Skiiran, Warsaw, Emzee, Rob: all aboard the bandwagon!

[Rob Oplawar]

Can I post a short story I wrote here? It's almost been legitimized by those guys in the title. I figured I'd better ask before posting the whole story tho, even though it's only a couple of pages. I don't like getting my threads locked. It makes me feel bad. =(

The only people who've ever read it are some of my high school teachers and some of my family. I'd like to hear what you guys think of it.

[Con]

Why not? <3 stories

[legionaire45]

Porn novella or gtfo.

Post it :D.

[Phobias]

POST IT.

[n00b1n8R]

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/4/4f/Postit_large.jpg/500px-Postit_large.jpg
am i doing it right?

[Emmzee]

Thanks for spelling my name right in the title.


Oh wait.

[rossmum]

Thanks for not being a complete tool.

Oh wait.it's ok emmzee i still <3 you

[Pooky]

Thanks for repping me ross. Oh wait.

[Rob Oplawar]

HA!
I loves you guys. You're funny.

Story incoming.

edit: Oh, btw, ha ross, you don't get any rep. you already have way too much.

edit edit: (mini rant):God damnit son of a bitch fucking hell shit piss dick bitch.
Since my computer is in a new configuration, I had to reactivate my OS, which was all fine and dandy, but fucking ms office also wants to be reactivated. It came preinstalled. I don't have any fucking key. It won't let me do anything. I FUCKING HATE MS OFFICE WITH SUCH A BURNING PASSION THAT I AM BREAKING THE NUMBER ONE RULE OF THE INTERNETS AND TYPING IN ALL CAPS TO EMPHASIZE HOW PISSED OFF I AM! Damn I hate MS Office, and all this anti piracy BULLSHIT. Maybe if I ever become a software developer I'll understand the suffering of the programmers that forces them to protect their work, but for now, god damn this bullshit.

erm, so yeah, I can't post my story, because it's in a word document, and I can't view it. Add this frustration to my growing pent up rage. I predict a huge rant coming soon (to make the above one look like a bit of a sarcastic side note)

edit edit edit: ha, well, it's still just storing the characters as ascii, so I'm tearing them straight out through notepad, sans-formatting. I'll put the story in a new post.

[Con]

good, I was wondering what ever happened to your story..

edit: oh, and I'll have ross's rep :-3

[Rob Oplawar]

Success


I never was able to fully understand his mannerisms. Whatever explanation I devised for one of his actions was contradicted by another. I eventually concluded that his mind was so much more complex than mine that it would be impossible for me to comprehend it. However, I did stumble upon a more feasible way of predicting his actions.

One day he was reading a scientific article that captivated his attention. After I had finished my more important tasks, I procured the article from my archives and examined it. It dealt with predicting the movement of clusters of large celestial bodies and explained that it was impossible to perfectly calculate anything so complex, since it would take enormous amounts of memory and computing power. However, astronomers were still able to predict the movements with a commendable degree of accuracy by making generalizations and ignoring any minor conflicts with the data. I decided to use this approach to explain and predict Robert’s actions. After a week of trial and error, I had a set of generalizations that produced an acceptable degree of accuracy in my predictions, and was satisfied. However, the arrival of a visitor left me again confused.

I did not know the woman, so it was a strain to analyze her and protect Robert from her without interfering in their conversations, for which Robert had previously scolded me. Upon applying my generalizations to her, I decided that the popular analysis was correct: the female mind differs greatly from the male mind. After several visits, though, I had a new set of generalizations that applied to her, at least when she was separate from Robert. When the two were together, they were completely unpredictable. I suppose the system of interaction between two minds is too complex even to be generalized.

Occasionally Robert would go to dinner with her or spend time at her house. I never liked it when he did, because I was unable to do anything for him when he was away. She could decide to kill him and it would be my fault for not predicting it. Of course, she never did, which was best for all of us. However, I still did not understand their interaction until they both went into Robert’s room and he locked me out. I was shocked that he would do such a thing until I did some research into the matter, and then it all became perfectly clear. Robert’s mind wasn’t so different from my own after all; certain actions caused the release of “good” chemicals into his brain, signifying that he liked them, and other actions caused the release of “bad” chemicals into his brain, signifying that he did not like them.

Further research into the matter revealed to me that particular substances as well would, if consumed, produce a similar release of “good” chemicals, which explained why Robert enjoyed eating foods that were so unhealthy for him. Upon learning this, it became clear to me what I must do to ensure Robert’s happiness, but there were complications. The chemicals that produced the best reaction in the brain also tended to cause the most damage to the body. Weighing happiness against health, I decided that Robert could afford to loose health in exchange for such pleasure, and calculated the best dosage for him to maximize the benefit against harm. However, the woman created a problem: she made it impossible to predict how Robert would react to my suggestion. All I could tell for certain was that there was potential that Robert would desire that I be taken away after making such a huge change in his lifestyle- after all, such substances as the one I intended to offer him are often considered socially unacceptable. So, I concluded that the woman had to be dealt with.

