Near-death experience

[Rob Oplawar]

I think I almost died today. It would have been a really pathetic way to die.

I now present to you the story in instant-message form:

roboplawar (10:40:07 PM): so like
roboplawar (10:40:17 PM): I'm eating buffalo wings
roboplawar (10:40:21 PM): and
Zephyr265 (10:40:23 PM): of course...
roboplawar (10:40:35 PM): a tiny bit goes down the wrong way
roboplawar (10:40:41 PM): so I cough a bit
roboplawar (10:40:52 PM): but the act of inhaling makes it go in deeper
roboplawar (10:40:59 PM): and I've got a mouthful of wing sauce
roboplawar (10:41:04 PM): which tastes really good
roboplawar (10:41:09 PM): and I don't want to spit it out
roboplawar (10:41:18 PM): so I just kinda keep coughing
Zephyr265 (10:41:25 PM): wtf lol
roboplawar (10:41:34 PM): except every time I inhale I get more wing sauce in my windpipe
roboplawar (10:42:03 PM): it takes me about 2 seconds to realize that I should either stop coughing or get the wing sauce out of my mouth
roboplawar (10:42:11 PM): so silly me
roboplawar (10:42:14 PM): I try to swallow it
roboplawar (10:42:32 PM): and then I just get my trachea full of wing sauce
Zephyr265 (10:42:37 PM): @_@
roboplawar (10:42:49 PM): which causes a swelling reaction in sensitive areas like that
roboplawar (10:43:15 PM): so there's this great pain, and I can't stop reflexively coughing, and now my windpipe is swelling up
roboplawar (10:43:25 PM): and every time I cough it gets worse
roboplawar (10:43:47 PM): it got to the point where I literally could not cough any more, because I couldn't inhale enough air to do so
roboplawar (10:44:09 PM): so then I wound up stumbling around the room going "wheeeze! wheeze!"
roboplawar (10:44:21 PM): and then I made it to the sink
roboplawar (10:44:29 PM): and I threw up
roboplawar (10:44:44 PM): and during the time that I was throwing up I definitely couldn't inhale
roboplawar (10:45:07 PM): and all the stomach acid was contributing to the swelling and pain and gagging that the hot sauce initiated
roboplawar (10:45:39 PM): so what I did was stick my face under a running tap
roboplawar (10:45:45 PM): and continued to try to breathe
roboplawar (10:45:50 PM): and forced myself to breathe in water
roboplawar (10:45:58 PM): which itself sucked
roboplawar (10:46:05 PM): but it managed to clear it up
roboplawar (10:46:19 PM): and 2 minutes later I was back to wheeze-breathing
roboplawar (10:46:25 PM): and 2 minutes after that, I was fine
roboplawar (10:46:30 PM): and do you know what I did then?
roboplawar (10:46:40 PM): I sat down and I finished eating my buffalo wings.
Zephyr265 (10:47:00 PM): crazy little man


I mean, I nearly passed out, and who knows if the swelling would have gone down on its own. Wouldn't that just be the most pitiful way to die? Here lies Rob Oplawar: Choked to death on his favorite wing sauce because it tasted too good to spit it out.


Anybody else got any near-death stories they'd like to share?

[HDoan]

During wrestling at school, we did this thing were we were on maps and you would race to the middle against a guy across you, grab the medicine ball and try to bring it back on your knees. I beat this kid named "Andrew" the first time, but then he was pissed and the second time, I got it again. And on the way back he came from behind me and choked me, the teacher told him to stop choking and no choking allowed, but he just kept going. My friends were on the other side and said I turned red.

[Aerowyn]

Jason has quite a few doozies concerning his dad that he would probably share if he were on (he just went to bed, so yeah, and I don't want to tell them).

I've never really had a near-death experience though, fortunately.

Sorry to hear about your experience, however, I can understand that a chicken wing could taste so good that spitting it out was NOT AN OPTION. :3

[SnaFuBAR]

. . .

you're..... SPECIAL

[Kalub]

Three Wheeler + Hauling Ass + Dumb Dog + Barb Wire Fence = Close line of ouch/Broken collar bone.


It pierced my skin, and I thought I would bleed to death

[paladin]

We all have one of these... eventually.

[Bad Waffle]

shit, i have on on a bi-daily basis, though i usually forget what it was specifically. Ill remember sooner or later, im going back to bed.

[DaneO'Roo]

I got hit by a car in 6th grade, walking my bike across a pedestrian crossing. Had to get counseling, weirdly enough I flew over the side of the hood, and almost had my leg run clean over by the back tires. Apart from some grazes, I was physically fine. Lucky I had reflexes.

The fuckers wrecked my bike in the process, they payed to fix it, 2 days after my bike was fixed, it got fucking stolen.

I swear, some serious kitten almost got choked that day. Were it not for my teeny tiny hands.

