook them up to one of those blood oxygenating machines and watch them spasm because they can't breath yet they won't actually die.

Wait, that's torture not murder.

My bad.

[annihilation]

wrap plastic wrap around thier head and dump water all over their head and give them the sensation of drowning.

Then let them breath then snap their necks.

[Con]

Block their nose and mouth so they can't breath, hook them up to one of those blood oxygenating machines and watch them spasm because they can't breath yet they won't actually die.

Wait, that's torture not murder.

My bad.
They won't spasm because they won't feel the need to breathe, since the machine is doing its job.

Instead, slowly add corn starch to their blood for non-Newtonian fun.

[Rob Oplawar]

^ :lmao:

i know one. Invent a buffalo wing recipe so delicious you can't stop eating the wings no matter how full you are; force them to eat until they burst. It would work on me. :p

Ooh, here's a better one. Force feed them a fuckton of mashed potato mix, then force them to drink a liter or two of warm water.
A friend of my mom's did that once; he ended up in the hospital with a distended stomach. You could definitely kill someone that way.

[Pyong Kawaguchi]

force them to eat a shitload of popcorn, then put them in the microwave, then make their best friend eat the popcorn.

[Mass]

you could just put them in the microwave anyway

that's horrible enough for a person

[Cojafoji]

i'm half tempted to post every video i've seen of people being executed on the net.

why the fuck is this thread here?

a mod should have deleted it.

[Cortexian]

They won't spasm because they won't feel the need to breathe, since the machine is doing its job.

Instead, slowly add corn starch to their blood for non-Newtonian fun.
I'm pretty sure the human subconscious would force you to try and breath, even though your body is getting everything it needs to stay alive.

Wanna test it Con? I'll rent the machine, you plug your orifices.

[Rob Oplawar]

I wanna plug Con's orifices. :pervert:

What about Kenny deaths? For example, feeding someone hundreds of antacids- the kind that fizz when you put them in water- and then giving them a glass of water.

[Phopojijo]

Make them watch the saddest movie ever!

[Alwin Roth]

^
and that would be?

[Rob Oplawar]

Oscar Gold, obviously.
Look it up.

[Ganon]

Lock them in a giant dark room, play the entire enya discography.

[Amit]

Why is this thread allowed? There is no funny way to kill someone.

[SnaFuBAR]

Strap them to a chair, tape their eyes open and make them read off topic at modacity.

Well, cya!

[Jean-Luc]

Why is this thread allowed? There is no funny way to kill someone.
Ironic deaths, creative deaths, clever deaths can all be construed as funny depending on the context, especially when dealt with hypothetically (or in video games).

Oh and as is obligatory; Internet is not serious business, don't worry about it.

[Rob Oplawar]

This is nkn we're talking about here.

[kid908]

tie a person to a tree and slowly over the course of a week com back and cut off limb by limb at a set time throughout the day. hmm...is suffering funny? no? how about...

beat them to death with their own skull (sorry i had too. rvb ref for those who have been living under a rock)

There used to be an execution method used that I found funny. first you tie them to 2 poles with legs up. strip them. then with a large saw, cut them in half starting with their nuts. They should survive until you reach their heart/lungs. Once past the balls, cut them off and stick it in their mouth so you don't have to listen to the fucking annoying screaming.

[Double_Clawshots]

tie someone to a buffalo being chased by a grizzly bear through a minefield while they have a timed bomb strapped to their chest with snipers all around and the bear has a flamethrower.

[p0lar_bear]

Russian roulette, only instead of using one bullet, use one bullet and five blanks.

[Double_Clawshots]

Russian roulette, only instead of using one bullet, use one bullet and five blanks.
fuck that. russian roulette with a box of grenades. some will only blow your hand/arm off, one will blow you and everyone else up.

OH! and another one! two words: Sniper Crowbar

[AAA]

russian roulette with a box of grenades.

Hop-Potato? Is that you??

