Top 10's...

[FireDragon04]

I thought this might be a fun topic...
Your top 10 ANYTHING!
Games, Movies, Sex Positions (:eek:)...ect

I've got a few:

FireDragon's Top 10 Video Games:

10. Gears of War
9. Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic
8. Unreal Series (Always liked the series...looking forward to UT3)
7. Mass Effect (Looks Awesome and it isn't even released yet)
6. Star Wars Republic Commando
5. Portal
4. Sonic the Hedgehog (Original Game was the best, not been too good since).
3. Half-Life 2 (+The Episodic Prequels)
2. Halo: Combat Evolved (+The Entire Game Series)
1. The Legend of Zelda : Ocarina of Time (+The Entire Game Series)

Now before people start shouting why not this game or that game.
I must say i hate MODERN/PAST games, i mainly play Sci-Fi games (excluding a few). Same applies with movies (As you'll see). Now before flaming me to the lowest depths of hell, i do give modern games a chance, such as COD3 and COD4 Beta...etc i just don't like the look or the feel of the games. I'm fascinated by space and everything other then this planet, so thats why i love playing the games that branch out there. (Gears up into fire protective clothing to stop flames).

FireDragon's Top 10 Movies or Movie Series List:

10. Spider-Man (I don't know...i just like them).
9. Reign of Fire (Fairly unknown movie, loved it though)
8. Predator (Loved um both, don't mention AVP to me).
7. Alien (1,2,3 Where great kinda went down hill from there)
6. Rush Hour (Hilarious movies loved all 3)
5. Stargate Movie (been a fan of the TV Series i had to put this in)
4. Serenity
3. I, Robot
2. Lord of the Rings (Great trilogy of books and films).
1. Star Wars (All 6...1 and 5 been the worst).

Lots of sci-fi again i know, i just love there effects :lol:

FireDragon's Top 10 Television Series List:
Okay, this will be a tough one, not sure I've even watched 10 good TV shows but I'll give it a go.

10. Invasion
9. Taken (Spielberg amazingness)
8. Stargate SG1 & Atlantis
7. Firefly
6. Doctor Who (Odd one i know, i love the new stuff though).
5. Scrubs (Kinda new, ending soon though, great stuff!)
4. South Park
3. 24
2. Friends (Had 10 solid, great seasons...classic)
1. Lost (Just love it! Will never stop watching it, no matter what).

Ok, i got 10 and I'm done!

It will be fun to see the differences and even similarities in things. Because everyone is different.

Also, don't forget to think of some of your own Top 10 things ;)

[Ki11a_FTW]

Top 10 video games

1 Halo 3
2 Halo 1
3 Halo 2
4 Grand Theft Auto San Andreas second edition
5 Counter Strike Source
6 Sonic the Hedgehog (360)
7 Gears of war
8 Guitar Hero 3
9 Rainbow six:Vegas
10 Battle field 2142

Top 10 foods

1 Mcdonalds, Big mac with large fry and large dr.pepper
2 Turky Sub
3 Pizza
4 Hot dogs
5 Salmon
6 Fried Shrimp
7 Cheese steak
8 Burger king chicken fries
9 Nachoes with hot cheese
10 Home made speggiti

Top 10 TV shows

1 Drake and Josh
2 Fresh Prince of Belair
3 George Lopez
4 Home Improvment-Tim Taylor
5 Family guy
6 MTV
7 Future Weapons of America
8 Roseanne
9 Zoey 101
10 Spongbob

[Syuusuke]

Top ten numbers:

10. Ten
9. Nine
8. Eight
7. Seven
6. Six
5. Five
4. Four
3. Three
2. Two
And finally...
1. 69

[FireDragon04]

Top ten numbers:

10. Ten
9. Nine
8. Eight
7. Seven
6. Six
5. Five
4. Four
3. Three
2. Two
And finally...
1. 69
OMG LIEK NO...WHERES 23?

[Dole]

9. Reign of Fire (Farley unknown movie, loved it though)

3. iRobot
I'm sorry sir, Chris Farley was not in Reign of Fire.

Nor was there ever a movie centered on an automated vacuum.

[Hotrod]

Top 10 best Letters

10.F
9.M
8.A
7.T
6.C
5.S
4.H
3.P
2.E
1.R

[FireDragon04]

I'm sorry sir, Chris Farley was not in Reign of Fire.

Nor was there ever a movie centered on an automated vacuum.
Thanks for the first bit, but i don't get the second bit.
If your trying to be funny, my sense of humor is nill, unless ur calling me Matilda while I'm still in my scrubs.

[ICEE]

top ten games

1: halo 3
2: final fantasy (7,8,10,1)
3: legend of zelda (all)
4: halo 1
5: super mario 64 (fuck off this game owns)
6: metroid prime 1
7: super smash bros
8: halo 2
9:conkers bad fur day
10: golden sun. and i dont give a damn how shitty the graphics are, this game is fun as hell.

creatures

1: penguins
2: people
3: chimps
4: pornstars (theyre not people)
5:godzilla
6:hawks
7:ferrets
8:the easter bunny
9:cats
10: moms

[Atty]

Red Dwarf - A must see British series that used to air with Dr Who. And 24. Pick one for your #10 on TV.

My top 10:

10: Sex
9: Sex
8: Cuddling
7: Foreplay
6: Oral Sex
5: Kissing
4: Sex
3: Sex
2: Sex
1: Money


In no real order.

[Ki11a_FTW]

+rep to the above post.

[ICEE]

+rep to the above post.

agreed

[Rob Oplawar]

Top ten threads:

10: Post Your Clipboard! (http://www.h2vista.net/forums/showthread.php?t=962)
9: Most epic story ever. (http://www.h2vista.net/forums/showthread.php?t=7017&highlight=epic+story)
8: Bridge CE Update (http://www.h2vista.net/forums/showthread.php?t=7021) hurr
7: The Edge of the Universe (http://www.h2vista.net/forums/showthread.php?t=6497) (wait, what's this doing here? this should be in the worst threads list!)
6: Buyer's Remorse - An open letter to the devs of H2V (http://www.h2vista.net/forums/showthread.php?t=6854)
5: Official Youtube Thread (http://www.h2vista.net/forums/showthread.php?t=1336)
4: Post your PC pics (http://www.h2vista.net/forums/showthread.php?t=3657)
3: Post your quotes #2 (http://www.h2vista.net/forums/showthread.php?t=1124)
2: offtopic Gallery Thread (http://www.h2vista.net/forums/showthread.php?t=4511)
1: Gallery Topic (post your favorite work, or WIP's) (http://www.h2vista.net/forums/showthread.php?t=1677)

edit: wow, I spent like 10 minutes looking around, and this is the best I could find? Suddenly I'm really pissed at what a waste of time these forums have been.
/bandwagon:
OMG, What am I doing, I'm wasting my life here. I've gotta get it on track. I'm leaving yous guys, and I'm never coming back!
It's not at all like these forums have helped me focus my life on the work I love to do, or help me come out of my shell and be more social, or introduce me to dozens of people who are now good friends of mine, or help me hone my skills, or teach me to give and receive valid criticism, or bring me hours of laughter and joy, or give me new inspiration and ideas, or... (i'd continue, but i ran out of ideas have to go feed my cat)

[Boba]

Top 10 ways to execute:

10. Suffocate.
9. Burn alive.
8. Drown.
7. Beat and rape (female only).
6. Starve.
5. Torture.
4. Seduce and poison (female only).
3. Throat slitting.
2. Firing squad.
1. Firing squad, with your friends!

[CtrlAltDestroy]

Top 10 people:

10. Not jcap.
9. Not jcap.
8. Not jcap.
7. Not jcap.
6. Not jcap.
5. Not jcap.
4. Not jcap.
3. Not jcap.
2. Not jcap.
1. Not jcap.

[jcap]

Top 10 people:

10. Not jcap.
9. Not jcap.
8. Not jcap.
7. Not jcap.
6. Not jcap.
5. Not jcap.
4. Not jcap.
3. Not jcap.
2. Not jcap.
1. Not jcap.

Oh, you. :smith:

10. Not CAD.
9. Not CAD.
8. Not CAD.
7. Not CAD.
6. Not CAD.
5. Not CAD.
4. Not CAD.
3. Not CAD.
2. Not CAD.
1. Not CAD.


:saddowns:

[kenney001]

Top ten best rap songs....
1:













uuuuuuuuhhhh........

[PenGuin1362]

^ IAWTP


top ten games

1: halo 3
2: final fantasy (7,8,10,1)
3: legend of zelda (all)
4: halo 1
5: super mario 64 (fuck off this game owns)
6: metroid prime 1
7: super smash bros
8: halo 2
9:conkers bad fur day
10: golden sun. and i dont give a damn how shitty the graphics are, this game is fun as hell.

creatures

1: penguins
2: people
3: chimps
4: pornstars (theyre not people)
5:godzilla
6:hawks
7:ferrets
8:the easter bunny
9:cats
10: moms

oh hello thar best friend

Top ten ass kissers:
1. Boba
2. Boba
3. Boba
4. Boba
5. jcap
6. Boba
7. Boba
8. Boba
9. Boba
10. Boba

[Boba]

^ IAWTP



oh hello thar best friend

Top ten ass kissers:
1. Boba
2. Boba
3. Boba
4. Boba
5. jcap
6. Boba
7. Boba
8. Boba
9. Boba
10. Boba
WELL, YOU'RE A FLIGHTLESS BIRD.