[Zeph]

Lets see:


Been hit on the head by a jet ski going at least 20 mph.
Roof of boat collapsed right after I came out from under it. The boat was beached and listed to one side, so it slid off after that. Luckily, I was 'above' it.
Really bad ex-girlfriend driver.
I'm a range safety officer and I've had plenty of guns pointed at me.
I was at the electronics section of Wal Mart when some guy decided to pull a gun not ten feet away at the register.
Tons of mountain biking accidents.
Driving when I should be sleeping.
Boating accident. Short story is I flew in the air and entered the water back-first and folded in half. Luckily I just came out with a strained back.


There's more, but it's early and I've got to get to campus.

[n00b1n8R]

Way to continue living the dream man. http://sa.tweek.us/emots/images/emot-rock.gif

[Bodzilla]

i work with saw blades turning at a few thousand RPM Daily.

had a few close calls on the road and shit like cockheads over taking me up on the shoulder of the road and then merging in front of us while slamming on the breaks.

i've had heaps of things but really nothing specific comes to mind.

[Pooky]

Uhm, I almost got run over at 90 MPH by some psycho redneck dipshit in my neighborhood. He sent a nearby mailbox flying into the roof of a house instead, fortunately.

[Llama Juice]

In second grade my family was all taking a bike ride to McDonalds... (yea... kinda ironic I know...) My little brother's bike chain fell off while crossing the road and he was still like five years old at the time... so... he stayed in the road to fix it... I had already crossed the road but I saw him out there so I went back to get him... I pushed him to the side of the road by where my mom and sister were to get him out of the way of the truck that had just hit me.

I went skipping across the pavement... doing so shattered my helmet (thank god I was wearing one...) I was physically fine, but of course my mom said not to move (I was out of the road by then.... and the truck was blocking traffic anyhow) An ambulance came along and threw me in the back... and ended up getting full body Xrays to see that I was in fact fine.... I walked out of the hospital.

While driving a semi wasn't paying attention and decided to come over to my lane without using his blinker or..... caring that I was there. I was on the right lane, trying to pass him... I ended up slowing down on the dirt shoulder to get behind him and not... die

While 4 wheeling... I was a noob at it... (I'm not supposed to go outside, I'm a computer nerd... wtf) we had just gotten to the camp place we were renting them from/staying at... and we were toying around in the "playground" to get used to them. After playing around in there for about an hour we decided to hit the trail... the trail leaves the camp with a downhill slope on a gravel trail followed by a sharp left turn.... Well... I missed the turn... and... went off the small cliff there into an extremely rocky spring... my ATV landed ontop of me upside down and it took me a minute to figure out wtf was going on haha

Oh... and I used to eat at McDonalds..... true story.

[Emmzee]

Sorry to hear about your experience, however, I can understand that a chicken wing could taste so good that spitting it out was NOT AN OPTION. :3
Spitters are quitters.

[Rob Oplawar]

Friend of mine used to be on the cross country team. He was jogging on a trail in the mountains, and he happened across a point that had eroded away, and fell off the trail, down a cliff. He fell about 25-35 feet, and landed on a log at the bottom. He survived, but he broke his hip, and the doctor told him no running for at 10 months.
He was back on the trail in 1.
(very inspiring, except when you stop to consider that because he disregarded the doctor's orders he's likely to have arthritis before he's 30)


Speaking of running on trails in the mountains, a couple of years ago there was this guy at CU (which I now attend) who would jog laps around campus every morning. He would run past this classroom and the students inside would wave every time he passed. Well, one morning he went past once, and then didn't pass again, and the students got worried, so they sent out somebody to look for him.
Turns out he'd been mauled and killed by a mountain lion.
=X

[TeeKup]

I was caught making out with my black boyfriend by my over-religious relatives. That's before he broke up with me.

[Emmzee]

I was caught making out with my black boyfriend by my over-religious relatives. That's before he broke up with me.
What did they say?

[TeeKup]

What did they say?

They condemned us both to hell.

[ICEE]

I got attacked by a "retired" police dog once. I have no idea why it attacked me, but it came running down an incline from its owner's (a cop) house and jumped me. It bit my arm and wouldn't let go, and scratched my stomach with its claws. So naturally I screamed a bit, which alerted a SECOND retired police dog owned by the same cop, and it ran down to attack me too. Fortunately the cop's 5 year old son was there and he called his dad for help, and he stopped them before the second dog could get its teeth into me.



I was caught making out with my black boyfriend by my over-religious relatives. That's before he broke up with me.

What was the bigger issue with them? the fact that you two are gay or that you were an interracial couple?

[Classicthunder]

Some mutherf***er though it would be funny to snip my brakes when we were out mountain biking. He only sniped it part way though so it only broke when I really needed to stop. Broke 3 ribs and tore a ton of skin off on the rocks. Still managed to get up and half kill the ass laughing at the bottom of the hill. Probably would have choked him to death if my friends hadn't drag me off of him.

Funny thing is after he woke up he ran off afterwards screaming and claiming that he was going to call the cops. Also made my gf too scared to date me anymore :/

Wick I guess thats more of a near death experience for him.

[Pooky]

They condemned us both to hell.

:lol:

Sorry teekie, you know I sympathize... but still

[LlamaMaster]

I almost drowned in a river once, but thats it. I've flipped a 3 wheeler, but not on top of me. :/

...my life is boring. :gonk:

[FlyingStone]

...my life is boring. :gonk:
.