[Rob Oplawar]

Repeatedly induce cardiac arrest and then resuscitate, until they can't take it anymore. :ohdear:

[Double_Clawshots]

Hop-Potato? Is that you??

No. I'm pretty much brand new. I'm Wakeboy1337's friend IRL. I've had this account for a while and never posted much on here before. With a thread this awesome, I figured it would be a good place to start. :hist101:

[flibitijibibo]

Give Bush a third term and observe the results.

[Jean-Luc]

Give Bush a third term and observe the results.
So basically you're asking for mass suicide.

[Double_Clawshots]

So basically you're asking for mass suicide.

nah, he's just saying its a way to kill one person. whee! JFK again!

[OmegaDragon]

1.Have a battle to the death using one of the following items:
-"Thor", The giant horse dong of death.
-Their severed arm
-No arms
2.Hang upsidedown about 3 feet over a tub filled with hungry rats.
3.Staring contest (may need some restraints and krazy glue, or better yet cut off eyelids)
4.Death by Snu Snu
5.Lock inside 2x2 room. Think like a person playing the sims.

Meh can't think of anything right now.

[English Mobster]

You guys all disgust me.
<3

[Double_Clawshots]

PERFECT!!! Death by magnetism: Make someone eat a shit load of magnets and/or steel bearings and put them between two super powerful electromagnets. Flip the switch and, SWISS CHEESE!

[Jean-Luc]

That's the first one that actually made me LOL

[Double_Clawshots]

That's the first one that actually made me LOL
^_^ I'm awesome. Admit it.

[Bodzilla]

i'm just looking for the headline

"ALERT POINTLESS FASHION ACCESORRYS ARE SET TO KILL!
super model dies last week after falling on her own stupidly pointed shoe, doctors are unsure of the exact cause of death but estimate it to be either supreme humiliation for wearign such a stupid fuckign outfit, orinternal bleeding suffered during the fall"

:iamafag:

[Pyong Kawaguchi]

Drown them in Jizz

[Double_Clawshots]

Drown them in Jizz
yeah...i wonder how much Peter North's services cost...

[Rentafence]

Room 101.

[PopeAK49]

Using a gravity gun to shoot a pig at someone at about 100mph. Exactly like in District 9.

[Saggy]

I thought these might fit well in here:


Every year, the U.S. F.B.I. is asked to investigate over 36,000 serious crimes
including murder / homicide. And every year the Homicide Investigations Unit
puts out its "Top 20 Homicides of the Year". The 1996 Top 20 was as follows:

20. Alex Mijtus, 36 years old, was killed by his wife, armed with a 20
inch long vibrator. Mrs Mijtus had had enough of her husband's strange sex
practices and one night during a prolonged period of "fun" she snapped,
pushing all 20 inches of the vibrator into Alex's anus until it ruptured
several internal organs and caused severe bleeding.

19. Debby Mills-Newbroughton, 99 years old, was killed as she crossed the
road. She was to turn 100 the next day but, crossing the road with her
daughter to go to her own birthday party, her wheel chair was hit by the
truck delivering her birthday cake.

18. Peter Stone, 42 years old, was murdered by his eight year old daughter,
who he had just sent to her room with no dinner. Young Samantha Stone
felt that if she couldn't have dinner no one should, and she promptly
inserted 72 rat poison tablets into her father's coffee as he prepared dinner.
The victim took one sip pnd promptly collapsed (Samantha Stone was given a
suspended sentence as the judge felt she didn't realise what she was doing,
until she tried to poison her mother using the same method one month later).

17. David Danil, 17 years old, was killed by his girlfriend Charla after he
attempted to "have his way with her". His unwelcome advances were met
with a prompt kick in the chest and then four shots from a doubled barrelled
shot gun Charla's father had given to her an hour before the date started,
just in case.

16. Javier Halos, 27 years old, was killed by his landlord for failing to
pay his rent for eight years (yes, eight years). Landlord Kirk Weston
clubbed the victim to death with a toilet seat after he realised just how
long it had been since Mr Halos paid his rent.