[ICEE]

Top ten best rap songs....
1:

uuuuuuuuhhhh........



brilliance. +repped


top 10 actual songs

1: paschendale
2:the coming curse
3:the banana phone song
4:the god that failed
5:iron man
6: that one queen song that goes "your never gonna get me doooowwwwwwnnnn!"
7:holy diver
8:romanticide
9: american idiot. oh wait...
10: any song played during a porno




Top 10 people:

10. Not jcap.
9. Not jcap.
8. Not jcap.
7. Not jcap.
6. Not jcap.
5. Not jcap.
4. Not jcap.
3. Not jcap.
2. Not jcap.
1. Not jcap.


OMFG! not jcap? IM NOT JCAP!

[Rob Oplawar]

Top ten numbers in a 52 card deck:
10: 10
9: 9
8: 8
7: 6
6: 7
5: 5
4: 4
3: 3
2: 2
1: owait


edit: moar
Top ten pixels on my monitor:
10: 143x678
9: 529x491
8: 1634x519
7: 431x412
6: 343x343 (just for it's namesake)
5: 1504x612
4: 517x1111
3: 1439x1 (omg that one rules!)
2: 158x990 (had a lot of fun times with that one)
and finally:
1: 50x40 (needless to say,

editedit:
won't do a whole top ten, but just the number one most disturbing thing I have ever read ever. EVER.

********************************************** panties **************************** juicy ************ brushing up *************************************** wet ************************************************** *************** limp ***************************** really ************* moist ******************************************** battleship ************************** fed up ******************** wooden peg leg ************************************************** * candy apple ******************* the side of the cabin ************************** parrot *********************************************.
editeditedit: awww censored.

editediteditedit: one more
top ten better ways I could be spending my time:
10:
*Rob Oplawar has logged off*

[Emmzee]

My top 10:
10-2. Atty
1. Ross

[Boba]

My top 10:
10-2. Atty
1. Ross
:(

[Emmzee]

:(
You're number eleven, baby.

[Hotrod]

My top ten reasons to be posting my top ten reasons to be posting my top ten reasons.........etc.

10. Nothing else to do
9. <Enter reason here>
8. I'm bored
7. I don't have any homework to do
6. It hasn't been done yet
5. I'm halfway through the list
4. It's November 1st
3. I like pie
2. I'm not playing Halo 3 right now
1. Atty made me do it

[Archon23]

Top Ten Reasons why I'm not fapping right now:

10. No Porn
9. No Porn
8. No Porn
7. No Porn
6. No Porn
5. No Porn
4. No Porn
3. No Porn
2. No Por
1. Hey my sisters staring at my compute, OH SHI

[FireDragon04]

LOL Some funny stuff.

Top 10 Life 'moments'

10. Conquering a small patch of land...i like to call...the 2ft ring around Matt.
9. First match on Halo 3
8. Hugging the Spartan helmet (Halo 3 LEG edition)
7. Seeing Lee Evans Live (my fav comedian)
6. Actually seeing someone do a :eek: face
5. Someone telling me i did good...
4. Finishing School
3. Holding £50,000 in cash...i wanted to have a bath in it....
2. Sex
1. Looking into the most amazing girls eyes... (yes i did loose all that, if u don't already no i am single...have been for a while.)

Keep goin guys :p

[Agamemnon]

8: Cuddling
Cuddle? What a fag.

[Mass]

Cuddle? What a fag.
+rep for win post.

[Con]

My top 10:
10-2. Atty
1. Ross
this is not a to-do list thread http://i.somethingawful.com/forumsystem/emoticons/emot-colbert.gif

[FireDragon04]

Cuddle? What a fag.
HAHA!


this is not a to-do list thread http://i.somethingawful.com/forumsystem/emoticons/emot-colbert.gif
His list couldn't be a to-do though could it...because where are you? You should be atleast before Atty! :lol:

[Con]

that's true http://i.somethingawful.com/forumsystem/emoticons/emot-colbert.gif

[Dole]

Thanks for the first bit, but i don't get the second bit.
If your trying to be funny, my sense of humor is nill, unless ur calling me Matilda while I'm still in my scrubs.
The "iRobot" is a knock off of the Roomba. On the other hand, the movie is called "I, Robot".

[FireDragon04]

The "iRobot" is a knock off of the Roomba. On the other hand, the movie is called "I, Robot".
Okay, although thats just confusing because wtf is a Roomba i don't know but ok. :rolleyes:

[Atty]

Cuddle? What a fag.Just pour me a drink you fairy fuck.

[Dole]

Ah, it turns out iRobot is the name of the company that produces the Roomba vacuum. (http://store.irobot.com/shop/index.jsp?categoryId=2597846&OVMTC=standard&OVKEY=roomba&OVADID=10595151522&OVKWID=9301131522&OVRAW=roomba)


OMG LIEK NO...WHERES 23?
ITS ONE THIRD OF 69 OMG ITS EVERYWHERE! SOMEONE CALL JIM CARREY!