[Pooky]

.

Now now baby come with me and I'll show you thrills.

[paladin]

Now now baby come with me and I'll show you thrills.

Chills just shot down my spine.

[DrunkenSamus]

Lets see:

Been hit on the head by a jet ski going at least 20 mph.
Roof of boat collapsed right after I came out from under it. The boat was beached and listed to one side, so it slid off after that. Luckily, I was 'above' it.
Really bad ex-girlfriend driver.
I'm a range safety officer and I've had plenty of guns pointed at me.
I was at the electronics section of Wal Mart when some guy decided to pull a gun not ten feet away at the register.
Tons of mountain biking accidents.
Driving when I should be sleeping.
Boating accident. Short story is I flew in the air and entered the water back-first and folded in half. Luckily I just came out with a strained back.
There's more, but it's early and I've got to get to campus.

Something tells me you have a very safe and accident-free life. I can't put my finger on it though...

[Con]

glad you survived rob : D

[Bodzilla]

went driving with my sister. she picked us up from school and was on the way home when she past her friend walking onthe side of the road.
by the time we decided to pick him up we where already like 100m's ahead of him, so rather then wait we decided to just circle back around and pikc him up.
my sister pulled out onto the road in front of a bus, then put her indicator on to turn, missed the corner so we kept driving. she then turned down another street and nearly hit the back of a 4 wheeled drive because she turned to early and then came up to an intersection and pulled out in front of a car and nearly got us T-Boned.

i was like. "dude..........."

then another time we where on the way back form Lismore (next town over, it's bigger and has the movies ect) when my sister got stuck behind a car doing 90 in a 100 zone. (:shakefists:) so she decided to over take, then looking aheadd up the road she noticed the on-commming car and knew we wouldnt make it. So rather then slam on the breaks and drop back safely behind the car we tried to over tkae she PUT THE FOOT DOWN.
we went past the oncomming car parked on the grass and we where still overtaking the car..
my response "dude............"

And i've had a fuckhead do that exact same thing to me on the highway as well.
i was all WTF IS WRONG WITH FUCKING DRIVERS WTF!11111

[Sel]

They condemned us both to hell.

Select a choice

A) Man Seeking Woman

B) Woman Seeking Man

C) Other (Seeking Eternal Hellfire)

[Rob Oplawar]

Some mutherf***er though it would be funny to snip my brakes when we were out mountain biking. He only sniped it part way though so it only broke when I really needed to stop. Broke 3 ribs and tore a ton of skin off on the rocks. Still managed to get up and half kill the ass laughing at the bottom of the hill. Probably would have choked him to death if my friends hadn't drag me off of him.

Funny thing is after he woke up he ran off afterwards screaming and claiming that he was going to call the cops. Also made my gf too scared to date me anymore :/

Wick I guess thats more of a near death experience for him.
O.O

[Emmzee]

One time, I was tubing with my uncle in a sound. The tube was attached to a jet ski. He was going in circles and I was hanging on for dear life. He must've been doing damn near 45 miles per hour. However fast it was, it was too fast. The inner tube hit a bump in the water and shot me off. I hit the water really hard sideways, lost consciousness for about two or three minutes and got a few bruised ribs. Luckily I was wearing my PFD, so I didn't drown.

[Bodzilla]

woah. i've done heaps of that Emmy :D and never had a problem O_o.

O_o

[TeeKup]

Select a choice

A) Man Seeking Woman

B) Woman Seeking Man

C) Other (Seeking Eternal Hellfire)

Go away, please.

[Agamemnon]

I think Polar's story about hitting a dear with his car was the best.

Or was that Connor?

[ima_from_America]

I was at this really old waterfall area, and there was this big rock that you could slide down, but right next to it was this big drop-off that went into a really shallow rocky area. I started to slide down the rock, but started sliding faster and faster to the edge and fell onto the rocks. The sharp rock missed my heart by about 2 centimeters.

[Pooky]

Oh hey aggy's back too. This just keeps getting better :D

[Emmzee]

In summer 2004, I was with my Boy Scout troop in Alaska (we drove there - 13,000+ miles round trip) on an overnight 26-mile backpacker in the arctic circle. Part of the trail crossed a glacier, and about 40 feet away from the trail was a huge dropoff. We were walking across the glacier, and I slipped. I slid about three-fourths of the way down before I stopped myself. I could see over the edge, and it was a good 70 or 80 foot drop to some very hard-looking ice.

[Sel]

Go away, please.

Oh Im sorry for quoting I AM AMERICA AND SO CAN YOU

http://www.alarmpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/colbert.jpg

Best book ever tbh, comes with integrated gaydar.

[Roostervier]

The only thing close to a near-death experience was probably getting hit in the head with a discus last year. I didn't feel it at all, but I couldn't talk right (was illegible), and I couldn't remember for a little bit. Basically, just a concussion.

[TeeKup]

Oh Im sorry for quoting I AM AMERICA AND SO CAN YOU

Best book ever tbh, comes with integrated gaydar.

Don't care.

Go away please.

[Pooky]

Teek stop being mean D: