A story:

[Emmzee]

But first, some background:

I live in the South, which has a high concentration of idiot rednecks. I also have a 4-inch switchblade I bought at a flea market in South Carolina last summer which I keep in my glove compartment. I recently received a "car emergency" kit, which has jumper cables, hand-powered tire pumps, and among other things, a steel tire iron. Two weekends ago, I helped my uncle, who is a WWII re-enactor, clean up his house and he let me have a replica Colt .45 with a full magazine of blanks (the gun was painted a bright orange, however (I don't really know why)). I've also been reading Bruiser's story (http://www.subkamran.com/sa/sa%20-%20bruiser.pdf) over the past few days (I finished it today at around 1:30).

On to the story.

I was leaving school late (around 5) because I went to after-school tutoring, and the time I was going home was rush hour, which is so full of asshats it makes me furious. Well, this particular day, some redneck assholes in a terribly-painted red Camaro with a rusty front-right
quarter panel decided to fuck with me. They drove up beside me, getting dangerously close, honking, flipping me off, and yelling like idiots. These guys were roughly my age, and I was getting pissed. I nonchalantly reached into my glove compartment, pulled out the switchblade, popped the blade out, held it up for them to see, and mouthed,

"You're dead."

You should've seen the look on his face (the only guy that saw it was the passenger). Well, I wasn't done. I got behind them and followed them until they stopped near some woods, presumably to fight me. I quickly ran to my trunk, pulled out the tire iron and the gun, keeping the gun in my pocket. Before the driver could do anything, I ran him into the ground, with my iron pressed against his neck. Hard.

"You got a problem, punk? DO YA?"

At this point, he may have pissed himself. His buddy finally got the balls to come out of the car, and he walked up to me with a knife, acting all tough. I forget exactly what he said. At any rate, I pulled out the gun and pointed it to the sky. I fired one shot.

BANG!

Then, I just had to quote Full Metal Jacket.

"THIS IS MY PISTOL!"

BANG!

"THERE ARE MANY LIKE IT, BUT THIS ONE IS SPECIAL BECAUSE IT IS MINE!"

BANG!

"HER NAME IS CHARLENE. DON'T FUCK WITH ME, OR YOU FUCK WITH CHARLENE."

BANG!

A look of sheer terror, a kind of fear for your life not normally associated with punk backwoods teenagers, came onto their faces. They were whiter than usual.

"Thank you for cooperating."

And I got into my car and went home. I didn't look back.

It was the best afternoon ever.

[DrunkenSamus]

LMAO. The fact that this is real makes it even better.

[thehoodedsmack]

I don't think there's a just court in your country that wouldn't convict you of assault, despite their provocation. Legalities aside, well played. I think your "this is my pistol" thing was a little over-dramatic. I would have stuck with "THIS IS MY BOOMSTICK!!!"

[Emmzee]

I don't think there's a just court in your country that wouldn't convict you of assault, despite their provocation. Legalities aside, well played. I think your "this is my pistol" thing was a little over-dramatic. I would have stuck with "THIS IS MY BOOMSTICK!!!"
It would've only worked with a shotgun.

[Rob Oplawar]

lolomgwtf dude

[thehoodedsmack]

It would've only worked with a shotgun.

Then you clearly need to optimize your stash. You're missing tonnes of potentialy epic moments.

[Anton]

That's great, Think you'll ever run into them again?

[Emmzee]

That's great, Think you'll ever run into them again?
If ever, probably in court.

But they're rednecks, so I doubt they could read my license plate.

[Rob Oplawar]

srsly, you guys don't get to mock us for dropping the u in color, because you add an unnecessary e to everything.


Late at night I lay on the decke
Wondering whye I risk my necke
Picture myselfe in a sinkinge wrecke
Ande downe I'me goinge notte knowinge whye!

i'm looking at you, thehoodedsmack

[Mass]

nice. needs more 3am though.

[thehoodedsmack]

@Rob

...... I can't tell if that's a joke, or if you're genuinely mistaken. Canadians write "deck", "why", "neck", "myself", "sinking", "wreck", "and", "down", "I'm", "going", "not", and "knowing" the same way Americans do. In fact, many people, like myself, feel that dropping the "u" in colour, flavour, etc. makes more sense, as it's more efficient for writing. [/cultural lesson]

[LlamaMaster]

Emmzee, that was an epic post. Dinner some time maybe? Your badass.

[Bodzilla]

hahahaha

:iia:
well played sir,
Bravo!

[rossmum]

I love you, Emmzee.

More than Atty does.

[LlamaMaster]

I love you, Emmzee.

More than Atty does.
He stole my heart too. :-3

[n00b1n8R]

lolomgwtf dude

quite.

[Teroh]

I love you, Emmzee.