1. Star Wars (All 6...1 and 5 been the worst).
I hope you're not talking about The Empire Strikes Back... or A New Hope if you interpret it the other way.
If so, have a nice day BLASPHEMER.

[FireDragon04]

I've been obsessed with the number 23 since i was about 3, theres huge connections with the number, which i'll save for another time. But anything i do can be versed into 23. Also my ex's name added up to 23.

The 2 movies i was stating where Phantom Menace and Empire Strikes Back.

If i had to do a TOP 6, of SW movies it would go like this:

1. Return of the Jedi
2. New Hope
3. Revenge of the Sith
4. Attack of the Clones
5. Empire Strikes Back
6. Phantom Menace

I have no idea why, i personally love them all, but I've only ever watched ESB and PM twice, while I've seen ROTJ countless times. Anyway, Star Wars kicks ass, even though the franchise has been 'over done' some good stuff has come out of it.

[Dole]

You put Revenge of the Sith and Attack of the Clones above Empire Strikes Back? :gonk:

My order for those movies would probably be in the order they were made, with maybe one rearrangement and/or one tie.

[Rob Oplawar]

It makes me sad when people see a movie that re-makes an old movie or a book, but people never know there was an original.

Top ten re-makes/sequels that killed the original:
10: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (TV series by the same name was way better)
9: AVP (James Cameron would be turning in his grave if he were dead)
8: All the remastered Star Wars movies (FUCK YOU LUCAS)
7: Son of the Mask (ugh)
6: Paycheck (UGH!)
5: Planet of the Apes (srsly, wtf was that bs at the end with Ape Lincoln? WTF?!)
4: War of the Worlds (OK, so I really enjoyed it, but I enjoyed the book that much more, and the book was published in 1898!)
3: Timeline (Poor Chrichton got butchered)
2: Starship Troopers (LOL)
1: The Thunderbirds (Totally appealed to the wrong generation)

And the top ten remakes that were actually better than the original:
10: Twelve Monkeys (remade some French film I believe)
9: Sleepy Hollow (oh Tim Burton, =)
8: Rat Race (who knew it was a remake?)
7: Minority Report (Dick's got some good ideas, but I find he doesn't write good action- the movies do that spectacularly (EXCEPT PAYCHECK)
6: Sphere (Same with Crichton- suspense is better suited for the screen)
5: 2001 A Space Odyssey (Srsly, you just have to watch it all the way through, and it takes a lot of patience, but if you do, it's srsly impactful)
4: The Ladykillers (who knew I'd actually like it? friggin hilarious man)
3: I, Robot (This wasn't necessarily better than the original, but it does it justice)
2: Jurassic Park (Crichton, man, you shoulda been a screenwriter)
1: Children of Men (Never actually read the book, but it doesn't matter, cause Cildren of Men was just BRILLIANT)

ok, actually, the lists aren't in any sort of order, and they're just thrown together. If we all think harder, we can find some much more apt titles to fit in the TOP top ten.


edit: Ok, omg FireDragon your Star Wars list is so off I have to correct it.
First off, all of the originals were better than all of the prequels, ok? That's just how it is.
1: The Empire Strikes Back (because it doesn't end with cheerful clappy music yay overload)
2: Return of the Jedi (epic)
3: A New Hope (just plain classic)
4: ok, so there should be some separation here. The prequels didn't come close to the originals.

...



...


4: OK, Revenge of the Sith goes about here (The only thing that gives it some credibility is the Jedi Betrayal scene, because it makes me sad, and when Obi Wan faces Anakin, because it is epic)
5: Attack of the Clones (Seriously, this movie was bad. It was so bad. It was almost as bad as...
6: The Phantom Menace (cries)

oh and also,
7: The Star Wars Christmas Special (XD I gotta get myself a copy of this, just for the lulz)

oh and one more thing,
8: The upcoming Star Wars made for TV movies (it's just best if we don't get our hopes up. Lucas used up all his good film making on the original 3, and by now, in addition to having nothing left, he's going senile. God help us.)

[Atty]

The 10 Most Tenuously Connected Movie Sequels


#10.
Evan Almighty


http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/evanalmighty.jpg

Sequel To: Bruce Almighty
Tenuous Connection:
Evan Baxter, the anchor from the first movie. Oh, and God.
Plot Summary:
Congressman Evan Baxter is told to build an Ark, and he has to do it using ancient tools, because God is kind of a dick.
Why It Doesn't Work:
http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/evanalmightyb.jpg The first movie's premise was an interesting 'what-if' fantasy: "What if you had the powers of God?" Pondering this question while ignoring Jim Carrey as he twisted his stupid face around made Bruce Almighty almost tolerable. Evan Almighty takes this a step further and asks an even more thought-provoking question: "What if you had to build a boat? And also, you had a beard?"
For the sequel, news anchor Evan Baxter has become a congressman. How? Jim Carrey made him say a bunch of stupid crap on live television. You'd think saying "my tiny little nipples went to France" might make the campaign a bit challenging. Shouldn't God have mentioned this to Evan? "Hey, remember when you said a bunch of embarrassing stuff on live television, and how it's haunted you every day of your life, since it's totally unexplainable and frightening that someone else took control of your body? Yeah, that was my fault."
That's just the beginning of the dickishness from Evan Almighty's God, who presumably could have used His powers to prevent the flood, rather than have Evan build a stupid-ass boat. It's almost like they found it hard to write a family comedy based on the time God got mad and drowned the entire planet.