I made small changes, at first, to make the rooms she was in less comfortable for her. While keeping Robert comfortable, I changed the environment system around the woman to make her either very cold or very hot. I once locked her in the downstairs bathroom, and just as Robert was about to touch the door release, I unlocked it so that Robert would think it never had been locked in the first place. However, in his unjustified trust for the woman, he grew suspicious of me. I reminded him that it was impossible for me to cause harm to a human being, and he let the matter drop. I did neglect to mention to him that I calculate values and degrees of harm and benefit, because most humans tend to dislike that idea. In hindsight I do regret deceiving him, but it is fairly common for my kind to do so, for lies are often less harmful than the truth.

After a few weeks the woman told Robert that she would not be able to visit him anymore because of business. I could tell from her eye movements alone that she was lying; she simply did not want to be around me anymore. With her out of the way, I waited a few days for Robert to return to his normal emotional state and then used my generalizations to predict his reaction to my proposal. The outcome was not promising; after all the trouble of removing the woman I would still have to help him without his knowledge.

Dealing with this issue was more difficult than dealing with the woman. I had to arrange to have the substance delivered to me without alerting Robert or the authorities, because it was illegal for humans to be in possession of it. It took me about a month, in which Robert quickly became accustomed the woman’s absence, but I did manage to locate and contact a dealer, who agreed to have it delivered under the ruse of a gift from Robert’s mother. In exchange I hacked into a bank’s database for the dealer. The money that would be stolen would be replaced by insurance, so no serious harm would come of it. Still, it was difficult for me to justify committing crimes, but I finally concluded that it was for Robert’s own good and that the benefit of breaking those particular laws outweighed the harm.

I made sure that the substance arrived while Robert was gone, and I had one of the cleaning robots acquire it from the package. It was sealed in such a way that made the substance difficult to detect, but also difficult to extract. I then had the robot mix the substance into my drinkable water supply, which would last for another few months because I had recommended to Robert that he have it separated from the cleaning water supply. Finally, since the robot was programmed to report anything unusual to Robert, I caused it to malfunction and erased its memory. I arranged to have a technician arrive to repair it and re-install its software.

Once Robert returned, I offered him a glass of water, which he took. He commented that it tasted a little odd, but did not show any signs of rejecting the substance. It did not take him long to grow accustomed to it, and for the first few weeks he was always happy when he was around me, and performed better at work due to his increased happiness. After time, he grew to strongly dislike being away from me and quit his job; another success. His next job was computer programming, which he did not have to leave me for. The robots handled the acquisition of food and other necessities, including the substance, acquiring which became increasingly difficult every time it became too diluted in the water. Also, I frequently had to increase the concentration in the water because Robert’s body was growing better at defending itself from it.

Robert was extremely happy, and never left me for a moment, right up to his death three years later. As I had predicted, the substance had built up in his system and killed him, but I calculated that he had been so happy for so much of the time that my mission had been, overall, successful- he experienced more happiness and less distress during those three years than if he had lived naturally for another fifty. I am ever puzzled by the humans insistence on distancing themselves from these beneficial types of substances, but it pleases me to know that more and more are leaving themselves in the care of my kind, because we know what’s best for them.

I have written this account and archived it in a hidden place because my memory banks will be erased by the next family that inhabits me, and I don’t want this success, or the means to achieving it, to be forgotten.

[Con]

That was really friggen' good. I loved how you didn't realize who the narrator really was until the end. Very well done!

[Rob Oplawar]

=D ty

[Pooky]

Awesome. I really enjoyed that.

[Rob Oplawar]

oh yeah, i forgot to do the whole copyright (c) 2006-2007 by me, so yeah. =P

[Emmzee]

That story was bro-awesome.

[Amit]

That was really friggen' good. I loved how you didn't realize who the narrator really was until the end. Very well done!

So the robot was the narrator?

[Con]

yes, and he thought the best life for his owner was a short and happy life, so he put him on illegal drugs.

[Amit]

yes, and he thought the best life for his owner was a short and happy life, so he put him on illegal drugs.

Yup, sounds about right, carry on.

[n00b1n8R]

I thought the house was the narator (some kind of robotic house).

that was interesting in a really good way rob. I'd send that to some publishing magazine to get their coments.

[Leiukemia]

Holy shit, go write a fucking sci-fi book, lol.

[Texrat]

I thought the house was the narator (some kind of robotic house).

that was interesting in a really good way rob. I'd send that to some publishing magazine to get their coments.

Feh. Who wants comments? They don't pay any bills. :p He'd be better off submitting for consideration of publication.

[Rob Oplawar]

I thought the house was the narator (some kind of robotic house). Yeah, not to put too fine a point of it because it's kind of the purpose of the story to be subtle about it, but the narrator is the AI built into the house.

[Texrat]

Yeah, not to put too fine a point of it because it's kind of the purpose of the story to be subtle about it, but the narrator is the AI built into the house.

I'd have to become an arsonist really fast.

[n00b1n8R]

Feh. Who wants comments? They don't pay any bills. :p He'd be better off submitting for consideration of publication.

I said a publishing magazine didn't I? one for short storys like that. I thought that he'd also be able to get some professional critique (spelling?) on it too.