[ICEE]

hold up, the pistol is bright orange and STILL they freak out? interesting... orange is like the 'fake gun' trademark colo(u)r

[Emmzee]

hold up, the pistol is bright orange and STILL they freak out? interesting
They freaked out because it was firing blanks, and therefore sounding exactly like a real gun.

[ICEE]

ahh... ye that might scare me too. well, when your in jail for all those things thehoodeddmack mentioned, be careful not to drop the soap.

[DaneO'Roo]

But first, some background:

I live in the South, which has a high concentration of idiot rednecks. I also have a 4-inch switchblade I bought at a flea market in South Carolina last summer which I keep in my glove compartment. I recently received a "car emergency" kit, which has jumper cables, hand-powered tire pumps, and among other things, a steel tire iron. Two weekends ago, I helped my uncle, who is a WWII re-enactor, clean up his house and he let me have a replica Colt .45 with a full magazine of blanks (the gun was painted a bright orange, however (I don't really know why)). I've also been reading Bruiser's story (http://www.subkamran.com/sa/sa%20-%20bruiser.pdf) over the past few days (I finished it today at around 1:30).

On to the story.

I was leaving school late (around 5) because I went to after-school tutoring, and the time I was going home was rush hour, which is so full of asshats it makes me furious. Well, this particular day, some redneck assholes in a terribly-painted red Camaro with a rusty front-right
quarter panel decided to fuck with me. They drove up beside me, getting dangerously close, honking, flipping me off, and yelling like idiots. These guys were roughly my age, and I was getting pissed. I nonchalantly reached into my glove compartment, pulled out the switchblade, popped the blade out, held it up for them to see, and mouthed,

"You're dead."

You should've seen the look on his face (the only guy that saw it was the passenger). Well, I wasn't done. I got behind them and followed them until they stopped near some woods, presumably to fight me. I quickly ran to my trunk, pulled out the tire iron and the gun, keeping the gun in my pocket. Before the driver could do anything, I ran him into the ground, with my iron pressed against his neck. Hard.

"You got a problem, punk? DO YA?"

At this point, he may have pissed himself. His buddy finally got the balls to come out of the car, and he walked up to me with a knife, acting all tough. I forget exactly what he said. At any rate, I pulled out the gun and pointed it to the sky. I fired one shot.

BANG!

Then, I just had to quote Full Metal Jacket.

"THIS IS MY PISTOL!"

BANG!

"THERE ARE MANY LIKE IT, BUT THIS ONE IS SPECIAL BECAUSE IT IS MINE!"

BANG!

"HER NAME IS CHARLENE. DON'T FUCK WITH ME, OR YOU FUCK WITH CHARLENE."

BANG!

A look of sheer terror, a kind of fear for your life not normally associated with punk backwoods teenagers, came onto their faces. They were whiter than usual.

"Thank you for cooperating."

And I got into my car and went home. I didn't look back.

It was the best afternoon ever.


:raise:






:lie:








:mysterysolved:






:tinfoil: I call bullshit

[Aerowyn]

So you AREN'T just an internet tough guy!

[ExAm]

*slow clap* :D

[Zeph]

Wow, stopping on the side of the road to fight people. You're smart. Over here, we dont buy blanks.

[Teroh]

Wow, stopping on the side of the road to fight people. You're smart. Over here, we dont buy blanks.
Thats hot.

[Kornman00]

Over here, we dont buy blanks.
Read the fucking story. Maybe if you read more, you could moderate better.

[odseraphim]

Read the fucking story. Maybe if you read more, you could moderate better.
.. and that way, rep will be doled out as it should be!

.. I would have shot one of them, just to show them who's boss :woot:
.. just to see one cry out "YOU KILLED LARRY, YOU BASTARD!"

[Zeph]

Read the fucking story. Maybe if you read more, you could moderate better.

I read the fucking story. Where do you think I got to god damned idea to say we dont buy blanks.

[Emmzee]

Yeah guys, shooting people is a great way to not get arrested.

I was just scaring the shit out of them, not murdering them. Christ, you guys are bad influences.

[Kornman00]

Where do you think I got to god damned idea to say we dont buy blanks.
Good question, since Emmzee got the blanks with (for free) the pistol which was used for re-enacting old wars.

[Emmzee]

Good question, since Emmzee got the blanks with (for free) the pistol which was used for re-enacting old wars.
:ohsnap:

[Bodzilla]

Read the fucking story. Maybe if you read more, you could moderate better.
holly fucking snap. :omfg:

[Dole]

Dane wins! :woop:


In fact, many people, like myself, feel that dropping the "u" in colour, flavour, etc. makes more sense, as it's more efficient for writing....and what about the vestigial French phonetics in words like "tonne"? :-/


Good question, since Emmzee got the blanks with (for free) the pistol which was used for re-enacting old wars.
He's quite obviously referring to the fact that the instigators could've easily been carrying a gun with live ammunition. :ohsnap:
Taking Emmzee's description into account, I wouldn't put it past them.