15. Mary-Lee Cooper, 11 years old, was killed by her one year old sister who
climbed on top of her while she was sleeping, suffocating her.

14. Megan Fri, 44 years old, was killed by 14 state troopers after she wandered
onto a live firing, fake town simulation. Seeing the troopers all walking
slow down the street, Megan jumped out in front of them and yelled, "Boo!"
The troopers, thinking she was a pop up target, fired 67 shots between them,
over 40 of them hitting their target. "She just looked like a very real
looking target," one of the troopers stated in his report.

13. Fiona Given, 17 years old, was killed by a hitman hired by her ex-boyfriend
after she broke off their relationship. The hitman was promised to be
paid $500,000 for the task. The hitman killed the boyfriend after he found
out that a 16 year old high school student, whose father was in jail for rape
and whose mother worked as an ironing lady, didn't have access to $500,000.

12. Louis Zaragoza, 68 years old, was killed as he prepared to drive to work.
His wife, Lee Zaragoza, had been plotting to kill him for over a year, and
had cut the brakes on his car four times previously. On this attempt, Lee
was just about to cut the brakes again when Louis snuck up behind her. He
grabbed her and spun her around. As he did, she lost her footing and
stumbled into him, stabbing him in the lower ventricle of the heart, killing
him instantly.

11. Mahmood Foli, 22 years old, was killed by an unknown member of the Russian
Mafia after he accidentally took away the gangster's drink too soon at
the nightclub he worked in. The gangster was so upset that he forced the
waiter to drink over 27 litres of Coca Cola (the drink he had taken away) until
Mahmood drowned.

10. Julia Smeeth, 20 years old, was killed by her brother Michael because
she talked on the phone too long. Michael clubbed his sister to death with a
cordless phone, then stabbed her several times with the broken aerial.

9. Helena Simms, wife of the famous American Nuclear Scientist Harold Simms,
was killed by her husband after she had an affair with the neighbour.
Over a period of three months, Harold substituted Helena's eye shadow with a
uranium composite that was highly radioactive, until she died of radiation
poisoning. Although she suffered many symptoms, including total hair loss,
skin welts, blindness, extreme nausea and even had an ear lobe drop off, the
victim never attended a doctor's surgery or hospital for a check up.

8. Military Sargent John Joe Winter killed his "two timing wife" by loading
her car with Trintynitrate explosive (similar to C4). The Ford Taurus she
was driving was filled with 750 kilograms of explosive, forming a force
twice as powerful as the Oklahoma Bombing. The explosion was witnessed by
several persons, some up to 14 kilometres away. No trace of the car or the
victim were ever found, only a 55 metre deep crater and 500 metres of
missing road.

7. Patty Winter, 35 years old, was killed by her neighbour in the early
hours of a Sunday morning. Her neighbour, Falt Hame, for years had a mounted
F6 phantom jet engine in his rear yard. He would fire the jet engine, aimed
at a empty block at the back of his property. Patty Winter would constantly
complain to the local sheriff's officers about the noise and the potential
risk of fire. Mr Hame was served with a notice to remove the engine
immediately. Not liking this, he invited Miss Winter over "for a cup of
coffee and a chat" about the whole situation. What Winter didn't know was
that he had changed the position of the engine. As she walked into the yard,
he activated it, hitting her with a blast of 5000 degrees, killing her
instantly, and forever burning her outline into the driveway.

6. Michael Lewis, angry at his gay boyfriend, used the movie 'Die Hard With
a Vengeance' as his inspiration. He drugged his boyfriend, Tony Berry, into
an almost catatonic state, then dressed him only in a double sided white
board that read "Death to all niggers!" on one side and "God loves the K.K.K."
on the other. Lewis then drove the victim to downtown Harlem and dropped him
off. Two minutes later Berry was deceased.

5. Jay Newton was killed after a co-worker at Sea World in Florida dropped a
20 tonne killer whale on him. The whale had been hoisted out of his tank
by a Master Tonne Crane, when the victim swam underneath to inspect the
harness. His colleague, Brian Hartley, released the whale, crushing the
victim instantly (and emptying a quarter of the water from the pool).

