HUGGING IS TERRIFYING I KNOW MANOriginally Posted by Nero
HUGGING IS TERRIFYING I KNOW MAN
Or just do what I did and ignore him.
So a friend of mine is making a collection of short stories he and some other people have written, and he wanted me to write a sort of action short story for it. I decided to begin it at the Climax (one of those "we'll show you the climax first, then have a flashback, then the climax again, then the ending" kind of things). This is what I have so far:
I think the last paragraph could be worded better, but I have no idea how.Blood. That's all I could smell. Blood. Who's though? Did it belong to the person in front of me? No. He didn't even have a scratch. He was winning. That could only leave one person. Me. Just sitting here, barely able to not pass out after the beating I have just endured. The person standing in front of me just stared at me. He knew the same thing I did. I can't win this. I have lost. He held his sword out, a personal item that he seemed to use as if it was part of his body.
He took one step towards me, I flinched at the thought of what was going to happen in several seconds. He took another step, closing the honestly short gap between us by a pretty serious chunk. I was honestly hoping he would take shorter steps. Maybe that would make my life just a little longer. At this point I thought to myself that I could measure my remaining lifespan in seconds.
He took a third step, halfway there. I tried crawling back, but I slipped in the pool of my blood that was collecting before me. It wouldn't make any difference though, I was against a wall. He had me cornered. I thought cornered creatures were supposed to be able to fight beyond their limit. I felt no such feeling. I felt myself get weaker as the blood drained from my body. Fourth step. I didn't believe in a god. Maybe that was my issue. Maybe this was his or her way of smiting me for disbelief. I started to pray. Fifth step. Please, I know a miracle is out of the question at this point. I know I'm going to die, but please God, if you are going to take away my ability to do so, please protect my friends with your abilities. Let them live their lives without me being there to help them.
Sixth step. His foot was in the pool of my blood. He looked at me and lifted his sword. This was it. He knew it, I knew it. This is what it had come to. I had thought that I was strong enough to do anything. Damn, this must be the world's way of teaching those who think they are invincible a lesson. I felt like the Titanic, and this man in front of me was the iceberg that decided to sink me.
Wow, what am I thinking. You probably have no idea what I'm talking about. I probably sound like some crazy person babbling on about some imaginary event. Maybe it would be best if I started at the beginning. Back to May 3rd...
Last edited by sdavis117; August 26th, 2010 at 10:41 PM.
you're all very helpful in giving me feedback on my drawing, thank you.
But seriously thank you jpeg, you've been the most useful person in this thread !
than +rep me MAGGOT
How about you use a gallery thread?..I'm pretty sure this was suggested before, because this kind of shit is not "Quick Crit" material; you keep posting picture upon picture of the same damn thing in different poses. There's nothing to say, other than how absolutely disgusted I am to even step foot into this thread anymore.
Edit: Hey look! It seems you already have a gallery thread for yourself! Put it to good use kthxbai..
ok
Hey odx guess what, posing is a big part of drawing, so are proportions. You may not have known this, since you're 12, and retarded, but hopefully my post here will bring you some enlightenment in the matter.
I'm posting in this thread because I want feedback (see jpeg's post for a good reference of what everyone should be doing :> ), if I was good at drawing, then maybe I would want to use my gallery thread to show off (If you looked at mine, you'd notice there's no feedback at all !). Quite frankly if you're unwilling to be helpful and actually point out what I need to work on in my drawings, and would rather cry about them being furry instead, you and everyone else whining shouldn't be in this thread.
Anyway if furry art disgusts you that much odx, I suggest you never set foot in this thread for the foreseeable future
Last edited by Sel; August 27th, 2010 at 07:15 AM.
[thumb]http://dl.dropbox.com/u/3332789/Art/S%26T3.jpg[/thumb]
The one on bottom has a much longer right leg than it does the left.
You're right, thanks for catching that.
You seem to have a tendency to use some pretty awkward expressions. For example...
Me. Just sitting here, barely able to not pass out after the beating I have just endured
The line "...barely able to not pass out after the beating..." makes sense, but it isn't worded very well - "...barely conscious after the beating..." is more succinct, and sounds a lot nicer. Also, "...I have just endured" doesn't make sense. The word "have" ought to be replaced with the word "had" so the tense remains the same. In addition to this, "here" should actually be "there", as the first few lines of your story indicate that it is written in past tense.
The tense wavers a lot throughout your story. You need to pick one (I'd suggest past tense, it seems to make things a bit less awkward) and stick with it.
You've made a good start though, so stick with it
PS. Sel, your drawings look really nice!
Last edited by Eleven; August 27th, 2010 at 09:47 AM.
I love how I post a render of something for opinions, and we end up with a page and a half of arguments over disturbing furry images haha
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