About guys who don't pay attention to their girlfriends

[Rob Oplawar]

We've all seen it before: A girl animatedly tells her boyfriend the minutiae her day, and the guy keeps his eyes on the TV and mumbles "mhm"s at her. She finally asks if he's heard a word she's been saying, he fails to back up his claim that he has, she accuses him of not paying enough attention to her and she storms off. I have something to say about this.

I was talking to a female friend of mine today about the beauty of programming languages. Eventually it became obvious to me that she did not care the tiniest bit and wasn't even listening to me, and I got pretty irritated at her. I was all ready to storm off.

Why am I bringing this up? Because this happens on both sides; inevitably a girl is going to want to talk about something that a guy just doesn't give a shit about and vice versa; and this is ok. It's just a fact of the universe. Once I acknowledged the fact that the girl I was talking to didn't give a shit about computer language, I didn't begrudge her at all for showing no interest in the conversation I was trying to have. There's no reason to get mad at somebody for not sharing the same interests as you.

So girls out there (all two of you on this forum): For god's sake, the next time you babble on about gossip or celebrity breakups or your favorite TV show: your boyfriend doesn't care, and there's no reason to get mad at him about it. And that goes for guys as well.

[Jean-Luc]

I'm getting the sense that...uMad.

That said though, I agree with you. I have no problem if a girl wants to chat, but I quickly zone out whenever the conversation turns to gossip, shopping, reality TV...well you get the idea. Guys are the same way. I just don't give a sweet shit about how wasted you got last weekend, sorry.

[Reaper Man]

But but I babble on and on about photography to everybody all day, they care right? Right?? :saddowns:

In all seriousness, I agree with you, but sometimes it's nice at least for the other party to feign interest, emphasis on sometimes, don't be a pushover.

[=sw=warlord]

There's a really good solution to resolving conversations your not interested in, stare at them in the eyes and do not blink, Don't make it too awkward just look at them without a word for a moment.

Worked for me last Friday actually, some random girl who I've never met in my life decided she wanted to talk to me about some random gossip, About a minute in she got the hint and said she felt it would be a good idea if she went else where.
pretend your taking notice, nod n' smile and you will either deter from carrying on or you will avoid the constant bickering about how you never listen.

[Spartan094]

I'll just put on my smug face and say umad.

But seriously this happens a lot, I mean me and this one girl we used to talk alot about common things we both liked, we ran out of things to talk to and we became silent. And like what Rob said, I try to say something interesting to her but she pays no attention which I shrug it off and resume what I was doing before. Same thing from her to me. I learned not to get too irritated. One time when it was early in the morning at school I was very tired, this girl talked to me about random bs and I fell asleep, well that didn't work to well for me >_>, not lieing lol.

[Corndogman]

I agree, though sometimes I will catch myself talking about something that the girl obviously doesn't care about, so I just stop and say "yeah, you probably don't care about this, lets talk about something else." Now I just wish girls had the same sense sometimes.

[Aerowyn]

We've all seen it before: A girl animatedly tells her boyfriend the minutiae her day, and the guy keeps his eyes on the TV and mumbles "mhm"s at her. She finally asks if he's heard a word she's been saying, he fails to back up his claim that he has, she accuses him of not paying enough attention to her and she storms off. I have something to say about this.

I was talking to a female friend of mine today about the beauty of programming languages. Eventually it became obvious to me that she did not care the tiniest bit and wasn't even listening to me, and I got pretty irritated at her. I was all ready to storm off.

There's a difference between sharing the details of your day, like "I aced my exam! I'm so stoked!" and me trying to explain vector calculus to somebody if they don't understand the basics of it. If the girl you were talking to isn't really computer savvy, and you're gushing about how C++ is the best programming language out there and why, I doubt she'll be interested because she has no idea what it is. I would almost be more offended if someone FAKED interest and was just like, "Oh yeah, that's so cool. Yeah." in a monotone voice.


Why am I bringing this up? Because this happens on both sides; inevitably a girl is going to want to talk about something that a guy just doesn't give a shit about and vice versa; and this is ok. It's just a fact of the universe. Once I acknowledged the fact that the girl I was talking to didn't give a shit about computer language, I didn't begrudge her at all for showing no interest in the conversation I was trying to have. There's no reason to get mad at somebody for not sharing the same interests as you.

So girls out there (all two of you on this forum): For god's sake, the next time you babble on about gossip or celebrity breakups or your favorite TV show: your boyfriend doesn't care, and there's no reason to get mad at him about it. And that goes for guys as well.

