I know you guys hated it the last time I did this

[TVTyrant]

But I could really use some tips on my shitty writing. I'll spoiler it because its pretty long. Please give me some crit.
Tellontil lazed on the grass outside his home, the cool night’s breeze whispering softly across his face. The stars were bright in his home country, bright enough that on a spring night, you could walk by them without a candle. The noise of the creek washed over him as he slowly drifted off, only to be disturbed by the light hearted giggling of a young girl.
“Telly, I knew I’d find you out here” the girl said, taking a seat by her friend. What is it with you and being outside all the time?” The young boy pushed himself back up into a sitting position. Something about this girl always made him nervous.
“I just like it out here” he responded quietly. “I’m not sure why. Maybe its just how it seems like, no matter what, nature keeps going. From the beginning to the end it never stops.” Tellontil fell silent. The girl pushed closer, and laid here head against her shoulder. He looked down at the grass, both embarrassed and happy at the same time.
“I wish this moment would never end” his young companion whispered in his ear. Tellontil stood up and faced his friend, who seemed surprised by his sudden movement.
“Kayila, one day we will own all of this. All the world around us. When that happens, then…” Tellontil stuttered for a second. Kayila, blushing smiled, and then showed an expression of awe in her deep blue eyes.
“Look Tellontil” the young boy turned to the sky, seeing a streaking red light. “A shooting star.” Standing, she took his hand, and squeezed tightly as the red light came closer and closer, finally crashing in the field in front of them, its odd, elongated shape shimmering in the night.

Makarthis sat at the table, drinking his cheap rice liquor. The tiny drink shop could barely house him and his men. There were eleven in all, and they wore their swords proudly, big banners streaked across the backs of their cloaks. Warriors for the mighty Prince Kamriel.
A stranger walked into the shop. He wore his red hair hair long, with a thick black coat covering the majority of his body. His yellow spectacles obscured his face. He ordered a beer, and then sat next to the other men at the bar. One of the warriors, turned to the man. “You got some nerve kid, coming in here and sitting with the real men. Tell me, you ever done any soldiering before?”
The younger man turned to his questioner. “Yeah, I was involved in some skirmishes against Lord Dytella. Why do you ask?” The older man grinned. “Because we’re looking for a twelfth member, that’s why. And you look the part with those big shoulders. What do you say?” The younger man laid his bits on the table, and then stood up.
“Thanks, but no thanks. I’m not looking to join a bunch of sellswords who fight for the highest bidder.” Makarthis spit out his shot of liquor onto the sawdust floor.
“The fuck you say, kid?” The big man growled, standing from his stool. At six foot five and over two hundred pounds he was huge compared to the average man. His five foot claymore was almost as tall as most men, but he didn’t reach for it. Instead he laid his hand on the shorter, curved sword that dangled from his belt.
“I said I didn’t want to join your little mercenary clan. Got it?” The younger man responded, starting to walk towards the exit. Makarthis roared, and drew the katana, throwing it blade first into the door in front of the young warrior.
“You think you can disrespect me and my men? You little bastard, I’ll fucking cut you apart. Now he reached for the claymore, ripping it from its clasp. The red haired man smashed the door open, and rolled out into the street, standing and waiting for the Goliath to come out.
Cracking the bones in his massive neck, Makarthis stepped outside, the massive sword gleaming in the sunlight. Commoners scattered from the streets, moving back so not to get hurt but not so far that they couldn’t see the action.
Folding his spectacles, the stranger put them in his coat pocket. He then tossed the coat, revealing his slight but muscular build and a common length katana at his side. It had an ugly handle, and its sheath was made of micarta wood. Tied to it were strips of animal hide.
“You got some nuts, kid, not running away like a coward. But that piece of shit sword of yours isn’t going so save you.” The young stranger smiled, his steel blue eyes flashing in the sun. He reached down and drew his own blade. The metal flashed with embers, and grew to massive proportions. Makarthis wasn’t sure what he’d seen, but before he could take a step back the kid was assaulting him, every sword strike leaving a half inch dent in the claymore.
Flames flashed off the metal surface of the young man’s sword, and licked at Makarthis’s clothes. Wielding the blade with one hand as if it were weightless, the stranged struck with all his force, cutting the mercenary’s great sword like it was kindling. The big man stepped back, weighing his options. To fight further was meaningless.
“Hmm. So you are quite the fighter. Well, you’ve beaten me fair and square.” He tossed the handle and the foot of blade that was left to the muddy ground.
“Who are you employed by, mercenary?” The young warrior asked, sheathing his blade into the seemingly impossible container.
“Prince Kamriel” he responded, taken aback by the fighter’s question.
“And the Prince, is he looking for soldiers?” The young man snagged is coat, wipping it around him.
“Yes” the mercenary replied, still not sure where this was going.
“Then I will meet with him. I know this area well. It has good people. I expect for someone like yourself to not cause any more trouble.” With that, the young fighter turned towards the castle in the distance, pushed on his spectacles, and strode off.