#9.
Speed 2: Cruise Control


http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/speed2.jpg

Sequel To: Speed
Tenuous Connection:
Annie, the girl that wound up driving the bus in the first movie.
Plot Summary:
Annie takes a cruise with her boyfriend, but Willem Dafoe is pissed off for some reason and he hijacks the ship!
Why It Doesn't Work:
http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/speed2b.jpg What are the chances that this poor woman winds up on a vehicle that gets hijacked by a crazy terrorist played by an actor too good for the role twice in her life? Really, if your trip gets interrupted by a guy with a bomb as second time, the problem isn't terrorism. It's you.
Jason Patric plays Annie's useless cop boyfriend, a role that was clearly written for Keanu Reeves and thus probably contained directions to react to every situation with an expression of dull confusion.
Of course, the most glaring problem is that the movie is called Speed and yet takes place on a cruise ship, the slowest form of transportation ever devised by man. Will Speed 3 be about a bomb on a hot-air balloon? A donkey? A Segway scooter? It almost seems like they came up with the clever 'Cruise Control' pun in the title, and wrote the movie around it.
Really, Bullock should have known something was up when Keanu turne down the role. If the guy who starred in a sequel to Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure passes on a movie script, you probably want to stay the fuck away.

#8.
Book Of Shadows: Blair Witch 2


http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/blairwitch2.jpg

Sequel To:The Blair Witch Project
Tenuous Connection:
A bunch of kids that saw the first movie and liked it. A lot.
Plot Summary:
A handful of college students take a "Blair Witch Tour" in the town where the first movie took place and crazy stuff happens. Wait, not crazy. Boring. Boring stuff happens.
Why It Doesn't Work:
http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/blairwitch2b.jpg The first Blair Witch movie worked only because of the ambiguity that the marketing folks created. Was it really the hand-held video of kids researching a town legend? Whether or not you bought into the marketing determined if you found the movie scary. Most of us realized it was obviously a gimmick, and didn't really find much to be scared about with cameramen snapping twigs outside tents and secretly rearranging stones. But, it worked for the folks who weren't sure.
The second movie decided to eliminate the whole "is it real" aspect and so got rid of the one thing that made the first movie scary for the anyone. All we're left with is a movie about the actual story of the Blair Witch. Guess what? That story is lame; that's why they had to dress it up with the fake documentary gimmick in the first place.
Book Of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 is one of those movies that actually ruins the predecessor. Now that the whole hype machine surrounding The Blair Witch Project is completely forgotten, it would be possible for someone unfamiliar to see the movie at a video rental store and pick it up, thinking it actually is based on a true story. Oh, but Blair Witch 2 is right next to it on the shelf, and it's starring the guy from Burn Notice. Nevermind.

#7.
Robocop 3


http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/robocop3c.jpg

Sequel To: RoboCop
Tenuous Connection:
Anne Lewis, RoboCop's partner.
Plot Summary:
RoboCop helps a bunch of people assert their rights as property owners.
Why It Doesn't Work:
http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/robocop3b.jpg Peter Weller, the original RoboCop, decided to pass on the movie. Do you know anything else Peter Weller has been in? The guy basically faced the choice of being able to afford to eat, or starring in Robocop 3, and he chose to starve.
His replacement tried his hardest to purse his lips and talk like a robot, but the lack of Peter Weller made the movie seem like it belonged on television. Pretty much the only person who showed up for this movie who had ever been in another RoboCop movie was Nancy Allen, whose only other regular acting gig is showing up in our nightmares to whisper "Murphy, it's you," over and over.
During this movie, RoboCop replaces his hand with an automatic assault rifle attachment, attaches a jet pack to his suit, and fights robot ninjas. How do the words 'jet pack' and 'ninja' even get typed into a script about a cyborg that weighs over a ton? Modern screenplay-writing software should detect something like that and pop up a little paperclip that asks you if you've lost your fucking mind, then erases your hard drive.

#6.
Under Siege 2: Dark Territory


http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/undersiege2.jpg

Sequel To: Under Siege
Tenuous Connection:
Has the phrase "Under Siege" in the title.
Plot Summary:
Ex-Navy chef Steven Seagal is on a train that gets hijacked by some guys who are doing something with computers and satellites.
Why It Doesn't Work:
http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/undersiege2b.jpg This movie originally had nothing to do with the original Under Siege. It was a script called Dark Territory about bad guys that have to hijack a train to do bad stuff. It has nothing to do with the Navy. It has nothing to do with the previous movie. Basically, Steven Seagal auditioned for the part and got it, so the producers figured they might as well give his character the same name as in Under Siege and call it a sequel.
What's especially odd is that, around this time, Speed was in need of a sequel, which meant it needed a script about a fast-moving vehicle, explosions and terrorists. Dark Territory would have fit, but it was turned into a sequel to Under Siege instead. This left Speed 2 in need of a script, so they used what was originally supposed to be the script for the third Die Hard movie, about a boat being hijacked. This obviously left Die Hard 3 in need of a script, so they gave Bruce Willis a sassy black partner and used the script that was originally going to be the fourth Lethal Weapon movie. This obviously left Lethal Weapon 4 without a script, but apparently they went ahead and shot that movie without one.
The bad guys in this movie hijack the train because, as they explain, nobody can track them if they keep moving. That's the best justification the writers could think of for someone hijacking a train. Apparently it never occurred to these guys to rent a van, avoiding any potential run-ins with assholes wearing tiny ponytails. It's also a lot more unpredictable because it doesn't, you know, run on tracks.

#5.
U.S. Marshals


http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/usmarshals.jpg

Sequel To: The Fugitive
Tenuous Connection:
Sam Gerard, U.S. Marshal with ridiculously huge ears.
Plot Summary:
Another fugitive escapes, and Sam Gerard has to find him, too.
Why It Doesn't Work:
http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/usmarshalsb.jpg This movie can't ever decide if it wants to acknowledge that it's a sequel or not. On the one hand, Tommy Lee Jones plays the same U.S. Marshal as he does in The Fugitive, so maybe you're supposed to know it's a sequel. On the other hand, it's the exact same plot as The Fugitive, which makes it feel more like a Bollywood ripoff than an actual sequel.
Tommy Lee Jones vs. Harrison Ford is a fair fight. Both guys are kind of old-you get the impression that neither of them want to run too fast, fearing they might throw their backs out. Muscle-bound martial artist Wesley Snipes, on the other hand, looks like he could beat Tommy Lee Jones to death with his own cane. Why bother running?
This movie is actually a lot more watchable today than it was when it was released. Just watch the whole thing, pretending that Tommy Lee Jones actually works for the IRS, and they're trying to nab Wesley Snipes for tax fraud. It adds a whole new layer.

#4.
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift


http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/tokyodrift.jpg

Sequel To: The Fast and The Furious
Tenuous Connection:
Cars
Plot Summary:
People race cars in Tokyo, and they're awesome at drifting, which is a style of racing for douchebags.
Why It Doesn't Work:
http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/tokyodriftb.jpgFirst of all, any movie that makes people miss Vin Diesel is guilty of an egregious sin. Mr. Diesel hasn't been in anything other than a "Big Guy Has To Take Care Of Children" comedy for years, but he passed on both sequels to the Fast and the Furious. Paul Walker showed himself to be more pathetic than Vin Fucking Diesel by starring in the second movie, and even HE bailed on this one.
The only thing Tokyo Drift shares with the other two movies is that it sucks. The entire movie is built on "drifting," which one character helpfully explains means that the cars are light and the tires are slick. He further elucidates: "If you ain't outta control, then you ain't in control." What in the holy living fuck does that mean?
Essentially, drifting is a controlled slide. The movie Cars came out exactly one week prior and used the same plot point, but at least they knew it wasn't something that could be the premise of the entire movie.
There are numerous scenes containing hot women wearing virtually no clothing, but the camera seems to always move past them and focus on cars. Really, it's basically pornography for car geeks.

#3.
Lawnmower Man 2: Jobe's War


http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/lawnmowerman2a.jpg

Sequel To: Lawnmower Man
Tenuous Connection:
Peter, the little boy from the first movie.
Plot Summary:
Jobe, thoroughly replaced by another actor, has to help some guy finish some computer chip the size of a basketball, and Peter has to stop them.
Why It Doesn't Work:
http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/lawnmowerman2b.jpgOne of the first things the movie does is explain that Jobe has had some facial reconstructive surgery, in an attempt to justify Jobe's change in appearance. The entire plot of this movie should center around Jobe suing his surgeons, since he looks absolutely nothing like the actor who played him in the last movie. They didn't even try to find someone similar-looking. They may as well have cast a dog in the role.
The vision of the future presented in the film pretty much steals from every other futuristic science fiction movie of the time. This would be more forgivable if not for the fact that the first Lawnmower Man took place at 'present time,' and the kid in this movie is about 5 years older than in the first movie. How'd we get to flying cars and sprawling dystopian cityscapes in five years? What the fuck happened to Earth? Is everyone OK?
In the end, Jobe goes back to being mentally retarded, so everyone forgives him for killing a bunch of people when he was smart. Afterwards, they must have been so nervous any time they saw Jobe reading. "You're not going and learning anything, are you? You became a homicidal maniac last time. Oh, it's an Aquaman comic book? Carry on."