4. Carl Densinter, 34 years old, was killed by a fellow worker trying to
prove a point. The worker, San Amote Pet, disconnected the internal landing
gear settings on a Boeing 747 test plane (the plane's gear automatically
retracts after take off). But come landing time, the landing gear wouldn't
re-engage. The helpless Densinter couldn't do a thing as the plane
eventually ran out of fuel. In an attempt at an emergency landing, the 747
exploded and Densinter was killed instantly.

3. Mary Dridely, Joseph Coles and Haven Gillies were killed as they walked
past a New York apartment building. David Smee, aged 7, and his 6 year
old sister were left alone in their 27th floor hotel room by their parents
as they went to the hotel's gaming room. Bored, the kids though it would be
fun to try to squish the "ant looking things on the foot path below"
(people). They started by throwing fruit, then quickly graduated to chairs,
televisions, even the drawers from the bedroom dresser.

2. Conrad Middleton, 26 years old, was killed by his twin brother Brian
after a disagreement over who should take the family home after their parents
passed away. Conrad had a nasal problem and had no sense of smell. After the
argument, Brian stormed out of the house, then snuck back later, and turned
on the three gas taps in the house, filling it with gas. He then left out a
box of cigars, a lighter and a note saying, "Sorry for the spree, have a puff
on me. Brian." Conrad promptly lit a cigar, destroying the house and himself
in the process.

1. Gail Queens, 23 years old, was killed by her zookeeper boyfriend Matthew
Kellaway after she refused sex. He 'invited her' to the zoo to see the lions
feeding, and at feeding time led her into a room that had a large slide away
panel. He explained to her that it was a large glass viewing window to
watch the lions devour their prey. He 'ducked out for a quick smoke' and
locked her in the room. Suddenly the slide away panel opened to reveal many
people staring at her. She was just about to yell and tell them that they
were on the wrong side of the glass when she realised that it was her on the
wrong side. Another panel opened and three hungry lions were let into the
pen. Gail survived for two days in hospital before dying of massive internal
injuries.

[Rob Oplawar]

Suddenly this thread feels too morbid for me. I'm out.

[TVTyrant]

Beating them to death with your phallus.

Or, alternatively, make them eat chili until they burn out from the inside.

[Double_Clawshots]

Beating them to death with your phallus.

Or, alternatively, make them eat chili until they burn out from the inside.

...I'm not even going to say what I was just thinking after I read your post...

[Jean-Luc]

Suddenly this thread feels too morbid for me. I'm out.
This. Real life examples do not make for a lulz :saddowns:

[annihilation]

This thread went a bit too far.

[hobojoe]

Alex Mijtus, 36 years old,
was killed by his wife, armed with a 20
inch long vibrator. Mrs Mijtus had had enough of her husband's strange sex
practices and one night during a prolonged period of "fun" she snapped,
pushing all 20 inches of the vibrator into Alex's anus until it ruptured
several internal organs and caused severe bleeding.

:gonk:

[Mass]

This. Real life examples do not make for a lulz :saddowns:
they're not real

lol

[Saggy]

they're not real

lol
This.

You people are saying you never got an email from some forwarding fag containing these? This shits old, I would of thought one of you guys would have caught on right away.

[Neuro Guro]

-

[Double_Clawshots]

Also here is something else I remember. I'd dig deep little trenchs into ant hills and put a worm into them. They were basically death pits, the worm couldn't get out, and the ants would swarm around and ride the fucker like it was "Dune". I did that in florida to a lizard I caught and dismembered and gave to some red ants. I came back after lunch and had a nice little skelton after that. I still have it, lol.
dude, that sounds like me when i was 8. i used to do weird shit like that. i had a turtle shell that i'd found when i was 6 that had been hollowed out by ants. it was the most awesome thing.

[Corvette19]

Epic suicide: Jump off a cliff and shoot yourself with shotgun while freefalling.