[TVTyrant]

Something else I wrote. Yeah, I know lol. Plz give me some crit.

The planet was so bright that night. Bright enough to walk the fields and forests by. I made my way to the old rice paddies, and then out to the other part of the village. The hill stood just beyond that. I climbed to the top, and took my seat by the old oak tree. Thanis, the village elder once told me it was over a thousand years old. I couldn’t even imagine that amount of time.
The body of the tree provided more than enough support for my back. I looked out onto the surface of the planet above me, a piece of grass between my lips. My older sister, Kunta, says that the people of the mainland believe its where all men come from, that we were once all on the Planet.
I hear steps approaching behind me. I look over to see Sirry’s face smiling. She sits down next to me. We both stare at the massive orb in the distance.
“Do you really think so?” she whispers. Without turning, I respond.
“Think what?”
“That that’s where we’re really from. The planet I mean. Its so huge, I just wonder about it sometimes.” I shake my head.
“Not a chance in hell. Look how big it is. We don’t even know how big our world is. Who’s to say we’re from that thing?” Sirry sits silently for a moment, and then giggles. “Whats up?” I ask her. She keeps giggling.
“Nothing.” She falls silent, sighs slightly and leans back some more. I look over and she seems so peaceful.

The knife feels so heavy in my hands, the hot red blood stinging my freezing hands. Silently, the sky lets the snow fall to the ground. When I was a child it always made me feel so safe. Now I just feel lost. I pull up the front leg of the deer and slash it all the way off. The red meat looks so good, even bloody and raw. I set it into the sack I have made from the animal’s skin. The work continues, until I have almost all of the meat out of the animal. Only the bones and guts remain as I strip the meat from the ribs.
The raw red meat from the buck’s chest cavity tastes good. Its chewy, but that only adds to the appeal. I march myself all the way back to the village. Three miles isn’t so far.

Sirry and I spend the night out by the old oak tree. I am thirteen. Her kisses feel so sweet. Each one comes with a small one repeating it. Like a signature. I lay on my back, her body stretched over mine. In another year or so, we can get married. Start a life together. Pick up a track of land and work it, building ever towards the future.

The grass shoots crunch beneath my steps as I walk towards the visitors. There are six in all, their long blades gleaming in the summer sunshine. One steps forward to face me. “Boy, how old are you.” I stare at the ground, trying to build up the courage to respond. This is the first time I have ever met someone I did not know.
“Thirteen, sir. Almost fourteen.” My words come out stammered, weak.
“By the Emperor’s orders, you must come with us then. We will return with some wagons next week. War is brewing in the north. We need as many hands as we can get.” I look up at their faces. Most are barely older than myself.
“But, I’m about to get married! Another month and…”
“That can wait, son.” The oldest man looks at me with a smile. “Worst case you sit around in the Imperial City for a year. Best case you go home after 4 months. You’ll be home before winter time. I’m sure you’re bride can wait that long.” I nod, unsure how to respond.

The wagon rocks back and forth. Boys from villages all over shake hands, and make vows to be war buddies. Everybody’s got a girl back home. I try to enjoy it. This will be over soon enough. I won’t even see the field. Not with the great warriors the emperor keeps under his feet. They will clean up the whole thing before us grunts are even needed.

The metal scales are heavy on my shoulders. The wooden sword smacks my friend’s. He pushes back, forcing me to rock a step to the side. He loses his balance. In a swift move I make the motion that would slit his throat. He rubs his sore neck and laughs callously. In the distance, the champions watch closely. I notice one pointing my way, and another writes scribbles something down on the rice paper he holds.

Lord Taimoda gives me close details on where I am being brought. A secret camp closer to the front. I tell him that one of the recruiters told me I’d already be home by now. The snow sheds around us. He hands me a short, curved blade. “This is my token to you, young fighter. I have heard that you are to be married soon. But the war needs your spirit. Please, fight for us. Then you may return to your young bride.” I nod, unsure how to respond.

I spit the blood from my teeth and draw my shortest blade. The larger man grunts on top of me, attempting to pull my armor apart. He is unarmed. I smash the blade of my knife into his throat, and blood flashes all across my vision. The man gargles for a moment, and then stops. I push him off of me. His frozen eyes stare directly into mine. I grab my sword from the mud and leap to my feet. An opponent tussles with one of the men in my regiment next to me. I slash the back of his knees out. The enemy screams in pain as he falls into the dirt. My ally stabs him through his eye, and rips the blade out.
I turn around and notice that all around us similar victories are being won. Cheers begin to roar from our men. Lord Taimoda rears his horse and gallops across the battlefield, his red and gray flag flying in the bloody wind.

[Patrickssj6]

sorry but if I click the spoiler button and the wall of text reaches beneath my screen i just press it again and leave :V

[Tnnaas]

Longpost tags man!