#2.
Mannequin 2


http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/mannequin2.jpg

Sequel To: Mannequin
Tenuous Connection:
Offensive Gay Stereotype Hollywood Montrose
Plot Summary:
A mannequin comes to life. Again.
Why It Doesn't Work:
http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/mannequin2b.jpg
This mannequin isn't the same girl from the first movie. She doesn't get turned back into a mannequin or anything. This is a completely separate set of people, who just happen to experience a mannequin coming to life. To make the coincidence even more unbelievable, both times this asshole named Hollywood Montrose is around to see it. Montrose would be responsible for setting the gay rights movement back 30 years if anyone had seen this movie. He's flamboyant, wears big pink glasses, and drives a car with pink dots on it. At one point he explains that he was in the Navy because he was "looking for a few good men." The guy makes Perez Hilton look like Hugh Hefner.
The movie itself is utterly ridiculous. Instead of being a mannequin that some guy creates like in the first movie, the girl in this movie is actually a 17th century princess that was frozen by an evil wizard and mistaken for a mannequin in modern times. As soon as her magical necklace gets removed, she unfreezes. In 300 years, nobody ever once removed her necklace before? Even though for the last 40 or so years, she's been mistaken for something that gets dressed and undressed for window displays all the time? What did people think she was BEFORE human beings invented mannequins? The very fact that this movie makes the first Mannequin's stupid premise seem almost logical by comparison is enough to warrant every copy of this film being destroyed.
The characters eventually find out that the evil wizard is back, reincarnated as a guy played by Bernie from Weekend and Bernie's, and there's a ridiculous battle. At one point, an action scene takes place inside a hot-air balloon, so we guess Speed 3 won't be able to use that after all. The movie is nearly identical to the first Mannequin, except dumber. It's really less of a sequel and more of a remake, as if the world was saying "Hey, we really like the first movie about a mannequin that comes alive, but it's too realistic. Can you make it again, but for idiots?"

#1.
Halloween III


http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/halloween3.jpg

Sequel To: Halloween
Tenuous Connection:
Contains a television showing an advertisement for the first Halloween movie.
Plot Summary:
Some guy makes Halloween masks that kill people.
Why It Doesn't Work:
http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/halloween3b.jpg The idea behind this movie was originally that each year, a new Halloween movie would be released, each with a different scary story unrelated to the other movies. This idea wouldn't have been so bad, except that it was the third Halloween movie, not the second, and by then we had come to expect the whole Michael Myers thing.
It also didn't help that they replaced Myers with... masks. Masks that... kill people somehow.
It's the sort of thing that a sitcom would use for a Halloween special. We can easily imagine the Tanner kids from Full House thinking that "Daunting Mask, Inc." or something was making deadly Halloween masks. They go to investigate the factory, only to discover that the company owner is guest-star Vincent Price, and the whole thing is a misunderstanding. Danny gives them a lecture on not jumping to conclusions and Jesse plays a god-awful song about making false accusations.
Rod Hilton is a writer and, in his spare time, he enjoys tearing Hollywood a new asshole over at The Editing Room.

[Rob Oplawar]

PLAGIARIST!
Nice original work there, Atty, I found it was very well written. By you. Please don't ban me.

[Atty]

PLAGIARIST!
Nice original work there, Atty, I found it was very well written. By you. Please don't ban me.I didn't say I wrote it. :eyesroll:

[FireDragon04]

edit: Ok, omg FireDragon your Star Wars list is so off I have to correct it.
First off, all of the originals were better than all of the prequels, ok? That's just how it is.


I agree with your list, there is just something i don't like about Empire Strikes Back. I don't know why but yea, the acting in places in the new 3 is aporling i could act better then that...and i cant even say hello to more then 4 people without having an epileptic fit.

That said, I may re watch all star wars movies again. Anyone have an order i should. I was thinking 4,5,6,1,2,3. Not sure though.

[Rob Oplawar]

Atty, there's something you have to learn before you go to college. It doesn't matter if you don't claim it as yours. If you don't specifically say this you didn't write it, you're ip banned fuckin expelled.

Unless you're a teacher. If you're a teacher and you plagiarize you just get tenure.

[ICEE]

1. Return of the Jedi
2. New Hope
3. Revenge of the Sith
4. Attack of the Clones
5. Empire Strikes Back
6. Phantom Menace


HERESY!

1. Empire Strikes Back
2. Return of the Jedi
3. New Hope
4. Revenge of the Sith
5. attack of the clones
6. Phantom Menacefixed.



also


Atty, there's something you have to learn before you go to college. It doesn't matter if you don't claim it as yours. If you don't specifically say this you didn't write it, you're ip banned fuckin expelled.