[thehoodedsmack]

...and what about the vestigial French phonetics in words like "tonne"? :-/

A lot of us spell it "ton". We don't all speak French, after all.

[Emmzee]

Taking Emmzee's description into account, I wouldn't put it past them.
Then I am one lucky bastard.

[Kornman00]

they probably had to sell it for the truck, don't worry

[Emmzee]

they probably had to sell it for the truck, don't worry
It wasn't a truck.


It was a series of tubes.
It was a Camaro.

[rossmum]

A lot of us spell it "ton". We don't all speak French, after all.
Isn't tonne metric and ton imperial?


they probably had to sell it for the truck, don't worry
Probably.

[Con]

Great story, +rep when I can again

[Emmzee]

Isn't tonne metric and ton imperial?
By that logic, "shoppe" is metric and "shop" is imperial.

[rossmum]

By that logic, "shoppe" is metric and "shop" is imperial.
Oh you whore.

It's just that I've seen them spelled that way, over here at least.

[Skiiran]

By that logic, "shoppe" is metric and "shop" is imperial.
PRAISE BE THE GOD EMPEROR AND HIS SHOPS. FUCK EXTRA LETTERS.

[Kornman00]

It wasn't a truck.


It was a series of tubes.
It was a Camaro.

:lmao:

Well, you see...they're rednecks and should be driving a truck, hence forth they were not driving a Camaro but actually a Ford F150 with their sister in the back bed stripping :downs:

[atomicpower93]

But first, some background:

I live in the South, which has a high concentration of idiot rednecks. I also have a 4-inch switchblade I bought at a flea market in South Carolina last summer which I keep in my glove compartment. I recently received a "car emergency" kit, which has jumper cables, hand-powered tire pumps, and among other things, a steel tire iron. Two weekends ago, I helped my uncle, who is a WWII re-enactor, clean up his house and he let me have a replica Colt .45 with a full magazine of blanks (the gun was painted a bright orange, however (I don't really know why)). I've also been reading Bruiser's story (http://www.subkamran.com/sa/sa%20-%20bruiser.pdf) over the past few days (I finished it today at around 1:30).

On to the story.

I was leaving school late (around 5) because I went to after-school tutoring, and the time I was going home was rush hour, which is so full of asshats it makes me furious. Well, this particular day, some redneck assholes in a terribly-painted red Camaro with a rusty front-right
quarter panel decided to fuck with me. They drove up beside me, getting dangerously close, honking, flipping me off, and yelling like idiots. These guys were roughly my age, and I was getting pissed. I nonchalantly reached into my glove compartment, pulled out the switchblade, popped the blade out, held it up for them to see, and mouthed,

"You're dead."

You should've seen the look on his face (the only guy that saw it was the passenger). Well, I wasn't done. I got behind them and followed them until they stopped near some woods, presumably to fight me. I quickly ran to my trunk, pulled out the tire iron and the gun, keeping the gun in my pocket. Before the driver could do anything, I ran him into the ground, with my iron pressed against his neck. Hard.

"You got a problem, punk? DO YA?"

At this point, he may have pissed himself. His buddy finally got the balls to come out of the car, and he walked up to me with a knife, acting all tough. I forget exactly what he said. At any rate, I pulled out the gun and pointed it to the sky. I fired one shot.

BANG!

Then, I just had to quote Full Metal Jacket.

"THIS IS MY PISTOL!"

BANG!

"THERE ARE MANY LIKE IT, BUT THIS ONE IS SPECIAL BECAUSE IT IS MINE!"

BANG!

"HER NAME IS CHARLENE. DON'T FUCK WITH ME, OR YOU FUCK WITH CHARLENE."

BANG!

A look of sheer terror, a kind of fear for your life not normally associated with punk backwoods teenagers, came onto their faces. They were whiter than usual.

"Thank you for cooperating."

And I got into my car and went home. I didn't look back.

It was the best afternoon ever.

yeah and this thread is so about that.

[Skiiran]

Was that an attempt at RE-TRACKING AN EMMZEE THREAD?

Universe will now end.

[Emmzee]

YOU CAN'T EVER GET MY THREADS BACK ON TRACK GOSH <:mad:>

[ImSpartacus]

YOU CAN'T EVER GET MY THREADS BACK ON TRACK GOSH :mad:

That's why god invented the "off topic" forum.

however, i still want to know how you fooled them with a bright orange pistol :confused2:


By that logic, "shoppe" is metric and "shop" is imperial.

Where did you guys come up with 'imperial'? I always thought it was 'customary'.

EDIT
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_customary_units
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imperial_unit

Apparently the wikipedia gods agree with us both...