Here's the thing about us girls; it doesn't matter that you CARE about what we're saying so much as it matters that you're LISTENING to us. Even if you don't give two fucks about Jersey Shore, listening to your girl is the respectful thing to do. (vice versa, even if I don't know a damn thing about programming language I'll still sit and listen to you because that's what a significant other is there for)


EDIT: This was my thousandth post WHOOP!!!!!!!!!!

[Limited]

Its going to happen, what annoys me the most, is when people at the start listen, and follow on, then they slowly drift and pay no attention, just gaze into a void.

I just pick up on the fact they have no interest, I usually stop talking about it, change subject, or ask them if somethings bothering them (if it looks like something is).

You can tell alot of things from someones body language.

Its vice versa too, I was in a club the other week, a girl started to talk to me about something, I could hardly hear her, I was pretty drunk as well, but I tried my best to follow the conversation and wanted to seem engaged in it so I just nodded alot and said yes. I caught the main drift of what she was going on about so yeah, I would have felt bad just like ignoring her.

[Warsaw]

I avoid the situation entirely by not saying anything at all to people unless I'm dragged in or if I hear them talking about a topic I can relate to or have knowledge on. :)

[sleepy1212]

listening to your girl is the respectful thing to do.

The respectful thing to do is not ear-rape someone.

My gf usually doesn't give a flying rat's ass about the stuff i talk about and vice versa. I tell her all the time, "Hey, i'm not one of your girlfriends. If you just feel like flapping your gums go call one of them." That doesn't mean we don't talk, we talk all the time. I just have to reel her in every now and then when it turns into verbal diarrhea.

I understand girls have a biological need to share everything verbally, what I don't get is the guys that do the same thing.

Everyone talks too much.

[Limited]

Jesus, how the hell hasnt she dumped you sleepy?

[Llama Juice]

People watch my videos and listen to me babble.

That must mean that they obviously care about everything I have to say.

E: and Limited, girls like asshats for some reason.

[Phobias]

Well said, Rob and Aerowyn.


I don't have this problem, I've got the other one. The "why don't you ever tell me about your day, or about anything in general, don't you like talking to me? You never share anything with me!" one. I'm patient, I listen and I do take an interest in what they have to say, but I just don't see any reason to bore the life out of someone else with the details of my day.


Edit: what the shit fuck, sleepy. Last time I did that I got slapped and 10 minutes later got shredded by every female in my family that has my mobile number, holy fuck.

[ICEE]

Tbqh, listening has never gotten me anywhere.

[Cojafoji]

Rob, sometimes you just gotta slapabitch...

Also sleepy holy shit. I've seen dudes get crucified for way less. Someone must be well endowed...

[DEElekgolo]

A bunch of guys inferring they know how girls think.
A few women representing them all.

[Bodzilla]

We've all seen it before: A girl animatedly tells her boyfriend the minutiae her day, and the guy keeps his eyes on the TV and mumbles "mhm"s at her. She finally asks if he's heard a word she's been saying, he fails to back up his claim that he has, she accuses him of not paying enough attention to her and she storms off. I have something to say about this.

I was talking to a female friend of mine today about the beauty of programming languages. Eventually it became obvious to me that she did not care the tiniest bit and wasn't even listening to me, and I got pretty irritated at her. I was all ready to storm off.

Why am I bringing this up? Because this happens on both sides; inevitably a girl is going to want to talk about something that a guy just doesn't give a shit about and vice versa; and this is ok. It's just a fact of the universe. Once I acknowledged the fact that the girl I was talking to didn't give a shit about computer language, I didn't begrudge her at all for showing no interest in the conversation I was trying to have. There's no reason to get mad at somebody for not sharing the same interests as you.

So girls out there (all two of you on this forum): For god's sake, the next time you babble on about gossip or celebrity breakups or your favorite TV show: your boyfriend doesn't care, and there's no reason to get mad at him about it. And that goes for guys as well.
hey rob hows miss palmer and her five daughters treating you?

[Dwood]

I hate the girl that laughs at you when you make a smart comment and does the fake half-baked "Oh Dason" hand-toss thing with a little smile and the roll-ie "I mean the opposite of what I'm saying" face.

[Jean-Luc]

A bunch of guys inferring they know how girls think.
A few women representing them all.
...I never thought I'd say this to Dee...but that's basically an /thread post o_O

[mech]

What the fuck is this?

Why are you talking about computer programming to a female?

[Rob Oplawar]

Here's the thing about us girls; it doesn't matter that you CARE about what we're saying so much as it matters that you're LISTENING to us.
I had a feeling you'd present that side of the argument, and I respectfully disagree. I'll get back to you in a moment...


I will catch myself talking about something that the girl obviously doesn't care about, so I just stop and say "yeah, you probably don't care about this, lets talk about something else." Now I just wish girls had the same sense sometimes.
My point exactly.


Its going to happen, what annoys me the most, is when people at the start listen, and follow on, then they slowly drift and pay no attention, just gaze into a void.
Right. See the thing is, I feel its more respectful to come out and tell someone that you're not interested in what they're talking about than to pretend you are.


The respectful thing to do is not ear-rape someone.
Exactly, I'm not saying people should or should not feign interest when someone talks to them, I'm saying the person doing the talking should be aware of the fact that the person listening may not care.

So Aerowyn, yes, I listen to my girl friends, and I even pay close attention when they tell me about their days. I don't outright ignore my friends, and I don't condone that. What I'm saying is sometimes girls (and guys) get rather carried away, talking about what her friend's mom's dog's groomer told her cousin the other day. We don't care. Don't get pissed when you find out that we don't care.


hey rob hows miss palmer and her five daughters treating you?
Very well thanks. She never talks back and she never gets headaches.

[Kornman00]

I would never bring up software engineering to a women (hell, most people for that matter) unless I know they have experience in it, or they're curious about it. Same goes for many other subjects. It just seems like a waste to babble on to someone who doesn't know or doesn't care when you could be talking about something else or talking to someone else.

In the terms of relationships though, it's best to learn to listen, even when you don't want to, to the other person. It's not always about learning about what they're trying to tell you, but there may be something underneath that they're trying to say or bring out. Relationships are work; they won't always be fun and games.

[Rob Oplawar]

I wasn't talking about software engineering, tho. I was trying to get her to admit that code (and mathematics) can be beautiful. She wasn't even interested in the debate, tho.

Yes, the person being talked to should make an effort to listen, but once again, that's not who I'm talking about right now. I'm just saying, guys and girls alike need to be able to recognize when the person they're talking to isn't interested in whatever it is they're talking about, and they need to be understanding about that.

[Kornman00]

If she doesn't understand software engineering (code would just be paint for the picture) or even the different math branches, how can she truly appreciate the beauty in either? You might as well be a sports car lover trying to convince a tribes man why that machine is just so magnificent

It's not just about guys and girls; there are some very butch women just as there are very sensitive men. It's people.

[annihilation]

I'd rather fake an interest into what my girlfriend is saying. Tbh, I think I'd rather be on her goodside and let her feel that I care other than making her feel like a useless being who's ramble isn't worth taking a couple seconds to hear.

Btw, a simple "Can you tell me later?" works wonders.

[sleepy1212]

Jesus, how the hell hasnt she dumped you sleepy?


what the shit fuck, sleepy. Last time I did that I got slapped and 10 minutes later got shredded by every female in my family that has my mobile number, holy fuck.


Also sleepy holy shit. I've seen dudes get crucified for way less. Someone must be well endowed...

lol, you guys...

It's not like I'm mean about it plus, we rag on each other often, and we rarely ever fight. I mean like maybe twice in the past year. We have a secure relationship. I can get away with saying stuff like that. We also live together so we have absolutely no catching up to do.

But you are right, I got a pair and I act like it. I am that hunting-fishing-will-swap-out-the-drivetrain-on-my-4x4-and-drink-a-case-of-beer-while-doing-it kinda guy. Girls are all about expectations. If you act like a vag she'll expect you to sit down and listen to her "dog groomer's aunt" story. You can tell I couldn't give two shits from a mile away.


What the fuck is this?

Why are you talking about computer programming to a female?

also, this^

[Llama Juice]

I'd always talk to my last girlfriend about different modeling related problems and such... but when I'd do it I'd dumb it down enough for her to understand... and by the end of our relationship she was almost able to carry on a conversation about the stuff and sound somewhat educated about it. She'd talk to me about her nutrition stuff, and she'd try her hardest to make it interesting... so it worked out most of the time.

My big one is if I'm trying to go to bed... and you start babbling about how different proteins do different stuff or whatever... It's going to put me to sleep. Don't get upset when after an hour of listening to it while I'm laying down if I stop responding haha.

The girlfriend before that though... she'd fucking babble on about her boss's cat.... who not only do I not give a flying fuck about... but I didn't care much for the girl at that point... so I very politely told her to shut the fuck up and stop talking to me.... but that relationship was fucked up anyhow... I know a few of you know the story.

Long story short, sometimes people just want to talk about what they're interested in, to someone they're interested in. Chances are you hooked up because you had something in common or something... and so if you can share more things it makes people happy.

Fuck gossip though. No straight man cares.