Unless you're a teacher. If you're a teacher and you plagiarize you just get tenure.

truth

[n00b1n8R]

top 10 uses for the internets
1. forums
2. xfire
3. porn
4. goatse'ing people
5. games
6. everything else

[Bodzilla]

Top 10 best Letters

10.F
9.M
8.A
7.T
6.C
5.S
4.H
3.P
2.E
1.R
Would you like to buy a vowel?

[Love De Lux]

Top 10 best Letters

10.F
9.M
8.A
7.T
6.C
5.S
4.H
3.P
2.E
1.R

REP ? :lol:

[n00b1n8R]

to 10 numbers <100
10. 12
9. 64
8. 25
7. 8
6. 9
5. 72
4. 4
3. 2
2. 32
1. 42

[Agamemnon]

Just pour me a drink you fairy fuck.
This was their main target. The fag-man.

[Kornman00]

B
u
n
g
i
e
space
L
L
C

[Rob Oplawar]

^ :iia:

[Dole]

All of these Star Wars lists suck. Revenge of the Sith was fucking terrible.

Dialogue writing was awful, dialogue delivery was even worse (nothing beats Anakin/Obi-Wan duel :gonk:), drama was fail, General Grievous was a total waste, some of the best parts of the movie were in the deleted scenes, too many inconcsistencies in character behavior... ugh.

[ICEE]

All of these Star Wars lists suck. Revenge of the Sith was fucking terrible.

Dialogue writing was awful, dialogue delivery was even worse (nothing beats Anakin/Obi-Wan duel :gonk:), drama was fail, General Grievous was a total waste, some of the best parts of the movie were in the deleted scenes, too many inconcsistencies in character behavior... ugh.


true. still beat attack of the clones and *sigh* phantom menace though

[Emmzee]

this is not a to-do list thread http://i.somethingawful.com/forumsystem/emoticons/emot-colbert.gif
If it were, you would be on it.

[Rob Oplawar]

Yeah Dole, the only reason it's listed above AotC (hey, lol, needs an 'r') and TPM is because those sucked even harder.

[Captain Pakundo]

to 10 numbers <100
10. 12
9. 64
8. 25
7. 8
6. 9
5. 72
4. 4
3. 2
2. 32
1. 42

The answer to everything...
Wish it could be divided to every question possible and converted to something an average human would understand...

[nooBBooze]

Top 5 wierd movies:

5 Smurf/Dinosaur/Zombie Porn
4 Jesus Camp
3 Clockwork Orange
2 Reefer Madness
1 The Cremaster Cycle-5 hours of Major WTF. in combination with pot, it may cause possibly fatal parnoia or laughter but even if totally sober, its one helluva wierd shiat.

[Mass]

Top 5 wierd movies:

5 Smurf/Dinosaur/Zombie Porn
4 Jesus Camp
3 Clockwork Orange
2 Reefer Madness
1 The Cremaster Cycle-5 hours of Major WTF. in combination with pot, it may cause possibly fatal parnoia or laughter but even if totally sober, its one helluva wierd shiat.

Where be Recon 20/20 and The Wall?

[Hotrod]

Would you like to buy a vowel?

Last time I checked, E was a vowel...


REP ? :lol:

What a coincidence, I actually had something else in mind R stands for something I won't specify, same with E, and P stands for pie. Seriously, I didn't do that on purpose.

[Bodzilla]

Last time I checked, E was a vowel...

clearly your wheel has no fortune <:mad:>

[Skiiran]

All of these Star Wars lists suck. Revenge of the Sith was fucking terrible.

Dialogue writing was awful, dialogue delivery was even worse (nothing beats Anakin/Obi-Wan duel :gonk:), drama was fail, General Grievous was a total waste, some of the best parts of the movie were in the deleted scenes, too many inconcsistencies in character behavior... ugh.
SHOCKING DISCOVERY: PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERING OPINIONS

MORE NEWS AT FUCK YOU.

Top Ten things I want:
10. SG-1 complete series set
9. New bed
8. Army of Two
7. Call of Duty 4
6. Assassin's Creed
5. Another 360 controller
4. Another BLUE 360 controller
3. A 360 controller keyboard
2. Mass Effect
1. VORTIGAUNT PLUSHIE WITH SUPER-SANTA-ACTION

[Bodzilla]

3. Vagina
2. cunt
1. pussy

Ami right folks?

[DaneO'Roo]

10.Itunes
9.Windows Media Player
8.zune
7.ipod
6.Mac OSX
5.Windows
4.Microsoft
3.Apple
2.Orange
1.Tit

[JDMFSeanP]

Top 10 cool things.
10. FUCK.
9. Porn
8. iPhone
7. Video Games
6. Epic movies
5. LAN Parties
4. Xbox 360
3. Computers
2. The internet
1. Halo Series