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malolo420
May 26th, 2010, 05:29 PM
Ok, well I want to tell you guys about myself and how I grew up.

Right now I'm 18 years old, I live in a little hippy community that is connected to a few little towns.
I moved here about 3 years ago when I was 15.

I grew up in Whistler (where the 2010 Olympics was). Had a pretty good child hood, was fairly popular in day care, and elementary school.
I started skiing when I was 2 years old, my parents would have me strapped to a harness and I'd ride a head of them.
When I was a kid I was real out doorsy. I always liked to play with bugs, fuck around with ant hills and what ever else I could find under rocks. In school if I ever saw any kids getting picked on I'd normally go meet them and make friends with them, most often they'd become my best friend. I just thought those kids were more real and interesting.

I did live in a rich town, but we were kinda the poor people there. Just barely scraping along, didn't live in a house. We had a Siberian husky named Meeka, he was a year or 2 older then me and we had to put him down when he was 15 because he got a tumour on his leg. We had it chopped off the first time, but the second time it grew back there wasn't enough skin to sew it up. Right before his death we got a cat, then another which died when she was a kitten from I think a car, and she was pregnant at the time. Our first cat we got never got nudered, and because of that, along with the jealousy of 2 more cats after the second one died he never entered our house, and tried to kill our male orange cat. His name was James Bond, and he'd only come to our back door to eat occasionally. And the one that got hit by a car was named Natalia, yeah lol the girl from golden eye. Our third cat was a black one, another girl but she just got called Black cat. We still have her, only one that survived. Our orange cat was named Orange cat, real original eh? But after orange cat got hit by a car and survived, he got fat and retarded so I called him Garfield. Once we moved where I'm living now we put down james, cause he was very skinny, probably had worms, he had skin diseases, so we wanted to put him out of his misery.

When I was in elementary school I had bad anger problems, still do till this day, but I've only ever lost it on my parents. Which has ended me up in the Mental ward at the hospital, and Jail. My parents had me going to councelors when I was young, and they're trying to get me to go now but its just more stress on my plate.

When I was 8 that's when I started snowboarding, and Downhill Mountain biking. I stopped skiing when I was 10 so I could just snowboard. The downhill mountain bike park here you take the chair lift up and ride down. A few years later I was getting really good, got my self a $5500 bike and rode with a couple pro's a few times, even bought my riding clothes off the pro, Richey Schley.

My cousin who lived a couple doors down from us had a boyfriend who made ski films, Greg Stump. And she made little films, and took photographs. My other cousin worked at EA, he started as a game tester, and just in the last few years, was the lead game designer in a bunch of games down in Australia. Both my cousins brother was a 3d animator, made animations for this series of mountain bike movies, and is now doing commercials and music videos. So I had a wide selection of opportunities for careers I could do. I ended up taking 3d modeling since I had just heard about HEK. He gave me a copy of 3ds max and learned how to model on my own with out any tutorials. I actually just recently showed my cousin in game design Overdose, and he said if I get my grade 12 I can hand it in for a resume and get hired just like that.

When I was 12 some friends that were a few years older then me moved in next door, and so I started smoking pot. And after that, for my age group I became an outcast because the other kids were still afraid of shit like that. I dropped out of school in grade 8 after I got suspended for 2 months for being involved in something where this kid got beat up a tiny bit. So I started selling pot when I was 13, and by the time I was 14, on my 14th birthday actually I smoked crack the first time, had done E, and later on did shrooms and acid and anything else I could get my hands on. Currently my list is at 37 differen't substances. I met this one guy at a rave, who lived in a trailer in the woods, and I eventually got molested by him, which fucked up my social skills badly for a long time, but am still a little fucked up to this day. and yes I will kill him some day, I keep in touch with him so I have that capability some day.