[Rob Oplawar]

If she doesn't understand software engineering (code would just be paint for the picture) or even the different math branches, how can she truly appreciate the beauty in either? You might as well be a sports car lover trying to convince a tribes man why that machine is just so magnificent

It's not just about guys and girls; there are some very butch women just as there are very sensitive men. It's people.
That's kind of my point. It is obvious in hindsight she wasn't interested. I should have figured that out before I started boring her. But at least I figured it out in time not to get mad at her when she didn't care. And this is just one example, not necessarily tied to boy-girl. Guys do it to guys and girls do it to girls. The reason I addressed it to couples is because I hate to see a couple get in a fight over this, because it's a stupid thing to fight about.


I'd rather fake an interest into what my girlfriend is saying. Tbh, I think I'd rather be on her goodside and let her feel that I care other than making her feel like a useless being who's ramble isn't worth taking a couple seconds to hear.

Btw, a simple "Can you tell me later?" works wonders.
Again, I'm not saying the person being talked to shouldn't listen. I'm just talking about the person doing the talking, here. They should avoid talking about things that don't interest the listener.
If someone doesn't pay attention to what you're saying, that's rude. But if what you're saying to them is irrelevant and uninteresting, you're being rude too, and it's not fair to get mad at the other person.
And for the record, if, for example, your girlfriend wants to talk to someone about her shitty day, that is not irrelevant.


Long story short, sometimes people just want to talk about what they're interested in, to someone they're interested in. Chances are you hooked up because you had something in common or something... and so if you can share more things it makes people happy.
Yep. My contention, though, is that no two people share exactly the same interests all of the time, so if you talk enough, sooner or later there's gonna be a subject that one person just doesn't care about.

[Kornman00]

The reason I addressed it to couples is because I hate to see a couple get in a fight over this, because it's a stupid thing to fight about.
What's funny, in a way, is that some people LIKE getting into arguments with their partner. Off hand, I know a girl like this and I know a same sex couple who are like that. I really don't know how effective that kind of bond is in a long term relationship though. It doesn't seem like it'd be sustaining factor but it could just be like being into the same music to them; if they both like it, they both must know how to deal with it and not let it escalate too far. Or, it could just be a trait that's manifested from something picked up during childhood observations from troubled parents. You can never really know what's in another man (or woman's) head

kinda off topic, but hey

[Donut]

Tbqh, listening has never gotten me anywhere.
^ it got me dumped. ROFL.

[ICEE]

What's funny, in a way, is that some people LIKE getting into arguments with their partner. Off hand, I know a girl like this and I know a same sex couple who are like that. I really don't know how effective that kind of bond is in a long term relationship though. It doesn't seem like it'd be sustaining factor but it could just be like being into the same music to them; if they both like it, they both must know how to deal with it and not let it escalate too far. Or, it could just be a trait that's manifested from something picked up during childhood observations from troubled parents. You can never really know what's in another man (or woman's) head

kinda off topic, but hey

That kind of relationship seems deeply rooted in immaturity, if you ask me.


^ it got me dumped. ROFL.

Remind me that I have a picture to draw for you.

[SiriusTexra]

I will talk to my misus about vectors and how shape tweens are fucked and they suck the hours out of my day and how shaders and normals are awesome, and she says "im bored" and gets angry and shuts the fuck down, and I'm standing there going wah wah wahaahh.

However, she drones on about hair, and about stuff, I dunno, stuff about things that happen and I don't give a single fuck.

But I still love the shit out of her.

I think the best thing to do at times when you both don't give a shit what the other is saying, is to probably get drunk and do it in the pooper, then you'll have something to talk about that concerns both of you:

a) do we now have aids

and

b) can shit particles and sperm possibly create mudmen golems if your fucking within close proximity to a powered up microwave




I understand girls have a biological need to share everything verbally, what I don't get is the guys that do the same thing.

Everyone talks too much.

I've wondered this for a while.

I see more and more plain jane girls(note: more awesome character), less talky, straight to the point, solemn, and you know, serious, but I see more and more guys with stupid hair and SUNGLASSES INDOORS, neon shoes , clusterfuck pattern design trendy clothes and shopping bags around their fucking ankles with their jaw flapping on full tilt.


I blame the wussbag parents who graduated highschool in 1989, listened to morrissey and overprotect their kids from germs and danger.

Also, highschool musical and gang.


Also, staring, while I'm ranting about annoying shit.

People stare, too fucking much. I don't get it. Or maybe I just take too much notice of it because I'm compulsive about it. Everyone's a something or a someone, and there's always big stuff going down somewhere apparently important. Everyones always talking and observing other people now. Like their gathering faces for their collection or something. It's like they look and look and look UNTIL you look at them. Like they're waiting for it. Oh look, heres this fucker now, right on time. I've been waiting for you, as I was staring in your direction and at you before you even arrived, so it seems.

Everything is fucking mind games and competition.

I blame social networking on that one.