My parents moved here when I was 15 to try and get me to go back to school, I went for a couple days at first, but ended up getting a job as a dishwasher/prep cook and dropping out again. Then I went to the alternative school, they just put me into grade 9. Then I quit after about a month, went back the next year, and they put me into grade 10. I was PC modding up untill right around I moved here, then got into HEK and was mapping every day I was at home, untill I made some good friends. After I made some friends I started smoking pot all day everyday again, eventually met this one girl, who had an open relationship with this guy but for some reason I thought I had a chance to be with her. But I was wrong, so I got really depressed, started smoking crack and doing coke again. I started to grow weed, and meet some really high up cool people. They taught me how to grow, and was going to teach me how to grow every type of food so I can support my self but I didn't end up doing it because of my addiction. I moved out of my parents house when I was 16, in the woods for 2 months tenting it with my best friend at the time. We eventually found a place to rent, $100 rotting boat shed in the back of someones house. It had holes in the walls, roof, floor, smashed out windows. But it was home, and I loved it. The people there were hippies, and 1 junkie who grew up on Hastings street in Vancouver. I learned the ways of the hippies there, totally changed my mind state into a caring, loving, tree hugging, spiritual person. I met this amazing girl there, she eventually lived with us, me and one of my best friends were kind of fighting for her, but she chose him since he grew up in this hippy community his whole life and had more hippy experience.
So I got really depressed again, and at that time I had just found out one of my room mates is a needle user, because I gave him a hydro morphone pill that he begged me for when I came home one day (its actually the pill in my sig, first pill I ever shot up).
So since I was depressed I asked him to teach me how to do it, I loved it, too much.... The rush was amazing, I had never felt so good in my life, better then acid (which I did alot of, better then crack, better then anything). So I started doing it a lot, and after a few months I really got addicted, not just mental now, I had a physical addiction. I ended up losing my job, all my old solid friends, my family, they charged me got a restraining order and got me sent to jail because I had a mental break down. The house I moved into after I brought my 360 and a bunch of games, which got stolen when I took a 15 minute shower. $1000 worth of my stuff gone.
Before I moved back into my parents and got the restraining order, I moved out of the hippy house into a house with my drug addict friend, and a couple other good friends. Eventually we couldn't take the lieing from the junkie so we all moved out, but I moved back in a week later, my junkie friend brought some crack dealers into the house from Surrey, and we started a crack shack to pay rent.
I was smoking crack, shooting morphine pills every day, shot coke occasionally, and got into shooting heroin occasionally (heroin is almost exactly the same as morphine or hydro morphone). After 2 and a half months the house got busted, and I don't even remember the day because I was on 5 ativan, ritalin, morphine, and crack and had amnesia at the time. But when the cops came to my house when my parents charged me the cop was like, "your wolf right?" I said "no, that's my friend." He said "You told me your name was wolf." I said "Man i've never seen you in my life." He said "It was when we shut the house down, but yeah you were really fucked up." Apparently I met my friends mom and shit that night too, because when I did meet her I said nice to meet you but she said we already met and then I heard the story. After the house got shut down I stopped being my junkie friends friend (his name was wolf) and I moved into my other friends house and got on a youth agreement. I was clean for a few months, but eventually relapsed, then got clean again but got sentenced to rehab in the court system because 3 people ratted me out to the ministry. So I got cut off my youth agreement and went to rehab for 4 days, then left because I went with a friend who had to leave the next day because of court, and because I hated it. I got a breach from leaving, and got even more charged on top of my Minor assault from grade 8, and my 2 assault and 2 mischief from my parents. Once I got out I made a deal with my Probation officer that if I relapsed again I'd go to treatment.
So now I still have restraining order, but written permission to stay at my parents house, I just got back into using a couple months ago. I also just got my job back but now that I have money, my drug addiction is getting really bad again, and I'm dope sick and can't even go to work unless I get a pill into my veins. So now it comes to right now, I just shot up, am waiting to go to work, need to find pills for tomorrow, and every other day I work untill I get on methadone next thursday. I've been paintballing a lot lately, I got a $1000 doller gun and that has been keeping my cravings for drugs down to a minimum, but I'm stuck in an endless physical loop so thats why I need methadone.
About three quarters of a year into my addiction I found out I contracted Hepatitus C, which I know my "friend" wolf gave me purposely. He gave me a needle filled with dope one day, and when I stuck it in my arm I could feel that it was blunt and that it had been used.

I swore to myself I'd never go on methadone, but now that I'm probably going to lose my job again, I have no choice but to do it.

That's just some shit I wanted to get off my chest, and share with someone else since I can't tell people in real life all this shit. There's a bit more to the story but its not as important as the rest.

Well now you kinda know what I'm about, and what my life was like. I always help people out when I can, its what keeps me feeling good about myself, so I don't feel like a worthless piece of shit. But you all know the saying "Nice guys finish last," its true. Its very sad, because if your nice, you lose chances with girls, and people take advantage of you. So I've started being less nice to people because you have to if you want respect from them.

Well, talk to you guys later. Maybe I'll update this shit with more stuff that comes to my mind.

Donut
May 26th, 2010, 06:00 PM
srs post makes me upset :(

i really dont know what to say about this whole thing. just posting to let you know i read the whole thing and i feel for you

malolo420
May 26th, 2010, 06:33 PM
Thanks donut :)

I'll make it out ok though, even if it takes a few years to get my life on track.

I have faith and know I can do it, you just gotta believe or else there is no hope.

jcap
May 26th, 2010, 06:50 PM
Ok, so why did you feel the need to tell us your life story? Why does it feel like this was a load on your chest? Do you want to change your life?

malolo420
May 26th, 2010, 07:04 PM
Yeah I really want to change my life. I fucked up bad again, I'm getting into drugs a lot again, my parents want me out, had a huge fight last night. Like in this last month my life has turned back into shit, and I don't have anyone to talk to. My solid friends don't want to talk about it because they said it brings them down so they wont help, and I don't have anyone to talk to.

Aerowyn
May 26th, 2010, 07:54 PM
I sort of came into this thread expecting it to end with moving in with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.

sevlag
May 26th, 2010, 08:01 PM
I sort of came into this thread expecting it to end with moving in with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.
same here

but to be serious just remember, there is someone always worse off than you...don't ask where the chain ends because I don't know

Sel
May 26th, 2010, 08:39 PM
Man, I've known your for ages, and you're a great guy.

I'm really really sorry to hear that shit's gotten even worse for you since you had to take that hiatus a few years back.

Yoko
May 26th, 2010, 09:26 PM
I too need to confess my life story to an online community of people I don't know personally and will probably never meet in my entire life so they can comfort me in my time of need

But seriously, talk to people you know so they can help you, you'll rarely find heart-warming advice from a game modding forum

Atty
May 26th, 2010, 09:32 PM
If any of this is true, or all of this, I'm sorry you exist. I really am. I can't see any way to give yourself a good and proper life from here on out without being fucked up in some way, be it mentally or physically.

I just can't understand how anyone would let their life get that bad and still let it get worse. Get help.

jcap
May 26th, 2010, 09:45 PM
Yeah I really want to change my life. I fucked up bad again, I'm getting into drugs a lot again, my parents want me out, had a huge fight last night. Like in this last month my life has turned back into shit, and I don't have anyone to talk to. My solid friends don't want to talk about it because they said it brings them down so they wont help, and I don't have anyone to talk to.
I was hoping to hear that. At least you are discussing it instead of further hurting yourself by not letting it out.

You've really put yourself through hell, but you need to understand that you only have yourself to blame for where you are right now. That means that only you can fix it, and you can't expect anyone else to fix yourself.

You have to want to change, though. The problem to me is that it sounds like you've wanted to change several times in the past, but you ended up right back where you were. You can say one thing, but unless you truly make an effort, it means nothing. If you really want change, then you can stop acting like you are proud of your image right now. Just looking at your username and sig, you're literally bragging about your drug addiction, like it's something special that you are proud of. Cut it. If you don't see yourself the way you are being portrayed, then start by clean up your appearance.

You need to decide who you want to be, because that will decide everything after. If you want to be a drug addict who ends up dead on a street corner from an overdose, then it's your choice to hang out with those people and follow what they do, because you'll become one of them. If you don't want that, then cut all ties with bad influences. If you have some good 'friends' who are negatively reflecting on you, you need to make a very strong call here. If they are really your friends, if you are hanging out with them and you refuse to shoot up or smoke with them, they won't look negatively on you. They should be openly supporting you, and they shouldn't be pressuring you. It's as simple as that, because friends are supposed to look out and care for each other, and if they can't let you help yourself, then they don't care about you.

The next thing you need to do is to get help from people who actually do care about you. The first people you should seek out are your own parents, or a "clean" friend's parents. They should be able to oversee you and guide you if you ever appear to begin veering off track. Whoever it is, they will need to keep pressure on you. Preferably, you would want someone who could hang out with you occasionally, who could call at random times to check up on you, and who you might see in person frequently (like every day) so you can't hide any repeated drug use. You also must confront your parents and give them a true apology from your heart, asking for help. That's what they want to hear, and that's why you have parents. I'm not going to tell you what to say, because only you know what you need to say.

Before you actually start taking any big leaps such as getting a girlfriend or a good job, you need to make sure you are no longer doing any drugs. There's going to be a lot up ups and downs on the road ahead. You WILL end up depressed at some time in the future, and you WILL be tempted to resort to some substance to feel better. At max, if you really can't be without some fix, fall back on cigarettes. They are bad for you, and they will kill you eventually, but they should help satisfy any small cravings you might have while going through your recovery process. You shouldn't keep this habit for more than a year though, since it is bad and looked negatively upon. Again, this comes back to your public image.

You are going to need something to occupy time you would have otherwise spent high or with old friends. First, you should have a job that isn't stressful. If you can't get a job, especially in this economy, then play video games. I have heard many stories of people who had messed up lives, so they resorted to playing video games and making maps/mods. Explain to your parents this. They need to understand that you want a job that isn't stressful for your own sake of recovery. If you can't get a job, explain that you instead want to get involved with video games so you don't get involved with other destructive patterns. Hopefully they can understand that instead of pressuring you and creating more stress.

Eventually, you need to decide what you are going to do for education. If you are lucky and you show improvement, your parents should be proud of you and support your commitment to a higher education. Even if it's just a community college, if you can get that education under your belt, that's a huge step forward. You can also use money from your job to pay for your education. You could probably even get a pretty decent job if you express to your employer that you are pursuing a college degree.

Of course, if you don't want actually make an effort, you can just sit back, relax, and enjoy the rest of your miserable life.

ICEE
May 26th, 2010, 10:00 PM
If any of this is true, or all of this, I'm sorry you exist. I really am. I can't see any way to give yourself a good and proper life from here on out without being fucked up in some way, be it mentally or physically.

I just can't understand how anyone would let their life get that bad and still let it get worse. Get help.

You should just limit your posting to risky proposition because you're just not being productive outside of posting pics of yourself failing to create the shape of a heart with your hands. Christ. You don't have to like malolo, or believe his story, but why the fuck bother putting someone down on the internet?

Atty
May 26th, 2010, 10:05 PM
You should just limit your posting to risky proposition because you're just not being productive outside of posting pics of yourself failing to create the shape of a heart with your hands. Christ. You don't have to like malolo, or believe his story, but why the fuck bother putting someone down on the internet?The same reason he bothered to post his life story on a gaming forum.

I don't see the point in coddling someone or telling them it will all be ok, what good will it do? Especially in someone who obviously has a sincerely twisted mentality, it will do more harm than good in that case. His life is messed up, has been for a while, and seems to be getting worse. Someone needs to tell him that and if for some bizarre reason it is some guy on a gaming forum than so be it. His life needs to be changed and he should realize that it will never be normal. Maybe I'm just an elitist, scratch that, I know I am. I'm a narcissistic bastard who has enough hate, vile, and anger inside him to fill the hole in the Gulf and stop the oil from spewing out and killing all the baby seals, accept it like you've accepted someone who has thrown away the only real gift he's ever been given or just ignore it, I don't care.

Aerowyn
May 26th, 2010, 10:18 PM
All right, all right, let's stay civil in here. :\

SnaFuBAR
May 26th, 2010, 10:52 PM
Locking because this is just going to be a troll-bonanza. It's already turned into some privileged kids acting dickish, and gaming forum advice is obviously what you do not need. There's been a good example or two of who you should talk to if you wish to carry this on with anyone here. I'm sorry if I'm uninclined to believe this but, if you're posting that you're drinking meth, you're most likely not going to be posting on forums. You'd be on a bus sweating your ass off in 40 degree weather begging for quarters.

If you are legitimately having problems, you don't need to come here for advice. The median age for a lot of users here is probably around 15 years old. What can ANY of us do here except tell you "you need to change your life dude".

Good job, you're an addict, or want to look like one. Just look at yourself. Either you really do have a massive problem (which nobody here is going to solve) or you're a huge tryhard. "malolo420 methadone man needle drawing trip out avatar drugs drugs drugs sig mod about drugs drug posts".

Just STOP.

If you really do have a problem GO SEE PROFESSIONALS AND DON'T WALK OUT.